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Cock Wars 2011: Round #11: The Dude v. Saruman v. Starscream v. C-3P0 & R2D2

April 14, 2011 Cock Wars No Comments

Whose johnson excels?

  • Saruman (36%, 8 Votes)
  • Starscream (32%, 7 Votes)
  • C-3P0 & R2D2 (18%, 4 Votes)
  • The Dude (14%, 3 Votes)

Total Voters: 22

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The Dude (Newbs)

Image: Universal Studios.

Description: Put simply, The Dude abides. Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski is a skilled bowler, and an even finer slacker. His laid-back attitude towards life has helped him endure hardships like the ruination of his rug, the death of his close friend, and involvement in a complex embezzlement scheme.

The Dude’s legacy lives on in the religion which his life inspired, known as Dudeism.

Battle cry: “Well that’s just, like, uhh… your opinion, man.”

Saruman (Newbs)

Image: New Line Cinema.

Description: Saruman the White came to Middle-earth as the head of Istari, a group of five wizards sent by the Valar to combat Sauron. Of the five, four failed in their tasks, but perhaps none harder than Saruman. Instead of screwing off like the blue wizards, or playing with animals like the brown wizard, Saruman actually teamed up with Sauron to really screw with The Fellowship and its allies.

What others are saying: “Tell me, ‘friend,’ when did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?” – Gandalf

Starscream (Weskimo)

Image: Hasbro.

Description: Starscream is Megatron’s right hand man and arguably the second most powerful Decepticon in operation. He fiercely subscribes to the rule of “survival of the fittest” and is one damn highly ambitious alien robot.

Constantly looking for an angle to wrest control of the Decepticon forces from Megatron’s clutches, he also possesses an intense hatred for the Autobots and their allies, and uses that hatred to fuel his attacks upon them. Transforming into a fighter jet, he rains spite-charged rage upon his foes, delivering a destruction entreĆ© with a side of cruelty to any in his bombing run’s path.

C-3P0 & R2D2 (Newbs)

Image: Lucasfilm.

Description: Of the many famous tag-teams in cinema history, perhaps none stand taller than the whining C-3P0 and his robust little companion R2-D2. C-3P0 began life as an engineering experiment by the eventual Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader. R2-D2 started out as a Naboo defense forces astromech droid, but went on to carry the designs of the Death Star within his rusty innards, a role which eventually became vital to the defeat of the Empire.

What others are saying: “Never tell me the odds!” – Han Solo

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