Open Letter of the Week: Women I Ogle on Facebook

Dear Women I Ogle on Facebook,

You and I have had, as they say, a tumultuous relationship. Every once in a very great while, you post a picture of yourself that is truly magnificent. Some magical alignment of camera angle, facial expression, and cleavage occurs and I see you in a photograph that makes me feel genuinely lecherous. The fact that each of your photos has the potential to be one of these few fantastic ones is what keeps me coming back, but I find the ratio of your hot vs. boring pictures to be about the same as the good vs. shit ratio of the Wii library. That is to say, poor.

The vast majority of the time, there is at least one, and there are usually many, things wrong with what I’m seeing. The angle is off, you’re making a funny face, you’re posing with your friends (or even worse, your boyfriend), and the picture is rendered unusable.

I’m not saying you need to get into porn, I just feel that humanity would be much better served if you could slip me some erotic photos to help me out. If you’re not up for that, here’s my advice: you don’t have to always make a funny face, show some cleavage, and always kick your boyfriend out of the shot.

Clicking “like” for you,
Newbs