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Pro-Con List of the Week: Should I Do Any Work Tonight?

August 24, 2006 Pro-Con List No Comments

Should I do any work tonight?

Pros

  • I won’t feel horribly guilty

Cons

  • could cut into my DS9 time
  • could cut into my stupid internet video time
  • the extra finger exercise may cause slight fatigue
  • fuck it, that’s enough work already, I’m done writing

Pro-Con List of the Week: Janeway’s “Should I Take This Easy Route Back to the Alpha Quadrant?”

August 17, 2006 Pro-Con List No Comments

This week’s pro-con list is Janeway’s “Should I Take This Easy Route Back to the Alpha Quadrant?” Pro-Con list.

Pros

  • stop Tom Paris from spreading space AIDS to all these Delta quadrant alien sluts
  • get back to my boyfriend, though I suspect the writers will forget he exists by the last season
  • replace my conveniently killed doctor
  • ditch these Maquis bastards, last night Chakotay tried drawing some hippie bullshit on my forehead
  • forcefully “study” Seven of Nine in a laboratory
  • I’ll get to be an admiral
  • explaining how I used a tertiary tachyon beam to create an adjunct wormhole in the unimatrix warp nacelle of some Borg nanoprobes to get us home will land me some sweet screen time

Cons

  • somebody might promote Harry Kim
  • I might accidentally disturb some inert gas sitting between the ship and the convenient route home, thus ruining the potential habitat of some yet to exist organism

Pro-Con List of the Week: Kool-Aid Man’s “Should I Promote Kool Aid Today?”

August 10, 2006 Pro-Con List No Comments

This week’s pro-con list is the Kool-Aid Man’s “Should I Promote Kool Aid Today?” Pro-Con list.

Pros

  • breaking through walls is fun
  • not getting fired
  • would help out my profit sharing
  • allows chance to bang the dumb kid’s hot moms
  • I can’t let The King get all the chicks
  • I’ll be able to make my child support payments this week
  • I need roofie money for the hot moms next week

Cons

  • I’m made of probably 90% Kool-Aid, if sugar-crazed, snot-nosed kids drink too much Kool-Aid, I will perish
  • if I say that goddamn catch phrase one more time I will be likely to take out my hatred of mankind on the kids

Pro-Con List of the Week: Should Jurassic Park 4 Be a Zombie Movie?

August 3, 2006 Pro-Con List No Comments

Pros

  • I already know it would be scary because I had a dream about it and it was awesome
  • would be a hell of a lot better than that vile script for JP4 that’s circulated the internet
  • might redeem Jurassic Park 2 and 3 by having all the bad characters attacked by zombie dinosaurs and subsequently becoming zombies themselves
  • zombie dinosaurs? come on, that’s fucking awesome
  • Jurassic Park already has the perfect zombie motif, run down science labs and bunkers are just about the coolest fucking things in the world
  • John Hammond and Ian Malcolm are galactic pimps

Cons

  • there are no cons, this has to happen

Pro-Con List of the Week: Learning How to Ride a Bike

Should I learn how to ride a bike?

Pros

  • extend my impressive list of skills to enhance my attractiveness to the ladies
  • expanded mobility would be convenient
  • could rent movies on a whim
  • could get to the mall in decent time for video game buying

Cons

  • could be seen as a sign of weakness, giving into the collective “man”
  • expanded mobility could cause me to spend more money, thus supporting the corporate machine which forces me to work for a living
  • spending more money means I will have to work more

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