 December 27th, 2009 by Newbs -
Continuing my series on the 2000s in review, I come now to video games. As the decade dawned, gaming was facing one of its darkest periods. The SEGA Dreamcast, released in 1998, and the first of the sixth generation of consoles, was about to be smashed without remorse by one of the most insidious forces in gaming history. One spring morning, the PlayStation 2 descended upon Japan, and SEGA’s last great hope was silenced. That black monolith of evil known as the PS2 began its reign of shame that day, and gamers of the world suffered under it for much of the rest of the decade.
→ Continue reading The 2000s in Games
August 20th, 2009 by Newbs -
As an avid console gamer, I like to keep up on what the future holds for my favourite industry. I’ve compiled several ideas, all very real, which console makers have recently patented, and I would like to use this article to ruminate on the possibilities of each of these innovations.
→ Continue reading The Future of Gaming
July 13th, 2009 by Newbs -
Last week, I wrote an article analyzing some of the grizzled bad-ass men of gaming, this week I’d like to check out the finely sculpted great-ass female equivalent.
→ Continue reading Video Game Character Analysis: Females
July 6th, 2009 by Newbs -
In the video game industry, it is commonly understood that the greatness of your male hero should be represented visually by means of loading him up with a bunch of crazy looking shit and giving him a generally scarred and terrifying appearance. I’d like to look at a few examples today. Note: the female equivalent of this article can be found here.
→ Continue reading Video Game Character Analysis: Males
June 29th, 2009 by Newbs -
Overview
Gamers are some of the whiniest people you will ever meet. Actually, I mean to say that gamers are some of the whiniest people you will ever encounter on the internet. It’s unlikely that you’ll ever meet one, since, well, gamers don’t leave their homes. I know, because I’m a gamer, and sometimes I forget what the sky looks like. Gamer whine when a sequel gets made to their favourite game and, as such, tarnishes that original in some imagined way. Gamers whine when a sequel to their favourite game is never made, because then they can’t give away as much of their otherwise useless disposable income.
Gamers whine when a new game isn’t coming to their favourite console, and they really whine when a game is coming to their most hated console. For the gaming community of 2009, no console is more hated than the Wii. You see, the Wii continues to sell incredibly well, and bring new (scary) people to gaming, an industry which, much like its most loyal customers, is in need of a shower and a bit of physical exertion.
→ Continue reading The Conduit Review
June 8th, 2009 by Newbs -
The Electronic Entertainment Expo.
Once every year, something magical happens. The games industry gathers together in Los Angeles in order to show off their new and upcoming products, and the whining man-children of the internet then descend upon message boards to discuss these product pitches. As king of the man-children, I took it upon myself to watch the big three conferences this year, and I will summarize them for you now.
→ Continue reading E3 2009: A Magical Expo
May 8th, 2009 by Weskimo -
Good evening, enraptured readers! This marks the beginnings of the Shufflingdead.com Dungeons & Dragons Record of Adventures! Here we will inscribe the tales of our many adventures in the worlds and dungeons which hover upon the edges of reality in the minds of several esteemed Dungeon Masters!
This particular story stems from the mouth of none other than Shufflingdead founder, Newbs. The tale begins with the introduction of the four characters: Francis Feeble (Weskimo), Hermia Feeble (DMUSER), Derek Blacksoul (Quaid), and the voluptuous Volumnius (Psycho_Limey).
→ Continue reading D&D Record of Adventures #1
October 19th, 2008 by DMUSER -
Lately I’ve seen a lot of companies taking their games-in-development and as-yet unreleased games off of the PC shelf, and firmly slotting them into the console marketplace.
No ports. No release 6 months later with no mouse support, and lackluster presentation for full price.
PC gaming has been a hotly contested subject for a long time, make no mistake. Ever since the Xbox first came out, people have been proclaiming “THE DEATH OF THE PC IS NIGH” and other such fear-mongering. Generally for no better reason than some kind of superiority complex, because they want to feel like they’re getting value for their money when they spend upwards of $300 on a computer that is only really able to play games. There’s very little proven truth to these statements, and actually quite the opposite if you don’t simply look at NPD statistics, and add in the much more profitable category of digital distribution.
→ Continue reading Software Piracy – Scapegoat of 2008
May 31st, 2007 by Newbs -
 In Phyrexian Homarid, green is carefully balanced so as not to overpower the other colours. Welcome to magicthegathering.com! I’m Rose Markwater, Head Designer of Magic: The Gathering, and today I’m giving you the full preview of our new set, Phyrexian Homarid. This new set is based entirely on market research performed on our five remaining tournament players, as everyone at the company is terrified of losing those players, and even more terrified of producing a product anyone else might actually want. Before that though, I want to talk a bit about where Magic is going in the next few years.
First, I’d like to announce that we’re changing our tournament formats. We’re eliminating Vintage, Legacy, Extended, Standard, and any other formats that allow you to play with old cards. Instead we’re only allowing Block Constructed, and only of our newest block (which will soon be Phyrexian Homarid!). Additionally, we’re disallowing all casual play, all casual players can expect to receive cease and desist orders soon. By the way, we’ve entered into a contract with all Magic vendors to buyback (get it?!?!?!?!) all the Magic cards we’ve ever produced. We expect this will raise card prices for those casual players who try to circumvent our laws by a magnitude of several thousand.
→ Continue reading I Want to Timmy Johnny With My Spike
May 2nd, 2006 by Newbs -
That’s right, I have come back to complete this series of four articles which I began writing September 6, 2003. Don’t let me fool you; the reason for this delay is sheer laziness. In an effort to fool you, however, I will say that I held off this long because I was hoping to jump on the perfect moment of customer retardation, a moment where all gamers stood up simultaneously, and in a united voice said “Yes! We are retarded!” That moment arrived on April 27, 2006, when Nintendo announced that its upcoming console would be named “Wii,” and the internet itself melted when all 20 of gaming’s factions went to war.
→ Continue reading The Industry of Hell, Part 2: The Customers are Mentally Deficient
|
|
|
Comments