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Cock Wars 2011: Round #13: Scryb Sprites v. Alice v. Hercules v. Steven Spielberg

April 21, 2011 Cock Wars No Comments

Whose johnson excels?

  • Alice (44%, 8 Votes)
  • Hercules (28%, 5 Votes)
  • Steven Spielberg (17%, 3 Votes)
  • Scryb Sprites (11%, 2 Votes)

Total Voters: 18

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Scryb Sprites (Weskimo)

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

Description: The Scryb are a tribe of Faeries that lurk in Dominaria’a forests, waiting. Just waiting. Sure, they are often seen flitting about, frolicking amongst the trees and leaves, but don’t be fooled. They’re just waiting for you. Yes, you. Don’t stop and gawk at their miniature motions. Don’t linger over their antics. They’re out to hurt you. For one damage. The funnier you think they are, the more they want to hurt you. So just keep on walking. That’s right. Don’t look at them. They’ll get you if you look at them.

Special Move: Throwing berries

Alice (Newbs)

Image: Screen Gems.

Description: Alice’s early career was spent working as a security officer for Umbrella Corporation. It was there that she was left to combat the rampaging hordes of zombies created by the company’s weapons experiments. Alice went on to bond with the T-Virus, growing vastly in power.

Following the destruction of humanity by Umbrella’s T-Virus, Alice went on to lead a rag-tag bunch of survivors against Umbrella’s ongoing nefarious plots while battling a never-ending supply of zombies and super-zombies.

Hercules (BloodLark)

Image: Public domain.

Origin: Son of Zeus and the mortal Alcmene.

Notable contribution: He Completed the Twelve Labours set by Eurystheus, joined with the Argonauts to get the Golden Fleece, and freed Prometheus. Throughout his life he had to contend with his Hera, she was just a bit pissed at Zeus’ infidelities. When given the option of a pleasant/easy life or a severe/glorious one he chose glory and definitely lived up to it.

Questions: Tate Donovan or Kevin Sorbo?

Death: Hercules voluntarily had himself burned on a pyre while still alive. The fire consumed his mortal flesh and with that loss he became a true god.

Quote: Once you have harpies you can’t get rid of them.

Steven Spielberg (MerrGe)

Image: Public domain.

Description: Undoubtedly one of the most influential film personalities in history, Steven Spielberg is perhaps Hollywood’s best known director and one of the wealthiest filmmakers in the world. Spielberg has countless big-grossing, critically acclaimed credits to his name, as producer, director and writer. Nominated for 6 Academy Awards for best director, and another 6 for best picture, as well as 10 Golden Glode nominations for best director, and another 3 for best picture. But I think his work really speaks for itself.

Some highlights include work on Indiana Jones (all of them), Jaws, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Back to the Future (all of them), Jurassic Park (all of them), Men in Black (both), Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Schindler’s List (which he apparently asked not to be paid for), Memoirs of a Geisha, Twister, Gremlins, Saving Private Ryan, and Transformers (but we can forgive him for that one). His work also includes family fair like Balto, Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, Batteries Not Included, An American Tail (and Fieval Goes West), Hook, ET, and The Land Before Time.

I mean really, what more do you want from one man?

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