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Interneter of the Week: Katie Goldman

December 10, 2010 Interneter No Comments

Mother Carrie Goldman has discovered that bullying begins in first grade. (There are people who think otherwise? Hrrrunng. Come talk to me about that one, humanity.) It seems her daughter, Katie Goldman, is a huge Star Wars fan, and she decided to express this by picking up Star Wars themed paraphernalia. Specifically, a Star Wars backpack and water bottle to take to school.

After a few months of enjoying these items and using them daily, Katie tried to convince her mother that she wanted to switch to a pink water bottle. After pursuing the matter with the girl, Carrie Goldman discovered that her daughter was being teased by the boys at school. Katie’s classmates attacked her verbally for using a Star Wars water bottle, because, you see, Star Wars is for boys.

At one point in telling this story online, Carrie exclaimed: “Is this how it starts? Do kids find someone who does something differently and start to beat it out of her, first with words and sneers? Must my daughter conform to be accepted?” The answer to all of these questions is, of course, yes. Children, much like adults, are terrible people. Generally, their minds are occupied by hate, ignorance, and fear. The boys who teased Katie have already internalized the unwritten rules of the gender normativity.

Carrie expressed her frustrations online and has garnered much attention. She requested the ladies of the internet add comments expressing their appreciation of Star Wars in support of Katie, and thousands of comments have been received thus far. As the movement has grown, some 30,000 have confirmed on Facebook that they will wear Star Wars clothing on December 10th as a show of support, and the Goldman family has asked participants to donate Star Wars toys to charities this Christmas.

To Katie Goldman, our Interneter of the Week, Shufflingdead salutes you for your ongoing commitment to Star Wars, a fine piece of intellectual property for both ladies and gentlemen to enjoy.

Sources: Chicago Now, CNN
Image: Star Wars The Clone Wars. Copyright Lucasfilm.

Interneter of the Week: InsaneGuyofDOOM a.k.a. The Red Shirt Guy

October 30, 2010 Interneter 3 Comments

This week’s Interneter is InsaneGuyofDOOM, the infamous Red Shirt Guy who stood up at Blizzcon 2010’s “Quests and Lore” Q&A to ask a very important question. It would seem there was a discrepancy between a WoW novel and the game regarding the character of Falstad Wildhammer, and Mr. Red Shirt wanted to know what was up with that.

Now, Blizzard has rewarded this proud Interneter for his bravery and attention to detail with his own NPC, Wildhammer Fact Checker, along with correcting the issue raised. Well, maybe. Obsessed fact checkers are claiming the screenshot to the right is fake as well.

InsaneGuyofDOOM has also taken the time to explain his somewhat strange voice during the conference. Red Shirt has confessed to having the internet’s favourite malady, Asperger’s syndrome. His nervousness combined with this led him to take on the well-known monotone-complaining-nerd voice.

Red Shirt Guy, for your grace under pressure, your depth of World of Warcraft knowledge, and your humble reaction to internet stardom, Shufflingdead salutes you.

Image: Imgur. Blizzard Entertainment.

Interneter of the Week: One desperate GameFAQer

May 1, 2010 Interneter 1 Comment

This week’s Internter is MourningStar72, one desperate GameFAQer. Mr. 72 hopped aboard the GameFAQs.com SimAnt message board to ask an embarrassing question that most people would have probably tried to figure out on their own.

On April 9, 2010, MourningStar72 pled to the seemingly empty board “If anyone is here please help,” and followed it up by admitting a rather shameful secret “I don’t know how to mate.”

Well kid, I’ve got a little experience in this field and I think I can help. The truth is, the yellow ant can’t mate with the queen. To get more ants, you’ll need to move around some of the unhatched ants and make sure they’re not all sitting on top of each other. You can also adjust the behaviour of your ants to nurse, and they’ll take care of it for you. Ramp up the number of Breeder ants your queen produces if you find she’s not laying enough eggs.

Hope this helps.


Interneter of the Week: MissHannahMinx

April 17, 2010 Interneter 7 Comments

This week’s Interneter is MissHannahMinx, a YouTube celebrity on the rise. She’s only been producing videos for about a year, but already has over 80 000 subscribers. Her biggest video has over a million views.

In her Cats n’ Racks video, Minxy famously and profoundly stated “Cats, neko… very powerful on the internet. Racks… also very powerful.” Her frank recognition of what works on the internet is clearly represented in Minxy’s output. Her videos consistently include the wearing of cat-ear headbands and her own gargantuan breasts, along with other internet tent-poles like giant eyes, slightly, I don’t know, “alt” makeup, fetishization of Japanese culture, and the speaking of Japanese in a ridiculously cutesy fashion.

Much of the amusement I get from MHM’s videos comes from the comments she receives. The unbridled passion which YouTube commenters speak with is concentrated sexual obsession when it comes to Minxy’s viewers. A quick read through the comments on one of her latest videos includes such illuminating insights as:


“For fucks sake…Your tits are so massive that they will eventually collapse into themselves like Neutron Stars.” – billyboyjennings

“wow wee she is got some babylons!!!!!!” – miscreantV0n

“titss very goud” – lkykrc

“lets take turns jerking off on her face” – dx7im

“I would be glad to give you a fuck !” – billonis

Stay classy, internet.

MissHannahMinx, Shufflingdead salutes you for exploiting the general stupidity of the internet’s population.

Image: Hannah Minx Facebook page.

Interneter of the Week: Roger Ebert

April 10, 2010 Interneter 1 Comment

This week’s Interneter is the radically prolific movie reviewer Roger Ebert. You may think of Ebert as a TV personality, but in recent years he has become a juggernaut of internet usage. Sure, Ebert insists that video games are not art, but I have to appreciate what this man does online.

He’s lost his jaw to cancer, his nourishment comes through a tube, and he has surely been wealthy enough to retire for many years, yet the man cranks out copy like no one else. This includes continuously adding to his site, which already boasts over 10 000 movie reviews. He also finds the time to frequently spar with commenters on his blog, and he Tweets with an unheard-of culmination of quality and quantity.

The sheer volume of text the man produces is insurmountable and awe-inspiring. The fact that he is also a writer of true quality is astonishing, and fairly embarrassing to dedicated web-writers like myself.

Roger Ebert, Shufflingdead salutes you for making us look bad.

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