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Magic Card of the Week: Guile

February 28, 2011 Magic No Comments


This week’s Magic Card is the Elemental Incarceration, Guile. Welcome to the show, Guile!

This giant blue jackass rocks his way out of your hand for the standard “big bastard” cost of 6 mana, and you get a 6/6 out of it. Pretty good deal, right? But being a blue jackass, Guile brings a bunch of bullshit with him to the battlefield.

First, he has to be blocked by 3 or more creatures. So if you’re attacking with him, chances are he will either go unblocked or get an opportunity to knock off a couple of your opponent’s creatures.

Second, you’re playing a blue deck, so he’ll help you out with that too. If one of your already-awesome Counterspells counters an incoming spell, Guile will let you play that spell for free yourself. So now your blue deck is dropping terrors, lightning bolts, anything else your enemy is foolish enough to try and cast. Including creatures.

And third, if, by some miracle, someone manages to gang-block or nuke Guile, he just gets shuffled back into your library to return at some other random time to tear up the game all over again. Just a terrible bastard to try to deal with.

Star Trek Episode of the Week: Angel One

February 27, 2011 Star Trek Episode No Comments


On this week’s episode of Star Trek, issues of gender are awkwardly discussed. Much of the action takes place on a planet called “Angel I” (above) which happens to look an awful lot like many other alien planets visited in Star Trek history.

Plot: The Enterprise crew has deduced that a Federation freighter that was lost seven years ago may have had survivors who managed to escape to the planet Angel I. It turns out Angel I is inhabited by an intelligent, female-dominated, species, whose members happen to look exactly like humans, except the dudes tend to be shorter and less hairy. As the episode develops, we learn that the women of Angel I are still vulnerable to sexist writers looking to prove that women just want strong, hairy men like Riker.

Character Development: In “Angel One,” we learn nothing about our favourite characters as they all act exactly as expected. Wesley Crusher is a moron, Captain Picard is married to his job, Worf sneezes loudly, and Riker’s got a way with the ladies.

Forehead of the Week: I’m going to go with the less obvious choice, and award this title to the mystery virus which infects much of the crew in this episode before a last minute treatment is discovered by Dr. Crusher. Its first victim was Wesley Crusher, who seemingly got it from a holodeck ski trip. How that is possible, or why the phenomena was not studied further, I have no idea.

Memorable Quote: “Engage.” – Riker, after a sore-throated Picard was unable to say it. See, it’s a joke.

Question of the Week: Which is the Best Star Wars Movie?

February 25, 2011 Question 2 Comments

Which is the Best Star Wars Movie?

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Image: Star Wars Episode III poster. Copyright Lucasfilm.

No deep questions this week, no invasive questioning, and no bet placing on Newbs’s competitive performances. Just a quick, gut-check answer to a question debated by nerds everywhere.

Give me your answer. Which is the Best Star War Movie?

Shameful Human(s) of the Week: The Government of Vietnam

February 24, 2011 Shameful Human No Comments

Image: Adapted from IMG_1924 by helloandrew under a CC-BY-SA license.

Online gaming. It’s fun, it’s cheap, and only in the rarest of cases has it been a problem for anyone. Time for a crack down just in case.

The government of Vietnam is taking the high levels of interest in online gaming amongst its youngsters seriously, requiring ISPs to block online games from 10pm to 8am every night (which everyone knows is the best time to game), supposedly in an effort to curb addiction.

I suppose the kids of Vietnam (and everyone else) will have to find something else to do during those hours, like form gangs, rape, or pillage. I guess they could try single player as well, although free to play MMOs are what’s big over there.

Most amusingly, the true addicts of gaming will see little effect from this, as they can still play all day. Really, it’s the casual gamers who want to relax after school or work who are hardest hit by this needless and ignorance-driven decision.

Meanwhile, in Australia, the upcoming Mortal Kombat game has been denied a ratings classification, which means the title won’t be available there. This is a persistent problem in the country, as the nation’s ratings board lacks the equivalent of an “R” or “M” rating, which means anything that warrants something higher than a “Teen” rating is simply unable to be sold. So, you know, the Australian government, they’re pretty shameful this week too.

Fun aside: my source includes a bunch of kids huddled around SNESes, which makes me wonder just what kind of online gaming is going on in Vietnam.

Source: Mail Online

Magic Card of the Week: Thrun, the Last Troll

February 21, 2011 Magic No Comments


Nerd Olympics 2011 has come to a close, and the last nerds standing are spending today nursing their wounded pride, easing themselves back into real life with some low-key gaming, and showering off the sweat and tears of competition.

In honor of this legendary event, this week’s Magic Card is Thrun, the Last Troll. Thrun can be found in the Mirrodin Besieged set, which we used for our Sealed Tournament at Nerd Olympics.

Thrun, the Last Troll is a 4/4 green creature, and comes with the typical Troll ability of Regeneration. 2 mana will let you save him from certain death should he be ambushed by someone bigger than he is. This bulky bastard also cannot be the target of hostile abilities or spells including counterspells, making him impressively difficult to single out for destruction.

And really, the icing on the cake with this guy is the cost. He is available for the mega-low price of 4 mana, letting you bring him to the field earlier than most players will be able to deal with, before their own heavy-hitters come online. This guy is truly a fucking menace.

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