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Magic Card of the Week: Muraganda Petroglyphs

January 17, 2010 Magic 1 Comment

Imagine the following scenario: you’re playing the magical cards with one of your jerk friends who thinks he’s so great just because he’s slamming together a bunch of artifacts and blue cards into some kind of whimsical mystical mega-combo. As the game progresses, you find yourself falling further and further behind as he piles up his labia-esque merfolk into a grand army and all you’ve got is a rag-tag bunch of Grizzly Bears. Suddenly, you windmill down a Muraganda Petroglyphs and your fortunes reverse!

Now your previously questionable 2/2s are an unstoppable wrecking crew of 4/4s that can easily tear through his sad little fish people! You, with the help of your friends, the highly honourable Grizzly Bears, ultimately win the game.

Magic Card of the Week: Lightning Bolt, again

January 10, 2010 Magic 1 Comment

Lightning Bolt was Magic Card of the Week once before, but the image to the left has inspired me to cover the card again, this time with greater detail.

Let’s say you’re playing some Magic against a friend who is piloting some kind of pussy deck with Wizards or Merfolk or some shit, and you’re just railing him with firey red ass-kick. You’re raining Fireballs and Goblin Grenades all over his sorry blue bastards, and you’ve knocked him all the way down to three life. Then, suddenly, you’re struck with the problem which all red mages must eventually face: you have no cards in your hand and your only permanents are a stack of Mountains and one Raging Goblin.

His blue vaginas are piling up, soon they will breach your horde of Mountains and come crashing down upon your lonely goblin. You do the only thing you can do, keep drawing and hope to hit the one card that will win you the game: Lightning Bolt. With nary a life point to spare, you draw the fabled card, stand up, wave your arms around, and feel the red mana flow through you as you get way too involved in the game, and deal lethal damage to your friend, the loser.

Magic Card of the Week: Armageddon

August 31, 2009 Magic No Comments

So, you’ve been looking at buying Magic cards, seriously thinking about what is and what is not worth the price. Sometimes, cards cost more than they’re worth, but you’re absolutely furious that you don’t own a playset of them.

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Magic Card of the Week: Meddling Mage

August 24, 2009 Magic No Comments

So, you’re thinking about ordering some Magic cards, but you don’t know what you can and can’t justify. Some cards are unfairly priced at $5+, when even $1 for a piece of cardboard is far too much.

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Magic Card of the Week: Lightning Bolt

August 17, 2009 Magic No Comments

So, you obsessively collect Magic cards, but you’re broke right now, and have to rely on just fantasizing about buying cards. What should you most want from the new Magic 2010 core set?

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