Open Letter of the Week: Progressive Girl, Flo

Dear Progressive.com Girl, Flo,

My television viewing skills have greatly diminished since my teenage years. It’s not that I’m watching less television (although I am), it’s just that I pay so much less attention. Where once, I could tell you, in detail, about Mazda’s Zoom Zoom kid, I don’t know a thing about you.

I saw you on TV today and thought, “damn, she’s hot.” Then I had to process for a moment to remember that I’ve been seeing you for years. With that realization, I decided that I should write you a letter and let you know how I truly feel. I hope doing so will properly engrave in my mind the attraction which I hold for you. Like last week’s Shirley Manson, you have both the DSL, and the bright red lipstick to remind me of that fact. I’m sorry, but it’s true. I don’t have a car, but I’d buy insurance from you if you would, you know, help me out.

By the way, your name is Flo, and that reminds me of menstruation, but that’s okay.

I’ll trick out your name tag,
Newbs