 April 23rd, 2010 by Newbs -
This week’s Star Trek episode features a clumsy allegory for the ongoing conflict between religion and science, and demonstrates a staggering misunderstanding of evolution. It’s one of the best episodes of Voyager season three, and it’s called “Distant Origin.”
Plot: In “Distant Origin,” two members of an alien species known as the Voth try to prove a genetic connection with the humans of Voyager. It quickly becomes evident that this is entirely real, but their theory is controversial in their society. Eventually, the Voth scientists must retract their claims, despite overwhelming evidence and a stirring speech from Chakotay. The iron will of religious fervor triumphs.
Character Development: This episode features precious little, even relative to most Voyager episodes. Chakotay briefly plays wife-swap with some aliens where he reminds us that he is an historian.
Forehead of the Week: This episode prominently features the Voth, a so called “saurian” species of aliens originally evolved from the Hadrosaur dinosaur. Their ancestors left Earth to escape the mass-extinction-causing meteor strike which wiped out the rest of the dinosaurs.
Memorable Quote: “Was it beautiful?” – long lost Earthling Forra Gegen, foolishly deluding himself about the quality of his home planet.
April 16th, 2010 by Newbs -
Voyager season three continues to churn out classics. This week’s episode is “Rise,” in which an alien planet’s not-so-natural disasters work to bring old married couple Neelix and Tuvok closer together.
Plot: “Rise” begins with Voyager attempting to protect an alien planet from a swarm of asteroids with a mysterious origin. Tuvok and Neelix are sent down to the planet along with a contingent of locals to help rescue a scientist who might have some answers. Neelix is wary of the trip, concerned that he’ll be unable to win the affection of his estranged lover, Tuvok.
Thanks to some hard work and good fortune, our heroes are once again able to save the day. It is ultimately discovered that the asteroid shower was part of an invasion tactic by the Etanian, another alien race which engineers natural disasters to drive away enemies and invade their planets.
Character Development: Even aliens want what they can’t have, and that’s certainly true for Neelix. With his romance with Kes dwindling, Neelix has decided to start things up with Tuvok again, hoping to impress him by taking on more productive tasks and standing up to the Vulcan’s harsh sarcasm.
Forehead of the Week: That would be the Nezu, who couldn’t seem to figure out that the asteroids bombarding their planet were artificial without Voyager’s help, even though the fake rocks were easily opened and contained obvious mechanical parts.
Memorable Quote: “I’ve been assigned to Lieutenant Tuvok’s team, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to please him.” – Neelix, expressing concern at his inability to fellate the stern Vulcan satisfactorily.
April 2nd, 2010 by Newbs -
I’ve decided to focus on Voyager episodes for this feature until I’ve eventually covered them all, at which point, I’ll move on to another series. It’s just too convenient a source of humor to even bother with other series right now. This week’s episode is the forgettable season 3 outing “Warlord.”
Plot: In this episode, Kes, the USS Voyager’s least interesting resident, finds her mind taken over by Tieran, an alien who has managed to transfer his consciousness from one being to another as a means of survival while on a centuries long quest to restore himself as ruler of his home planet. Kes battles Tieran within her mind, and is ultimately able to weaken him enough to give the valiant crew of Voyager the opportunity to rescue her.
Character Development: Kes expresses frustration with Neelix that can’t be entirely explained by the insane cabbage-headed alien living inside her brain. The incident is left unresolved, a rarity for Voyager, and the audience is given hope that their insipidly dull relationship may be coming to a close.
Forehead of the Week: That clearly goes to the Ilari, the six-nostrilled cabbage heads whose political drama conveniently occupies the crew of Voyager, passing the time for another week. Aside from physical appearance, they are, strangely enough, exactly like humans.
Memorable Quote: “I love plants, flowers, anything that grows. Some of the times I felt most content were those spent watching the seedlings grow in the airponics… ” – Kes, still being boring as shit, even when her brain is occupied by an evil alien
March 12th, 2010 by Newbs -
Continuing with my selection of Voyager episodes as I happen to catch them on TV, this week’s Star Trek episode is “Resolutions,” from season 2.
