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Open Letter of the Week: Regina Spektor

August 25, 2009 Open Letter No Comments


Dear Regina Spektor,

Jesus fucking Christ. You are an authentic citizen of the Soviet Union. I have your discography, and I listen to you when I’m walking, bussing, relaxing, and browsing Magic cards. I like to imagine that when you play the piano, those glorious breasts bobble up and down rhythmically with the music.

Boning you would be like riding a hoverboard on a rainbow shaped like soft-serve ice cream.

I have nothing else to say. I am in awe.

Eating Wonderbread,
Newbs

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