 February 8th, 2010 by Newbs -
This week’s Shameful Human works behind the protective veil of anonymity, he or she is whoever wrote the “Intro” story for Sonic the Hedgehog 4 on the game’s official site. The events of the early, slightly better, Sonic games is lovingly recapped by this person in a series awkwardly written, comma-abusing paragraphs. Allow me to begin by analyzing one such paragraph.
Their reunion is short lived however, as Eggman resurfaces and begins kidnapping Sonic friends again, in an effort to create more workers to finish his ultimate Weapon – The Death Egg! Teaming up with the newly met, Miles ‘Tails’ Prower, Sonic embarks on a new mission through West Side Island in an effort to free his friends and ensure Eggman does not obtain the 7 Chaos emeralds to fuel the Death Egg.
I see run-on sentences everywhere! It doesn’t help that the tone of the piece echoes that of your typical, confused, adolescent Sonic fan-fic writer, either. I want to focus in on one error in particular though, about half-way through this little chunk of mangled English. It’s the gem “Teaming up with the newly met, Miles ‘Tails’ Prower, Sonic embarks on a new mission…” You see, the problem is that when you insert a little aside mid-sentence like that, the sentence still has to make sense with the aside taken out. What the writer is implying is that Sonic is embarking on a new mission with his newly met self.
It would be giving SEGA too much credit to think that this entire butcher-job was done on purpose to parody the rough translations found in early video games. I have to single out whatever unqualified moron wrote this shit, or pasted the original Japanese into Babel Fish and used whatever was spit out, because it’s clear that person has incredible luck, and I deserve to be massively jealous of it. I want to murder the English language in a cushy writing job for a company that no longer cares and in which no one can be bothered to review my work.
[source]
February 5th, 2010 by Newbs -
Since its announcement at E3 2009, the world hasn’t heard much about Super Mario Galaxy 2, but the general impression has been that the game will be a thoroughly awesome, but safe, direct sequel to the original Super Mario Galaxy.
Well, it turns out that the game might not be “safe” at all. British Nintendo-centric magazine NGamer just harnessed the power of Twitter to claim:
We’ve just had some shocking news from an inside source at Nintendo: Sonic will be a playable character in Mario Galaxy 2! Wha?
The publication later added that the news came from a “trusted source,” and said additionally that “Sonic levels will be in ‘Green Hill Galaxy.’”
All of this sounds too absurd to be true, but once upon a time, no one thought Sonic would ever be in Smash Bros., or that the two mascots would team up at the Olympics, or that Sonic would even be on a Nintendo system. We’ll just have to wait and see, and Shufflingdead will keep you up-to-date as this frightening story develops.
[source]
February 4th, 2010 by Newbs -
More so than perhaps any other company on Earth, SEGA loves to rape the ever-loving-shit out of its once proud legacy. The company, which had one successful console fifteen years ago and is still trying to trade on your good memories of the thing, has decided to make a sketchy Wii clone, territory usually reserved for mall kiosk cons.
The new SEGA Zone will retail for about $80 US and come packaged with 20 classic SEGA titles like Ecco, Golden Axe, and Sonic, two Wii-mote-like controllers, and 30 new games (16 of which are motion controlled).
The new games are what you would expect to find on a cheap Wii clone, they’re things like table tennis, darts, and fencing.
Congratulations SEGA, I didn’t think you could sink any lower after all those awful furry-filled 3D Sonic games, but this really is a new level of shame for you.
[source]
January 4th, 2010 by Newbs -
The Shameful Human this week is Constantine Hantzopoulos, definitely not pictured to the right. You try finding reasonably large pictures of video game industry personnel. He’s a studio director at SEGA, and another industry insider taking up arms against the guiltless Wii.
Hantzopoulos recently spoke to the Wii hating gang over at 1UP.com, on their 4 Guys 1UP podcast, where he spewed your typical ignorant Wii hater’s spew.
But that begets the question, are we going to do more mature titles for the Wii? And it’s like, probably not. Look at Dead Space. We were stunned. That was my litmus test. Basically, it’s like, okay, you got EA, who can put all the marketing muscle behind this, an established franchise that scored quite well on 360 and PS3. They should be able to actually hit this out of the park, right? We get numbers, real numbers aside from NPD, and I’m like, ‘Woah.’
‘Woah’ is right. Maybe this guy really is Keanu Reeves. Before forming this ridiculous opinion, Hantzopoulos should have considered the facts: EA didn’t do shit to market Dead Space Extraction, the first Dead Space game did not sell very well, the first Dead Space game was not on Wii and is therefore not established on that system.
How about this, Mr. Hantzopoulos, try putting some effort into both the development and marketing of a so called “mature” Wii game, the kind of effort you in the industry love to throw at the PS3 and 360 all the time, and then tell me whether or not you want to make any more such games for the system. People like you appear to be a bunch of bigots desperately trying to justify your ignorant hate for a successful Nintendo console. The 16-bit wars were a long time ago, let it go.
[source]
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