Dear Kari Byron,
Every Sunday and Monday evening, and sometimes randomly for an entire day, I view you on my television, and wonder at your splendour. For several years now, you’ve been a shining beacon of hope in my life. While watching Mythbusters, I imagine myself working with you, exploding things with you, and fornicating with you.
I may be out of line here, I’m sorry if this is rude, but I was just wondering, could you go ahead and invent a time machine, then use it to undo your pregnancy? I’m just concerned that you might lose some of your bang-ability now that you’re a mother. Actually, that sounds like a good myth that you and I can test!
Here’s the plan: we get Grant to build a pre-pregnancy Kari-bot, I then plow both you and the robot repeatedly, keenly observing and carefully noting the subtle differences, and in so doing, determine who the better lay is.
I was just wondering, why am I not your replacement while you’re on maternity leave?
Totally busted (a nut),