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Cock Wars 2011: Round #2: Merfolk of the Pearl Trident v. Princess Leia v. Arwen v. Achilles

March 31, 2011 Cock Wars No Comments

Whose johnson excels?

  • Princess Leia (45%, 10 Votes)
  • Merfolk of the Pearl Trident (23%, 5 Votes)
  • Achilles (18%, 4 Votes)
  • Arwen (14%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 22

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Merfolk of the Pearl Trident (Weskimo)

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

These aquatic warriors are the key to the success of any blue creature attack, flapping their fins around, waving their pointy weapons, and costing one blue mana all over the place. Don’t mess with these guys. Seriously. They’ll stick you.

Back in 1995, these guys were one of blue’s most reliable creatures. They didn’t bounce back to your hand when they actually do something, and they can attack your opponent without having to repeatedly mutate his lands into islands. These guys were the real trident-head of the assault.

What Others Are Saying: “Are merfolk humans with fins, or are humans merfolk with feet?”

Special Moves: Costing 1 blue mana. Tridenting things.

Princess Leia (Newbs)

Image: Lucasfilm.

Description: Princess Leia was instrumental in the fall of the Empire during the Galactic Civil War. She was responsible for transferring to R2-D2 the Death Star plans, allowing the rebels to exploit a weakness found within those details. Unlike her ugly-ass brother, who was raised by moisture farmers, Leia was adopted by royalty because she was blatantly the superior of the two.

Special moves: Kissing her brother.

Battle cry: “Someone get this big walking carpet out of my way!”

What others are saying: “I know.” – Han Solo

Arwen (Newbs)

Image: New Line Cinema.

Description: Arwen is the youngest, and hottest, daughter of Elrond, Lord of Rivendell. Some claim that she has the magical ability to summon a river to do her bidding and use it to sweep away nothing less than a rampaging team of Black Riders.

Less controversially, she wound up marrying the king of men at some point, and managed to live to be 2901 years of age.

Achilles (BloodLark)

Description: The child of Thetis the nymph and Peleus King of the Myrmidons.

Achilles is the main character in the Iliad. Being a great warrior, he played an important role in the battle of Troy. Achilles also pissed off Apollo by defacing his temple. His legend lives on today in the idiom “Achilles Heel.”

Questions: Why didn’t his momma double dip?

Death: Killed by an arrow in the heel that was shot by Paris.

Quote:
Sing, goddess, of Achilles ruinous anger
Which brought ten thousand pains to the Achaeans,
And cast the souls of many stalwart heroes
To Hades, and their bodies to the dogs
And birds of prey

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