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Magic Card of the Week: Vengevine

December 6, 2010 Magic No Comments

This week’s Magic Card of the week is Vengevine, a powerful elemental from the Rise of the Eldrazi set.

Four mana gets you a 4/3 hasted creature. Never mind how rare it is to find a green card with Haste, this one has a mad-on for delivering some hate. Cast two creature spells in a single turn, and you can bring this beat-machine back from the dead for the low low cost of “free,” returning to continue his relentless assault on the puny bitches your pussy opponent is probably using.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Magic Card of the Week: Thornling

November 29, 2010 Magic No Comments

Hailing from the Conflux edition, Thornling is this week’s Magic Card of the Week.

Thorny here is pretty decent in a scrap, and he’s got the toughness to take a solid beating. But he really sets himself apart when you start giving him access to your mana account. Invest a little in this shapeshifter and he quickly becomes the top member of Club Beat-Your-Face.

It can get expensive to power up all his abilities every turn, but if you’ve got big beasts and powerful elementals in your deck, you’re using some land acceleration anyway. Just giving him the one mana lets him be an indestructible wrecking crew this turn. Giving him more lets him trample the crap out of your opponent’s army, and if you’ve got more spare mana kicking around, giving him +1/-1 can’t hurt since he’s already indestructible. A powerful addition to any mono-green stomp deck.

Magic Card of the Week: Echo Mage

November 22, 2010 Magic No Comments

Further confirming my opinion of leveling creatures being WotC-sanctioned cheating, here we have Echo Mage.

This dickhat here has true potential to royally fuck up any game. After being leveled, all you need is the usual control deck double blue to fire any spell for a second time. After a little more leveling, you get to copy the original spell twice. This includes any of your own bitchy blue control spells as well as your opponent’s. And to top it all off, for a wizard, he is pretty damn tough with a toughness of 3-5 and requires serious effort for removal. But then he just copies your removal spells anyway.

That’s right folks, the days of honorable beasts, zombies, and elephants duking it out is forever over,  Magic has fallen into a hate-spiral of trickery. If you meet anyone playing with Echo Mage in their deck, tell them, from me, that they are a penis.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Magic Card of the Week: Strata Scythe

November 15, 2010 Magic No Comments

Now here’s a badass equipment from the new Scars of Mirrodin set. Strata Scythe is an angry piece of weaponry that imbues the dude holding it with the power of your lands. It won me a few games at a recent casual draft I attended.

It’s perfect for those of us (me) who are mono-colour, basic-land playing “noobs,” uninterested in fancy-pants non-basics. You get this thing out a few turns in and throw it on something (anything) with evasion, and you’ve got yourself one lethal scythe-wielder.

Now one mild disappointment is that this thing cares about the names of lands, not the types of lands. That means no tricks with adding additional types to your opponent’s lands and getting your Strata Scythe holding dude even juicier. It’s especially odd considering Wizards’ recent obsession with card types, but I’ll live with it.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Magic Card of the Week: Sword of Vengeance

November 8, 2010 Magic No Comments

A worthy edition to any arsenal, the Sword of Vengeance cuts a bloody swath through any and all that might stand against it.

Wielded by one of your chosen champions this impressive blade will enable you to quickly deal death upon your opponent, making your creature an almost unstoppable force able to defend your valued person and attack your cowering enemies at the same time. If carried by one of your weaker fiends, there is no quicker way to go from zero to hero.

But of course, one of the best attributes of this card is that should the bearer of the Sword be bested in combat after being swarmed under by a horde of masturbating goblins, your other minions will be lining up to raise the sword in their own hands, anxious to continue raining hasted, vigilant, first striking and trampling damage all over the damn place.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

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