Ubisoft “dares” you to respect yourself as a gamer ever again with “We Dare”

Hint: select parental code “6969″ at the end of the above video to see evidence of a video game leading to a gang bang.

Ubisoft has yet another mini-game fest in the works for the Wii, but this isn’t your typical Wii Sports knock-off. As you can see in the ad embedded above, the mini-games in We Dare encourage adult behaviour such as flirtatiously whacking another person on the lower back. Oh yeah, and doubling up on a Wiimote.

Unfortunately for North Americans looking to get laid (the ads make it abundantly clear that this game directly leads to boning), the title will not be heading to that continent.

Augh augh augh, give me Zelda, augh augh augh

Image: Nintendo.

When in unholy fuck is the world getting its next Zelda game?

Back in December, Shigeru Miyamoto claimed that Skyward Sword was an ominous “over half complete,” but now Iwata is saying “[Miyamoto's] team is now entering into the final completion stage of the game.” So that’s something. He also says:

Talking about The Legend of Zelda franchise, what people called a masterpiece in the days of Nintendo 64, “The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time” has been in the process of being remade for Nintendo 3DS, and this Nintendo 3DS version is expected to hit the market earlier.

Seriously people, I need this shit to live. As crushingly painful as it may be that we have to wait until the end of March for the 3DS, and then somewhere between then and June for the Ocarina of Time remake, it is even harder to come to terms with the idea that we have to wait until after that for a truly new Zelda game.

It’s been five, FIVE, years since Twilight Princess came out. Two since Spirit Tracks, and that was boring and hardly lived up to what I need in a Zelda fix! Come on!

Back when Twilight Princess was announced, I made a decent effort to play through the previous games in the series in anticipation. Anyone doing anything similar for this?

Source: GoNintendo

Nintendo “announces” another Kirby, Pandora’s Tower

Image: Pandora's Tower, Nintendo.

During an investors meeting, Nintendo stealth announced a couple of new Wii games: yet another Kirby 2D platformer (this time developed by Kirby’s old friends at HAL, and something called Pandora’s Tower.

The Kirby game appears to be the eternally under development GameCube game. The trailer can be seen here. It looks a lot like what was shown in 2005. Why this had to be delayed all the way until immediately after the release of Kirby’s Epic Yarn remains a mystery.

The other title, Pandora’s Tower is even less comprehensible. There’s a teaser site, which includes the art above and a Biblical quote. It’s supposedly coming to Japan this spring. Developer and genre are unknown. Expect an overwrought JRPG that will never be brought to the west.

Super Meat Boy for WiiWare tossed in the grinder

Image: Super Meat Boy. Copyright Team Meat.

Team Meat of Super Meat Boy fame have announced via Twitter that the WiiWare version of their game is dead.

The Developer stated “ATTENTION: there will not be a Wiiware version of SMB. we are looking in to retail Wii, bit its also looking grim. still looking though.”

Internet dwellers are claiming the cancellation of the project comes as a result of the strict 40MB limit placed on WiiWare titles. If that is indeed the issue, I can’t help but blame Nintendo for their gross neglect of the online component of their console, and utter ignorance of the developing downloadable games market.

Muscle March Review