 July 20th, 2009 by Newbs -
If you’re like me, you’re probably miserable and alone. As with all things in life, the internet offers a plethora of easy solutions for finding the perfect girlfriend/fuck-buddy/platonic-wank-buddy to solve this. As someone who has recently taken to trawling Craigslist for hot local singles and attempted to seduce women via a free online dating site, I feel qualified to help you get started in finding your perfect match. This article will detail my suggestions to men to help them succeed in online dating.
→ Continue reading For the Gentlemen: Successful Internet Dating
December 1st, 2008 by Newbs -
This copy of my famous dating resumé is obviously a whole year old. I needed to post it for completion’s sake, and because there might never be another edition!
November 16, 2007
Dear Human Female:
I am a University student, webmaster, and all-around excellent young gentleman currently seeking the companionship of a human female. I am willing to be a one-time intimate encounter, a participant in some casual dating, or even a serious boyfriend, plus anything in-between that you can think of.
→ Continue reading Dating Cover Letter, Resumé, and Letter of Reference as of November 16, 2007
March 12th, 2007 by Newbs -
A new year at University is a lot like a new year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It’s a time for getting an education, battling the forces of evil, and trying to pick up women. I started this year of University, my third, with a fresh outlook; I was going to pick up women through blunt force, as an act of sheer will. With new classes there would be an innumerable number of new women, never before harassed by my undeniably brilliant person.
→ Continue reading Dating: Supplemental to the Official Report
June 16th, 2006 by Newbs -
June 10, 2006
Dear Human Female:
I am a University student, webmaster, and all-around excellent young gentleman currently seeking the companionship of a human female. I am willing to be a one-time intimate encounter, a participant in some casual dating, or even a serious boyfriend, plus anything in-between that you can think of.
I look to bring my passion, emotional stability, reliability, and interesting personality to a relationship with you.
Enclosed is a copy of my dating resume for your perusal. If you would be interested in pursuing my awesomeness further, you may contact me via email at newbs@shufflingdead.com.
Yours Truly,
Newbs
→ Continue reading Dating Cover Letter and Resume as of June 10, 2006
June 6th, 2006 by Newbs -
In all the crazy schemes that people have created to lure mates, all their brilliant ploys have had one incurable weakness, that is–until now. The problem is, of course, cock-blocking. The act of one’s friends, supposed friends, or mortal enemies interfering with your attempts to win the affections of whatever life ruining fuck-hole or fuck-stick that you happen to be after.
→ Continue reading Volcano!
August 26th, 2005 by Newbs -
 The Emperor never came up with a scheme this great. What is Project Reality? Project Reality is a great scheme, nay the greatest scheme, to get laid which I have ever devised. It is an all mighty and absolute regime which I will instigate upon my very own life, with the singular goal of picking up the ladies. At Project Reality’s core is this simple rule: forget everything I think I know about the female gender and do some really fucking crazy stuff with unrelenting voracity. This plan is not a specific series of tasks to complete, but more of a series of guidelines which I will follow en route to some sweet action. Though I am speaking for myself, any young man may follow my lead, by all means boys, hop aboard the Awesome train.
→ Continue reading Project Reality
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