Shameful Human(s) of the Week: Fox News

Image: News Corporation.

Of course, the employees of Fox News could take turns being Shameful Human from here on out and it would be entirely justified, but that would be too easy. That granted, I’ve got a link to a Fox News exposé on the horrors of video games that’s given me special motivation to berate the organization this week. It’s right here. Be sure to make a wanking motion the entire time you’re reading that. Let’s do a quick run through of the issues with this piece.

The title is “Is Bulletstorm the Worst Video Game in the World?” Oh I get it, you can imply ridiculous things to your readers without being entirely libelous by posing leading questions. I need to take notes for my website dedicated to mockery and trolling. “Fair and balanced” is so ironic a slogan that I actually have to keep my brain from flipping into “I’m reading parody” mode when consuming Fox material.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jerry Weichman says “if a younger kid experiences Bulletstorm‘s explicit language and violence, the damage could be significant.” Well, I suppose children can be affected by viewing violence, but Bulletstorm is M rated. If 9-year-olds are playing the game, I suspect it is as a result of poor parenting… no wait, I’m wrong. According to psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, ESRB ratings aren’t enforced. That’s funny, because I’ve personally seen EB employees refuse to sell to kids, and they are apparently better enforced than movie ratings. Baselessly attacking movies must not be worth as many scare points for Fox’s old and angry audience.

Lieberman wasn’t done making shit up in her above quote. She also claims “the increase in rapes can be attributed in large part to the playing out of [sexual] scenes in video games.” I wonder when all those dating sims I’ve played will kick in and I’ll go on a raping frenzy.

Alright, final ridiculous quote. “Video game publishers traditionally stay glib about the issue of violence.” This statement is followed up by an explanation of all the “no comments” game companies gave to Fox. In other words, I don’t think glib means what Fox News thinks it means.

Mass Effect 2 is gaming media’s “Game of the Year”

Image: Mass Effect 2 box art. Copyright BioWare.

Cheesemeister over at NeoGAF has been tallying up various media outlets’ awards for Game of the Year. The results are as disheartening as expected.

As of writing this, Mass Effect 2 leads the pack with 40.5 “GOTY” awards, and Red Dead Redemption is in second with 32.5. Mario Galaxy 2 trails in a distant third place position, with 9.

Possible explanations for this injustice:

• The gaming media is incompetent.
• The gaming media is desperate to appear as “bro-sexual” as possible.
• The gaming media does not appreciate art.
• The gaming media’s corporate interests do not lie with promoting Nintendo.
• The gaming media hates me personally.
• The gaming media is out to get me.

Medal of Honor gives media something to complain about

Karen Meredith, a “Gold Star Mom” whose son died in the Iraq war recently went on make-believe-news-channel Fox to complain about EA’s upcoming relaunch of the Medal of Honor series. Apparently, you can play as the Taliban in the game, and that means its time to manufacture a controversy.

The Fox interviewer was shockingly sane in talking to the woman, pointing out that the game is being sold to and played by adults, and that playing war doesn’t seem all that different from playing cops and robbers. Karen’s response? “War is not a game. Period.” She did go on to excuse WWII games though, as that was a long time ago, and nobody’s dying from that war right now.

I suppose it’s okay to have fantasies about shooting Taliban members, they don’t have mothers, right?

Chris Brown rocks Kirby necklace, Daily Mail rocks ignorance

Musician/woman hitter Chris Brown was recently spotted wearing a giant piece of Kirby bling. Even from the perspective of someone who regularly wears a Mario hat, his fashion sense seems a little questionable.

The media hasn’t really known what to do with this important surfacing of a Nintendo mascot in mainstream culture. The Daily Mail‘s story on the topic has been edited multiple times, exposing shocking ignorance. They at first described the great inhaler as a “pink cat,” then changed that to a Pokémon, before finally settling on Kirby. Although they still seem to think Kirby is a cat. At least Perez got his name right.

Brown joins the elite club of Nintendo-loving celebrities, which also includes the likes of Eminem, Kevin Federline, and Robin Williams.

Matt Casamassina abandons last shred of loyalty

Matt Casamassina, a man I have lovingly refered to as “Ass-amassina” for many years now, has finally earned his nickname. Matt has announced the end of his career over at IGN.com, where he served in various roles, generally promoting the hell out of Nintendo. He’s heading to Apple, where he will manage the games section of the famous Apple App store. Matt took to his new blog to make the announcement Tuesday:

Beginning early May, I will join Apple as global editorial games manager, App Store. In a nutshell, I will be leading the charge for games on the App Store, so whether you browse through iTunes, iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad, the games content you see will be handpicked and organized by me and my team. I couldn’t be happier.

This is truly the end of an era for Nintendo lovers/haters, as the hero to both sides is stepping down from his dual role as desperate promoter/virulent hater. No more will we hear about mediocre Wii shooters destined to revolutionize the FPS genre, no longer will we be promised the revival of long-dead Nintendo franchises, only to be let down when nothing ever materializes.

Matt helped bring video game enthusiast press to the internet with N64.com in 1997 (which later became the N64 section of IGN.com), and he was a recent Interneter of the Week. I’ll miss him and all the hate he receives.

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