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Future of the Week: Chrono Trigger

September 30, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week comes from the DS port of the SNES classic, Chrono Trigger

Premise: Chrono Trigger takes place, Wikipedia describes, “in an original world similar to Earth.” In the interest of full disclosure, I should reveal that I capitalized the “e” in Earth just before copying and pasting that text. For the purposes of this analysis, I will regard the game’s setting as a place synonymous with Earth. In the year 2300 A.D., civilization has been almost totally destroyed by a horrible creature called Lavos, who revealed himself and wrecked everything in 1999.

Utopia or Dystopia: Non-random combat encounters are an incredible thing, but then again, that’s the only thing that isn’t awful about this future. Dystopia.

Prescience: I appreciate works that depict 1999 because I lived through it, and luckily, a lot of them do. I’m glad to say that no horrible alien parasite named Lavos appeared out of the Earth in 1999, and so far, we haven’t run out of food, either.

Future of the Week: Phoenix Wright

September 23, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week comes from the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney trilogy of point-and-click adventure games, usually for the DS.

Premise: In the year 2016, a place that seems an awful lot like Japan but is actually Los Angeles will be populated by a couple dozen people: a few lawyers, two judges, an idiot named Butz, a crazy old lady, a detective, some mystics, and a bunch of criminals. Whenever possible, these people will involve themselves directly or indirectly in a murder. When a person is accused of a crime, his or her lawyer must prove not only reasonable doubt, but the guilt of another person, all in about three days.

Utopia or Dystopia: In 2016, the dead will be summoned, bodies and minds, by the living, essentially creating immortality. Utopia.

Prescience: Seven years is simply not long enough to create an ancient religion, especially not one capable of summoning the dead. Additionally, I have serious doubts about such a radical streamlining of the justice system, barring the rise of totalitarianism.

Future of the Week: Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

September 16, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week is presented by Starship Troopers 3, sequel to the hysterical Starship Troopers, and dull Starship Troopers 2.

Premise: In an unspecified but distant future, the United Citizen Federation wages a difficult war against the “Bugs,” even resorting to bunkering down in trenches to defend against the seemingly endless swarms. Protesters of the war are presented harshly by the media and their executions celebrated. Jolene Blalock is still hot.

Utopia or Dystopia: Surely, the sheer cheesiness of this future would bring about utopian glee.

Prescience: Well, governments are pretty good at controlling media, using religion to control their populations, and fighting endless, useless wars. Provided humanity eventually finds some giant bugs to kill, this future will be realized.

Future of the Week: 2001: A Space Odyssey

September 9, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week comes to us from Stanley Kubrick’s famous film, 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Premise: In what I’m assuming is the year 2001, humanity is faced with the rise, and the danger associated with, the sentient and malfunctioning machine. Genuinely futuristic looking space stations will be populated by people who look like they’re straight out of the ’60s. Film intermissions will be included in their DVD versions.

Utopia or Dystopia: The chairs of 2001 are the most exquisite chairs ever envisioned. Utopia.

Prescience: In the year 2001, computers were not sentient. They did not talk to me, they did not judge my artwork, and they didn’t even try to kill me.

Future of the Week: Speed Racer

September 2, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week is from Speed Racer, the 2008 film. At least, I’m pretty sure the movie takes place in the future, because modern racing has yet to properly mix drifting with tracks built like roller coasters.

Premise: At an unspecified point in time, Britons will rule the world with the iron fist of business tycoonery, and Americans will be a middle class struggling against their evil British overlords with the help of Australian mechanics. Christina Ricci will date a man way too young for her. Additionally, everything will look like a Skittles commercial.

Utopia or Dystopia: In the future, all scene transitions will occur with a character walking across the screen. This is a dystopia.

Prescience: The time period is not specified, but it doesn’t matter, this film is reality. Its anti-capitalist message is the voice of a generation.

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