Plot: The episode begins with The Doctor reporting to Janeway and Chakotay that he has been unable to find a cure for their mysterious illness. He suspects the Vidiians could help, but contacting them would be too dangerous. Due to some plot convenience, Janeway and Chakotay will be unable to return to the ship, and must instead stay on the planet on which they were originally infected.
From there, “Resolutions” unfolds precisely as anyone familiar with episodic television can immediately guess. Tuvok is put in charge under strict orders not to contact the Vidiians, he follows those orders and the rest of the crew gets unruly because of it, Tuvok eventually contacts the dangerous aliens anyway, they are easily able to help, and order is restored by the end of the episode.
Character Development: In an act of pure fan-wank, Chakotay and Janeway spend a lot of time together getting awfully cozy during their little camping trip. Janeway wants to find a cure and get back to Voyager, Chakotay wants to settle down and start banging.
Forehead of the Week: That would have to be the mysterious alien creature that Chakotay and Janeway befriend when they are marooned. The creature is referred to as a primate, and looks, strangely enough, exactly like one of Earth’s spider monkeys. That such a creature could evolve independently of Earth, and yet be so much like one of Earth’s species, is a true marvel of science.
Memorable Quote: “…I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people.” – Chakotay, doing his best to put the audience to sleep
March 2nd, 2010 by Newbs -
This week’s Star Trek episode is “11:59,” Voyager‘s fifth season tribute to sleep.
Plot: This episode flips between Janeway slowly coming to the sad realization that her ancestor, Shannon O’Donnell, was not an astronaut, did not work on any Mars missions, and was a mere consultant on the Millennium Gate, and the tale of the real Shannon O’Donnell, who was, in fact, just as boring as Janeway discovers her to be.
Character Development: In this episode, we learn that Janeway is a fraud of a scientist and researcher. Despite having lived a cushy Federation life, with unimaginable amounts of information easily available, she has never been bothered to do any serious research into the family history which inspired her career. She also believes that the Great Wall of China was one of the few man-made objects on Earth visible from space prior to the 22nd century, an absolute myth.
Forehead of the Week: Since there are no new real aliens introduced in this episode, I’m going to go with Janeway’s doppelganger ancestor, Shannon O’Donnell. In this episode, the crew of Voyager, along with the viewing audience, is subjected to the dull tale of O’Donnell, a consultant on a building project. Her only noteworthy characteristic is her predatory sexual nature toward geriatrics.
Memorable Quote: There aren’t any.
February 23rd, 2010 by Newbs -
This week’s Star Trek episode is “Fair Haven,” that 6th season Voyager classic in which Janeway bangs a very boring hologram.
Plot: Faced with a neutronic wavefront, the crew of Voyager are forced to bide their time in a dull recreation of a 19th century Irish village named Fair Haven until the storm passes. Instead of allowing her crew to enjoy the endless possibilities of the holodeck, Janeway feels it would be better to keep just the one program running, and force everyone to play along with her sick fetish for Irish holograms.
In this episode, Janeway meets a bartender in Fair Haven, and quickly falls for him. As their relationship develops, Janeway finds numerous small flaws with her new fake man, and modifies him to her liking. In other words, she makes him as dull as possible.
Eventually, the netronic wavefront causes Chakotay to need all the ship’s power to be redirected to the deflector emitters, and much of the Fair Haven program is lost as a result. Janeway’s man is saved, but the captain uses the events as an excuse to stop seeing him so much, and to stop modifying him.
Character Development: In this episode, we see yet more proof of Janeway’s stunning dullness. Instead of creating an 8-dicked-pleasure-monster, she spends all her time with a bartender/poet.
Forehead of the Week: Since there aren’t really any new aliens in this episode, I’m going to have to give it to Voyager’s holodecks. At one point, Janeway has Paris expand the program to use an additional holodeck, and yet there were no obvious limitations when only a single holodeck was used. How do those things work?
Memorable Quote: “Delete the wife.” – Janeway, not treating all holograms equally.
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