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Magic Card of the Week: Abyssal Persecutor

November 1, 2010 Magic No Comments

This week’s entry into the hallowed halls of the Magic Card of the Week is this total bastard, Abyssal Persecutor.

Worst case, the Persecution begins on the fourth turn, with this massive behemoth dropping its gigantic mass in front of your early game creatures, then proceeding to mercilessly pummel you into oblivion. This mythical asshat can be the key to total battlefield control, an unstoppable force of bat-winged dickery. When your life total is no longer an issue and your morale is in ruins, your opponent further embarass you by destroying his own creature, lifting the curse of your undeath, and delivering a malicious shit-eating grin.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Magic Card of the Week: Distortion Strike

October 18, 2010 Magic 2 Comments

The mind boggles with the number of uses for this card. Whether you’re using it to load up some free damage onto your opponent’s ugly face or slamming him or her with an embarrassing deck or poison kill, Distortion Strike is maddeningly ferocious.

One land gets you a rebounding sorcery giving a creature a free pass on delivering some hate to someone who deserves it. Twice.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Magic Card of the Week: Hymn to Tourach

February 7, 2010 Magic No Comments

This week’s Magic Card is Hymn to Tourach. As far as I can tell, this is about the greatest second-turn card in the history of Magic the Gathering. Beyond that, it represents that most feared and devious of Legacy decks, Mono Black Control.

Hymn to Tourach is an utterly hilarious and a devastating bomb of cataclysmic proportions when you manage to foist it upon your opponent in the early game. It’s especially potent when you start attacking with a third (or even first) turn Hypnotic Specter.

Imagine the following scenario: in just two weeks, you will be participating in the Magic tournament of your life, where the entirety of your honour rests on whether or not you win that tournament. Lose, and you will be forever shamed. Win, and receive a piece of plastic that reminds you of how awesome you are for an entire year. Do you play with your Hymn to Tourach equipped Mono Black Control deck, or do you bring your White-Blue control deck instead?

The Black deck seems a little more powerful, but the White-Blue deck seems a little more consistent. What do you choose? Then again, maybe neither answer is right. Maybe you should surprise everyone with a mono Blue Counter deck, or a White weenie deck. The truth is, the options are endless, and so is the glory to be won.

Magic Card of the Week: Leatherback Baloth

January 31, 2010 Magic No Comments

This week’s Magic card is Leatherback Baloth, another new awesome green creature from the Worldwake expansion set.

Although they fall slightly behind Elephants in the continuum of creature type honourability, my favourite Magic the Gathering tribe is Beasts. They tend to look like crazed dinosaurs that eat forests for breakfast, and when they team up, they have immense crushing power.

Worldwake’s offering of Beasts is pretty minimal, there are just two of them, and one of them is so poor it doesn’t even warrant entry into my Beast collection. The other though, is this mean mother to the left, Leatherback Baloth.

Imagine having this dude out on turn three (or two with mana acceleration) as an effective attacker and blocker in the early game, allowing you to build up to more Beasts, the kind that turn this guy into an indestructible, trampling juggernaut.

Magic Card of the Week: Terastodon

January 24, 2010 Magic No Comments

This week’s Magic card is Terastodon, a new creature from the Worldwake expansion set.

When you think of an honourable creature type in Magic, you will almost certainly think of a green-centric race. The list includes Beast, Bear, Wurm, and Treefolk, but none compare to the awesome honour of the noble Elephant. When I started playing Magic, Elephants were over-costed 3/3s that maybe had trample if you were lucky. We played with them because, goddamn it, they had some class.

Wizards has decided to honour that proud tradition by printing Terastodon, a 9/9 quadruple-tusked, multi-horned, behemoth of an Elephant. Here’s the best part: he costs 8, so when he comes into play, you can destroy three of your own forests to get yourself three 3/3 Elephant tokens, you still have enough lands next turn to play an Overrun and thus actually win with Elephants.

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