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Star Trek Episode: Haven


On this week’s episode of Star Trek, Deanna Troi’s childhood marriage arrangement catches up with her. Hijinks ensue.

Plot: The Enterprise is heading for the planet of Haven, renowned for both its maxin’ and relaxin’. On the way, Deanna recieves a transporter room surprise in the form of a talking metallic box which informs her it’s time for the arranged marriage of her childhood she was hoping to avoid.

In addition to Deanna’s husband to be (promising human doctor Wyatt Miller) and his parents, Deanna’s mother Lwaxana Troi also beams aboard the Enterprise. She’s wacky comedic relief! She hits on Picard, she hits on Riker, and everyone has a great time, myself especially. I laughed uproariously while watching this episode alone in my basement of solitude.

Character Development: Deanna and Riker’s relationship is as confusing as ever. He’s jealous of her upcoming marriage, and there’s certainly something going on between the two, but they aren’t anywhere near a proper couple, either. Considering how “single” Riker acts around other women, you’d think he’d be cool with Deanna seeing other guys, but he’s not. That’s bullshit.

Forehead of the Week: That goes to the multi-talented Mr. Homn, Lwaxana’s attendant. He’s at least seven feet tall, drinks like a Klingon, can out-lift Captain Picard, and has only spoken once.

Memorable Quote: “Bill.” – Deanna, refering to Riker. She is apparently close enough to Riker to know his secret nickname (you know, the one that’s not Will or Number One).

Star Trek Episode: Hide and Q

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

On this week’s episode of Star Trek, Q is back and he’s here to provide the crew with another meaningless challenge to overcome.

Plot: Q interrupts an important rescue mission the Enterprise is on so that he can figure out what would happen if he gave Riker the powers of the Q. What follows is a bunch of dicking around on a desert planet, some talking, and absolutely nothing of consequence. Deanna Troi is missing from this episode, and neither crew nor audience cares.

Character Development: Q-ed up Riker offers to grant each member of the regular cast a gift. This involves turning Wesley into a model from a men’s wear catalog, giving Geordi eyesight, and throwing Worf a rambunctious Klingon female. Of course, each crew person rejects his or her gift, citing the desire to be as boring as possible.

Forehead of the Week: The pig-like humanoid aliens dressed as 18th century French military uniforms that Q uses as props get the title this week. The show’s writers couldn’t even be bothered to name them, but they deserve more than that.

Memorable Quote: “Macro head with a micro brain.” – Q, slamming Worf with a witty quip about the size of his noggin.

Star Trek Episode: The Battle

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

If you’re wondering where “Justice,” the episode between last week’s “Lonely Among Us” and this week’s “The Battle” is, I already wrote about it. It’s right here.

On this week’s Star Trek episode, those wily Ferengi are up to something yet again.

Plot: The Enterprise meets up with a Ferengi ship that has brought a strange gift: the old Federation ship Stargazer. This was Picard’s old ship, one which he lost in a fight with an unknown vessel, but not before destroying his adversary. In this episode, it is revealed that it was the Ferengi which Picard had encountered, and a family member of one of those who died aboard it is carrying a serious grudge. DaiMon Bok has brought with him a “thought maker” to control Picard and enact revenge.

Character Development In this episode, we discover that Jean-Luc Picard is a brilliant tactician, one capable of devising a ship maneuver worthy of carrying his own name. The mighty Picard Maneuver was his key to winning the Battle of Maxia. It involved blasting toward his opponent at warp 9 in order to make it appear as though there were two copies of his ship at once, thanks to the rate at which light travels. This is different than the other, more famous Picard Maneuver, which involves straightening your shirt on an awkwardly frequent basis.

Forehead of the Week: Since this is a Ferengi episode and I’ve already covered them, I’m going to give Picard’s forehead the honour (and what a forehead it is!). In “The Battle,” we learn that headaches are truly rare in the 24th century, but poor Picard has to suffer through one of them this entire episode.

Memorable Quote:“You’re welcome, ladies… heh. Adults.” – Wesley Crusher, ruining Star Trek.

Star Trek Episode: Lonely Among Us

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

On this week’s particularly surreal episode of Star Trek, the Enterprise crew must contend with delegates from rival alien races, as well as a marauding energy force that’s taking over key members of the crew.

Plot: The episode begins with Picard, Riker, and Yar welcoming members of the reptilian Selay race to the Enterprise, but things are off to a rocky start when the Selay demand to be moved to quarters upwind from their furry rivals, the Anticans. Both races are seeking entrance to the Federation, and have agreed to try to overcome their differences by meeting on planet Parliament for some… parliament or something, which is where the Enterprise is supposed to be taking them.

Character Development: This episode begins what will become a key piece of Data’s character, his obsession with Sherlock Holmes. Picard suggests to Data that his investigation into what is causing problems on the Enterprise makes him a “private eye” like Holmes. Logically, the android begins smoking a pipe and throwing out well-worn Sherlock Holmes references wherever possible.

Forehead of the Week: This is a close call between the Selay and Anticans, but I have to give it to the Anticans, simply because the episode ends with Yar complaining that one of the Enterprise’s cooks has been asked to boil some rather Selay-looking reptile. The rivalry between the Selay and Anticans is treated with amusing disregard by the Enterprise crew, who typically consider the murder of delegates aboard their ship as something more serious than comic relief.

Memorable Quote: “It’s elementary, my dear Riker… sir.” – Data, mid-LARPing session.

Star Trek Episode of the Week: Where No One Has Gone Before

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

On this week’s Star Trek Episode, the Enterprise is flung all over the universe by a mysterious new friend of Wesley’s.

Plot: The Enterprise brings aboard propulsion specialist Kosinski and his assistant who claim they can increase the ship’s engine efficiency, but Riker and one of engineering’s revolving team of chiefs are skeptical. It turns out Kosinski is an incompetent fake, but his assistant, “The Traveler” is some kind of space wizard who can fling ships all over the place using the power of positive thinking.

Character Development: During one of the Enterprise’s jaunts, crew member thoughts become reality. In one such instance, Yar’s memory takes her back to the halcyon days of her youth, when she would evade rape gangs with her cat. At this point, it is still unclear whether “rape gangs” is Tasha’s only character trait, although it appears increasingly likely.

Forehead of the Week: This episode introduces us to “The Traveler,” a three-fingered humanoid of Tau Alpha C. In addition to his passion for commandeering ships so that he can warp around the universe using the power of his mind, this man enjoys befriending young persons with engineering talents. He notices such talent in Wesley “Boy Wonder” Crusher, and pushes Picard to encourage the chief of sweater-wearing in this regard. In response, Picard promotes Crusher to acting ensign, ensuring we will be subjected to Wes’ antics for some time to come.

Memorable Quote: “Have the boy sent to the bridge, number one.” – Captain Picard, about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

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