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Cock Wars 2011: Round #14: Garak v. Dexter Morgan v. Dr. Cal Lightman v. Queen Amidala

April 21, 2011 Cock Wars 1 Comment

Whose johnson excels?

  • Dexter Morgan (35%, 8 Votes)
  • Garak (30%, 7 Votes)
  • Queen Amidala (26%, 6 Votes)
  • Dr. Cal Lightman (9%, 2 Votes)

Total Voters: 23

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Garak (BloodLark)

Image: CBS Paramount.

Origin: If you ask you’ll get a different answer.

Notable contribution: Garak is possibly one of the most influential individuals of DS9. At first seeming just a simple tailor, rumours of his rather important past would occasionally pop up. Eventually he was revealed to be the son and protégé of Enabran Tain, the head of the Obsidian Order. Forced into exile he had a brief relationship with Gul Dukat’s daughter. Then during the Dominion war, at the behest of Sisko, he assassinated a Romulan Senator to make sure the Romulans would not join with the Dominion. This action helped Starfleet to win the Dominion war.

Questions: Would you have lunch with him?

Death: Classified.

Quote: The truth is usually just an excuse for lack of imagination.

Dexter Morgan (Weskimo)

Image: Showtime.

Description: Dexter Morgan is a sociopath with an undeniable need to kill. He needs to feel those last shuddering breaths of his victims, see that shocked look in their eyes, and bear witness to their sudden violent demise. But Dexter is no ordinary serial killer. He may have no conscience, he may have very little in the way of humanity, but he possesses an extremely strong survival instinct, and so follows his Code for choosing victims as an integral part in never getting caught.

The differences in Dexter’s mind were quickly recognized by his foster father, a police officer frustrated at watching the law protect the guilty and the guilty walk free. And so, he curbed Dexter’s need towards fulfilling a purpose: Justice. Dexter’s Code forces him to hunt and kill only those he can prove are guilty of murder themselves. All his life, Dexter has honed his skills to be the most capable killer he could be, taking courses in advanced jiu-jitsu to better subdue his targets and even working as a forensics analyst for the police.

Efficient, deadly, and exceptionally good at cleaning up after himself, Dexter’s victims never see his attacks coming. He, however, will take some time to discuss the crimes of the accused with them after they have been restrained. His Kill Rooms are designed to have significance, meaning. He uses the backdrop to highlight to his prey the reason they have been chosen and remind them that they brought their deaths upon themselves.

What Others Are Saying: “You give me the fucking creeps, you know that Dexter?” – Sergeant Doakes

Special Moves: Murder, pretending to not be a murderer.

Dr. Cal Lightman (BloodLark)

Image: Fox.

Origin: A Brit

Notable contribution: Dr.Lighman is a rather large arsehole who is an expert at reading people’s body language. Specifically he excels in reading the micro expressions of someone’s face. It is thought these expressions reveal what you are truly thinking. Cal uses this ability to aid clients, solve crimes, and torment his employees.

Questions: Would you want someone to read your face?

Death: Bloody hell not yet.

Quote: Truth or happiness. Never both.

Queen Amidala (Newbs)

Image: Lucasfilm.

Description: Queen Padmé Amidala was a strong proponent of democracy during her position as senator for Naboo (how a queen can be in favour of democracy, I have no idea). During this time she was foolishly seduced by rape-face Anakin Skywalker who won her over by telling her she was better than sand.

Amidala died of grief (as happens so often to women in fiction I’ve discovered) shortly after the rise of Emperor Palpatine. She just managed to pump out two kids with Anakin though, whose names are Luke and Leia. They ultimately proved that their mother’s life was not a total waste.

Battle cry: “I will sign no treaty, Senator.”

Currently there is "1 comment" on this Article:

  1. MerrGe says:

    I’d forgotten all about Garak. Damn was he awesome. Case in point:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFWuSH4FywA

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f78UN5T61_o

Comment on this Article:







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