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Cock Wars 2011: Round #15: Scarlett Johansson v. Toucan Sam v. Eowyn v. Gary Oldman

April 21, 2011 Cock Wars No Comments

Whose johnson excels?

  • Gary Oldman (44%, 8 Votes)
  • Eowyn (22%, 4 Votes)
  • Scarlett Johansson (17%, 3 Votes)
  • Toucan Sam (17%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 18

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Scarlett Johansson (Newbs)

Image: Public domain.

Description: Scarlett Johansson is an accomplished American actor who has appeared in two of my favourite movies: Ghost World and Lost in Translation. When she’s not appearing in beautifully melancholy films, she likes to be a political and anti-poverty activist.

ScarJo’s other interests include singing and twice-annual HIV tests.

Toucan Sam (Weskimo)

Image: Kellogg's.

Famous lines: “Follow your nose!”

Éowyn (Newbs)

Image: New Line Cinema.

Description: Éowyn is the niece of King Théoden and a shieldmaiden of Rohan. She grew depressed following her father’s death at the hand of orcs, and her mother’s subsequent death-by-grief. As Éowyn is female and a member of nobility, she was unable to avenge these deaths for a long time, forced instead to look after her sickly uncle while being stalked by the woefully unattractive Gríma Wormtongue.

Eventually, Rohan was able to cast out the evil influence of Saruman, and with it her uncle’s illness. Rohan ultimately went to war against the dark forces of Sauron, where Éowyn herself was able to sneak into battle. Tag-teaming with Merry, Éowyn was able to take down the Witch King of Angmar himself, of whom it was said no man could kill.

Battle cry: “I am no man.”

Gary Oldman (BloodLark)

Image: IMG_5478. CC-BY.

Origin: Born 1958 in Britain.

Notable contribution: He is one of the greatest and easily transformed actors. He is the actor that half the time you don’t even realize it’s him. He’s played characters in movies such as The Fifth Element, Air Force One, Hannibal, Harry Potter, and newest Batman movies. Every one of us will always remember him as Zorg, and the youngsters will remember him as Sirius Black. Seeing his name in the credits of any movie almost guarantees an incredible film. P.S. he was married to Uma Thurman for a while, weird.

Questions: Zorg or Sirius?

Death: Nope.

Quote: “Any actor who tells you that they have become the people they play, unless they’re clearly diagnosed as a schizophrenic, is bullshitting you.”

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