shufflingdead.com

This week I had the honour of sitting down with Joanna Dark.

Q: How’s it going?
A: Shitty, nobody bought Perfect Dark Zero, and yesterday I caught Bill Gates jerking off while staring at me through my office window at the Carrington Institute.

Q: What’s up with the framerate in Perfect Dark?
A: My body is slightly out of phase with normal space-time, those were actually jitters in the continuum.

Q: Let’s talk about your personal life. Did you ever get boned by your alien friend Elvis?
A: You know what they say about a guy with a giant bulbous head.

Q: Seriously, is the Laptop Gun awesome or what?
A: I’m not really sure I know how to answer that.

Q: Are you pumped for Wii?
A: One day, Microsoft will sell Rare back to Nintendo for 1/20th what they paid, and on that day I shall pump Wii so hard every wand waggling nerd connected to WiiConnect24 will orgasm simultaneously.

For my first ever Game Character Q&A of the Week I will be joined by Long-job Tetris Block.

Q: Can I call you Long-job?
A: That’s what the ladies call me.

Q: You are probably the key piece in making Tetris such a satisfying game, care to comment?
A: The ladies tell me I’m pretty satisfying too.

Q: Don’t you ever talk about anything besides sex?
A: I penetrate man, that’s what I do.

Q: Alright, fine, let’s talk about sex. How many chicks do you bang in, say, a month?
A: A month? Goddamn, hundreds. It’s easy to rack up points because I always do four at once.

Q: Ever give somebody an STD?
A: Probably, but she would have never found out. I always kill my women after I fuck them.