Home » Cock Wars » Currently Reading:

Cock Wars 2011: Round #16: Donkey Kong v. Mega Man v. Abraham Lincoln v. Emperor Palpatine

April 21, 2011 Cock Wars No Comments

Whose johnson excels?

  • Abraham Lincoln (45%, 10 Votes)
  • Emperor Palpatine (27%, 6 Votes)
  • Donkey Kong (18%, 4 Votes)
  • Mega Man (9%, 2 Votes)

Total Voters: 22

Loading ... Loading ...

Donkey Kong (Newbs)

Image: Nintendo.

Description: Donkey Kong is a massive gorilla with two interests: bananas and women. His adventures related to those two things fuel the joy of humanity. Once, long ago, the 800 pound behemoth kidnapped a young woman named Pauline. A stout plumber named Mario was forced to come to her rescue, and thus modern video games were born. More recently, Kong has repeatedly had his banana horde stolen by various evil animal forces, giving an excuse for much joyous platforming to be had.

Mega Man (Newbs)

Image: Capcom.

Description: Mega Man is an android of moderate strength who frequently (very frequently) builds himself into a state of astounding power through the harvest of upgrades from various robotic threats. Mega Man began life as a mere android before being converted into a fighting robot for the purpose of defeating the evil Dr. Wily’s nefarious machinations.

Abraham Lincoln (badjokebob)

Image: Public domain.

Description: “Honest” Abe Lincoln was the sixteenth president and he engaged in the ultimate pissing contest with Jefferson Davis. As a child he grew up in the raw frontier of America learning hard work and self sufficiency, his log splitting abilities are legendary. Abe was a Captain of militia during the Black Hawk War, he said they “lost more blood to mosquitoes than Indians” Despite this poor showing he was soon the president of a country at war with itself. As Commander in Chief he walked a fine line between trampling the rights of all Americans and ending the institution of slavery in America. He was able to keep a large and well supplied army in the field long enough for a General to figure out what to do with it.

Quote: Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth.

Emperor Palpatine (Newbs)

Image: Lucasfilm.

Description: Emperor Palpatine, also known as Darth Sidious, is an especially devious Dark Lord of the Sith who manipulated his way through the ranks of the Republic and was ultimately elected President. From that position, he was able to orchestrate a manufactured war with a manufactured threat and convince the senate to appoint him Emperor.

As Emperor, Palpatine ruled with viciousness and malice, caring for nothing but his own power. Palpatine dissolved the Imperial Senate and believed he could maintain control through fear alone. It was a good plan, and he would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling rebels. The Emperor had no issue with annihilating entire planets in order to keep his Empire under control.

Palpatine’s force powers were likely the greatest of the modern era. He concealed the fact that he was a Dark Lord from the entire Jedi order during his rise to power, and defeated Yoda himself in a lightsaber duel.

Comment on this Article:







Related Posts

Blown Wars: Single Day Run-Off Final Vote: Old Spice Guy v. Korben Dallas

1 Jun 2011

Folks, this is seemingly the war that will never end. Spock, Old Spice Guy, Korben Dallas, and Yoda have fought mightily for a week now, and at the end of things, two have ended up in a tie. That leaves us with a single-day, no-holds-barred, winner-takes-all death-match between the likes …

Blown Wars: Final Battle: Spock v. Old Spice Guy v. Korben Dallas v. Yoda

25 May 2011

Blown Wars: Round #4: Ash v. Gandalf v. Yoda v. Abraham Lincoln

18 May 2011

The Archives

June 2017
S M T W T F S
« Jul    
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Follow!


Like Shufflingdead.com Subscribe to Shufflingdead.com Check out our Youtube Videos Follow us on Twitter