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Star Trek Episode of the Week: Resolutions

Continuing with my selection of Voyager episodes as I happen to catch them on TV, this week’s Star Trek episode is “Resolutions,” from season 2.

Plot: The episode begins with The Doctor reporting to Janeway and Chakotay that he has been unable to find a cure for their mysterious illness. He suspects the Vidiians could help, but contacting them would be too dangerous. Due to some plot convenience, Janeway and Chakotay will be unable to return to the ship, and must instead stay on the planet on which they were originally infected.

From there, “Resolutions” unfolds precisely as anyone familiar with episodic television can immediately guess. Tuvok is put in charge under strict orders not to contact the Vidiians, he follows those orders and the rest of the crew gets unruly because of it, Tuvok eventually contacts the dangerous aliens anyway, they are easily able to help, and order is restored by the end of the episode.

Character Development: In an act of pure fan-wank, Chakotay and Janeway spend a lot of time together getting awfully cozy during their little camping trip. Janeway wants to find a cure and get back to Voyager, Chakotay wants to settle down and start banging.

Forehead of the Week: That would have to be the mysterious alien creature that Chakotay and Janeway befriend when they are marooned. The creature is referred to as a primate, and looks, strangely enough, exactly like one of Earth’s spider monkeys. That such a creature could evolve independently of Earth, and yet be so much like one of Earth’s species, is a true marvel of science.

Memorable Quote: “…I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people.” – Chakotay, doing his best to put the audience to sleep

Star Trek Episode of the Week: 11:59

This week’s Star Trek episode is “11:59,” Voyager‘s fifth season tribute to sleep.

Plot: This episode flips between Janeway slowly coming to the sad realization that her ancestor, Shannon O’Donnell, was not an astronaut, did not work on any Mars missions, and was a mere consultant on the Millennium Gate, and the tale of the real Shannon O’Donnell, who was, in fact, just as boring as Janeway discovers her to be.

Character Development: In this episode, we learn that Janeway is a fraud of a scientist and researcher. Despite having lived a cushy Federation life, with unimaginable amounts of information easily available, she has never been bothered to do any serious research into the family history which inspired her career. She also believes that the Great Wall of China was one of the few man-made objects on Earth visible from space prior to the 22nd century, an absolute myth.

Forehead of the Week: Since there are no new real aliens introduced in this episode, I’m going to go with Janeway’s doppelganger ancestor, Shannon O’Donnell. In this episode, the crew of Voyager, along with the viewing audience, is subjected to the dull tale of O’Donnell, a consultant on a building project. Her only noteworthy characteristic is her predatory sexual nature toward geriatrics.

Memorable Quote: There aren’t any.

Star Trek Episode of the Week: Fair Haven

February 23, 2010 Star Trek Episode No Comments

This week’s Star Trek episode is “Fair Haven,” that 6th season Voyager classic in which Janeway bangs a very boring hologram.

Plot: Faced with a neutronic wavefront, the crew of Voyager are forced to bide their time in a dull recreation of a 19th century Irish village named Fair Haven until the storm passes. Instead of allowing her crew to enjoy the endless possibilities of the holodeck, Janeway feels it would be better to keep just the one program running, and force everyone to play along with her sick fetish for Irish holograms.

In this episode, Janeway meets a bartender in Fair Haven, and quickly falls for him. As their relationship develops, Janeway finds numerous small flaws with her new fake man, and modifies him to her liking. In other words, she makes him as dull as possible.

Eventually, the netronic wavefront causes Chakotay to need all the ship’s power to be redirected to the deflector emitters, and much of the Fair Haven program is lost as a result. Janeway’s man is saved, but the captain uses the events as an excuse to stop seeing him so much, and to stop modifying him.

Character Development: In this episode, we see yet more proof of Janeway’s stunning dullness. Instead of creating an 8-dicked-pleasure-monster, she spends all her time with a bartender/poet.

Forehead of the Week: Since there aren’t really any new aliens in this episode, I’m going to have to give it to Voyager’s holodecks. At one point, Janeway has Paris expand the program to use an additional holodeck, and yet there were no obvious limitations when only a single holodeck was used. How do those things work?

Memorable Quote: “Delete the wife.” – Janeway, not treating all holograms equally.

Star Trek Episode of the Week: Sub Rosa

February 16, 2010 Star Trek Episode No Comments

This week’s Star Trek episode comes from the idea-bankrupt seventh season of TNG.

Plot: Doctor Beverly Crusher attends her grandmother’s funeral on Caldos II, a planet which hosts a human colony of make-believe Scots. It’s here that Crusher encounters her grandmother’s young-looking lover, the anaphasic lifeform Ronin who lives in a candle. Ronin attempts to upgrade to Beverly now that her grandmother is dead, and succeeds for a time by giving her wild, writhing orgasms. Eventually, Ronin enters the body of Crusher’s dead grandmother in a desperate means of fighting off Data and Geordi, and this finally ends Crusher’s interest in him.

Character Development: In this episode, we learn that Beverly Crusher had a grandmother living on one very strange human colony. None of this is of any relevance to her as a character more broadly.

Forehead of the Week: That would obviously go to Ronin’s unnamed species, the anaphasic lifeform. Apparently these creatures have lived among humanity since at least 1647. Their power is incredible, they are able to inhabit creatures and objects, and leech off old ladies for decades.

Memorable Quote: “McFly.” – One of the gravestones on Caldos II, a great Back to the Future reference.

Star Trek Episode of the Week: Dear Doctor

This week’s Star Trek episode comes from the often maligned first season of Enterprise.

Plot: This is a Phlox heavy episode in which the good doctor wrestles with both his ravenous desire for inter-species copulation and carefully considered philosophies regarding cultural contamination, although he seems unaware of the irony of his conflicting view points on the two issues.

In Dear Doctor, Phlox and Crewman Elizabeth Cutler reveal their attraction to one another, with Cutler unphased by Phlox already having several wives. The episode concludes with the two heading for a date. Sadly, Cutler could have been a fun minor character in the show, but she disappeared when the actor playing the character, Kellie Waymire, died.

In addition to Phlox chasing human tail, he also has to deal with creating a cure for the genetic illness of an under-developed alien culture. He ultimately decides that, of the two humanoid species living on a planet, only the healthy one should live, and that he won’t give out the cure he’s developed for the other, sickly species. I guess they should have used their bootstraps better.

Character Development: This episode reveals that Phlox is one serious player.

Forehead of the Week: That honour has to go to the Valakians, who did nothing wrong and only sought the help of more “advanced” cultures. It was eventually decided by the advanced culture they found that the Valakians deserved to die because they had a genetic disorder, even though a cure was available.

Memorable Quote: “It’s mating season, so you know how that goes.” – Dr. Jeremy Lucas, living with horny Denobulans.

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