Interneter of the Week: Casey Heynes

Image: LiveLeak.com

This week’s interneter is the 15-year-old juggernaut, Casey Heynes. Casey’s story, really a heroes journey condensed into a brief video clip, has taken the internet like a body slam into pavement.

Casey’s problems in life echo those many of us interneters have faced. He was bullied since childhood, and things kept going in high school. Casey reports having names like “fatty” being tossed at him along with random acts of violence.

It’s Casey’s solution to those issues that make him stand out. One day, Casey had had enough. A smaller boy, Ritchard Gale, was punching and poking at Casey repeatedly when Casey finally decided to use his size to his advantage. The legend heaved Ritchard up, and upside down, then slammed him forcefully onto the hard walkway.

Since the incident, Casey has received an outpouring of positive attention from the internet and local media, but he’s been left alone at school.

Casey Heynes, ShufflingDead salutes you on behalf of the internet and all of nerdom, for you have precisely expressed our frustrated desires.

He piled upon the whale’s white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart’s shell upon it.

Magic Card of the Week: Dragonmaster Outcast

IMAGE: COPYRIGHT WIZARDS OF THE COAST

This week’s MCotW is Dragonmaster Outcast, from the Worldwake set.

This shaman may not look like much, being a 1/1 creature for 1 red mana, but he has potential to be a serious problem for your opponents.

During each of your upkeeps, if you have six lands, Dragonmaster Outcast will gift you a 5/5 flying dragon for free, just for letting him hang out.

Nice guy.

My first thought when I saw this little bastard was “wow, this needs to be in my dragon deck,” but really, there are so places where he can be applied.

He only costs one red and his ability is triggered by lands, not just mountains so there is no need to restrict him to a mono-red deck.

Toss him into any deck where you’ve splashed red, and you’ll definitely see some results, dragon-beatdown-style.

Star Trek Episode of the Week: When The Bough Breaks

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

On this week’s Star Trek episode, Wesley Crusher is asked by a group of aliens to repopulate their species.

Plot: The Enterprise stumbles upon the rumoured planet of Aldea, only to find its residents are not as awesome as legend would have them believe. The Aldeans have lost the ability to reproduce, and they kidnap children from the Enterprise with the hopes of kick-starting a new generation for their planet.

Character Development: In “When the Bough Brakes,” we learn that Harry Bernard, son of Starfleet lieutenant Harry Bernard, Sr., is not a fan of calculus.

Forehead of the Week: The Aldeans of Aldea have incredible lives. Their computers do everything for them, they are hidden from the rest of the galaxy, they get to spend their time doing whatever they want, and they have absolutely no children to bother them. Aldeans have the greatest culture in Star Trek history.

Memorable Quote: “Things are only impossible until they’re not.” – Picard, being profound.

DOES ERRBODY KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?!?! It’s Friday, Friday!

Big shout out to Rebecca Black for making this day possible. The 13 year-old YouTube sensation is variously telling us like it is, supplying the beats to help us get down, and reminding us what days make up the week.

Black’s song about the important life decisions 13 year-olds have to make such as what seat to take in a car was produced and written by Ark Music, who was paid $2000 for the honour. Her 13 million views can likely be ascribed to the very relatable struggle we all face of having to eat cereal out of a bowl.

THQ stock plummets 25% from poor review scores

Image: Homefront boxart. THQ.

It seems internet detectives are not the only ones who care about review scores.

THQ, the video game developer and publisher that no one can believe is still in business, took a stock market beating on Tuesday as reviews of its upcoming FPS, Homefront, turned negative.

The lower scores came out on Tuesday, while earlier (read: fanboy make-believe) reviews praised the game.

Homefront takes place in a fictional future and appears to be yet another derivative clone of Modern Warfare, judging by the 30 seconds of research I bothered to do for this piece.

Source: Gamasutra