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Future of the Week: Geometry Wars Galaxies

August 26, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week greets us from the glorious realm of Geometry Wars: Galaxies for Nintendo Wii. Galaxies is a profound homage to the classic gameplay of Smash TV, and to the aesthetic of the ancient arcade.

Premise: Unfortunately, Geometry Wars: Galaxies has no story, so I’m really going to have to guess on a lot of this. You’re a dude in a little triangle ship, and you’ve got a fairly handy automated drone that assists you and gets better with practice. Together, you blast the horde of evil swarming all around you. I’m assuming this game takes place in the future, because it takes place in space, and the only kind of space game that could be set in the present day would have to be along the lines of an ISS docking sim.

Utopia or Dystopia: If moving my body were as intuitive as the controls for this game, I would give life 5 skulls out of 5. This is a utopia.

Prescience: Again, the game has no story, and so I have no idea when it is set. Judging by the poor tactics of the enemies you’re fighting, presumably alien or alien made, this game can’t possibly be a strong predictor of the future, as the aliens will surely crush us.

Future of the Week: R-Type III

August 19, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week comes from one of the Super Nintendo’s great shmups, R-Type III: The Third Lightning. This game is a classic example of the shmup genre, you are in command of a small ship navigating large levels swarming with enemies, and it is exceedingly difficult.

Premise: This game presumably takes place in the 22nd century, as that is the time period of it’s predecessor, R-Type. The so-called “evil Bydo Empire” apparently needs to be struck, and in your ship, you must blast off to do so.

Utopia or Dystopia: This is difficult to say, because playing the game in its original SNES form would have meant continuous death, memorization, and restarting. However, playing this game on Wii Virtual Console meant I could play it, make a little progress, exit the game, and have my progress saved. Ultimately, even that was wildly difficult, and so I’m going to have to say that such hardships render this future a dystopia.

Prescience: Humanity could always create horrible biological weapons in the 26th century and have those creations escaping to 400 years in the past where they try to destroy their own creators, but it just doesn’t seem very plausible.

Future of the Week: Extreme-G III

August 12, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week comes from a little Gamecube game that I really enjoyed, called Extreme-G III. This game wraps up our trilogy of super-fast-futuristic-racing games, which also included WipeOut 64 and F-Zero GX.

Premise: In the 23rd century, people race in motor cycles easily capable of breaking the sound barrier, and fire weapons at one another while doing so. Sometimes, these weapons will require you to hold down the B button for a really long time, and if you play with me, you will probably break the B button of my controller.

Utopia or Dystopia: The back of the case for this game states that it includes “12 international racers, including the smokin’ hot all-female team.” Well, I’m sold. We all know that in the future, women will not only be the equals of men, but also manage to get there while hindered by incredibly tight leather clothing. This is a utopia.

Prescience: You know, I just don’t think we’re going to be suspending concrete roads upside down in order to create massive vertical loops any time soon.

Future of the Week: F-Zero GX

August 5, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: The Future of the Week comes to us from the Gamecube hyper-classic, F-Zero GX. Like last week’s WipeOut 64, this game is of the super-fast-futuristic-racing genre.

Premise: In the 26th century, various terrifying racers will compete in a league full of danger for the sake of entertaining wealthy space merchants. Racers will pilot F-Zero machines, which are capable of moving across the ground without contact thanks to “G-Diffuser” anti-gravity technology.

Utopia or Dystopia: Danger is a constant in F-Zero; when they aren’t racing, some competitors are known to be bounty hunters, and all act ferociously and without mercy. Additionally, competitors must train constantly in order to succeed by repeatedly attempting the same races, often dying in the process, only to be reborn and forced to try again. F-Zero GX is a dystopia.

Prescience: The obnoxious television programming represented in the game, in which interviewers ask sports personalities the most unoriginal and bland things possible, is already here.

Future of the Week: WipeOut 64

July 29, 2009 Future No Comments

Source: This Future of the Week comes from the N64 game WipeOut 64, of the super-fast-futuristic-racing genre.

Premise: In the year 2098, racing will have evolved beyond its current appeal to rednecks, and will instead be catered towards lovers of techno and ultra-violence. In 2098, anti-gravity will be a readily available technology, as will weapons that exist only as 2-dimensional lights before being picked up.

Utopia or Dystopia: The aesthetics of the future presented in this game are enough for me to call it a utopia. I am truly excited for the coming of metallic, hard angled architecture combined with rockin’ techno and random glowing lights.

Prescience: Considering the current existence of racing in our society as utterly unappealing for spectators, I have my doubts as to the accuracy of this game. Additionally, I noted only small crowds in the game for the races, something I wish the current sport of racing suffered from.

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