Image: Wizards of the Coast.

Welcome, one and all, to ShufflingDead’s Magic Card of the Week! This week’s card is Burning Vengeance.

Burning Vengeance is a red enchantment from the Innistrad set that really plays into the Flashback or Unearth abilities.

With Burning Vengeance in play, anytime you cast a spell from your graveyard, it will deal an additional two damage to target creature or player.

This will give you that extra edge and card advantage as your cards are coming back for a second bout of usefulness, while this recurring two damage from Burning Vengeance might be ending the life of one of your opponent’s creatures.

Also useful for burning your opponent’s face for some direct damage.

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

We’re back again with another Magic Card of the Week! This week’s selection is Rooftop Storm.

Six mana puts this enchantment into play for you, but after that the doors are pretty much wide open. Unleash the hordes of zombies you’ve got stashed in your hand for the low low cost of free.

I like this card because it can really change the mechanics of most zombie decks as I’ve know them. The enchantment being blue means you have to find some way of creating blue mana in an otherwise likely all-black deck. This creates a lot of opportunity to expand the blue-black control side of the game by combining it with a creature-type theme.

It could be just the excuse you’re looking for to go for broke on the blue control until your zombie horde hits the deck, or it could be the keystone of a card-drawing Zombie deck.

Tons of possibilities for this one. Enjoy!

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

Coming to you straight from the not-biased-at-all opinions of ShufflingDead.com is another Magic Card of the Week! This week’s MCotW is Essence of the Wild from the Innistrad set.

So you’re heavily engaged in a duel with another player, trading little spells back and forth at each other all game but not really getting very far. Finally you have six mana. Shit’s about to go down.

Throw down the Essence of the Wild and watch him throw down. He’s a powerhouse 6/6 for 6, but that’s not all. Each creature that you play after him becomes a copy of Essence of the Wild, making those also 6/6s, but for whatever cost the card originally had to bring it into play. Play a Treetop Scout, a normal 1/1 for 1 mana. It becomes a 6/6…for 1 mana.

And don’t worry if your opponent nukes your first one. Each creature is a COPY, meaning that the ability is still active! So as long as you keep one Essence of the Wild out, you can pretty much just take a quick stomp down easy street to victory.

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

Welcome back to ShufflingDead’s Magic Card of the Week!

This week, it’s overkill time. Our pick for this week is Blasphemous Act.

Sometimes, Magic can be all about momentum. A critical part of the game is controlling the flow of the spellcasting, and it can be tough to turn the game around if you’re the one stuck responding. Well, respond with this.

Blasphemous Act’s mana cost is fairly prohibitive, but it’s got that handy ability that lowers the cast cost the more creatures that are in play, and if you need it, chances are it’s because your opponent has a load of creatures.

Drop this thing from your hand to nuke the entire battlefield, essentially resetting the board and giving yourself a chance to get your act together again.

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

This week’s Magic Card of the Week is everyone’s favorite nightmare scenario, the Evil Twin.

Hailing from the newly released Innistrad set, this blue-black Shapeshifter will fit right into any army.

Put him into play for four mana as a copy of any creature on the battlefield, but with the activated ability to assassinate the original.

Summon Evil Twin, nail your opponent’s creature and you’re left with some decent battlefield advantage. Pretty goddamn powerful.

Evil Twin can alternatively be used on one of your own creatures to further boost your battlefield presence and advance your goals of wizardly pwnage.

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

The New Phyrexia set gave life to possibly the most Lightning Bolt-frustrating card I’ve ever seen. For that, Spellskite has come forth as this week’s Magic Card of the Week.

Dropping two colorless mana lets you pull Spellskite onto the battlefield, and with it’s variable activated ability cost it could fit nicely into any deck.

If you like your life total where it is, keep this guy in a blue deck.

A natural 0/4, this Artifact Creature can cause any spell to target itself for the low cost of just one blue mana (or two life in a pinch).

He’s tough enough to handle the light removal spells so he can selectively draw in spells multiple times. You can even use this creature to deny any buffs your opponent wants to put on his own creatures, simply redirect them to Spellskite.

A versatile tool for any control deck.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIO.

Plot: Riker, Data, and Yar head down to a soundstage in the process of investigating the mysterious disappearance of a starship. Riker soon finds the captain, or supposed captain, of this vessel, whose name I think is Pockmarked Ugly Face. Ugly Face turns out to be a projection created by a weapons system which was once being sold by the inhabitants of the soundstage. Picard and Crusher join the away team only to be trapped in a cave together, where their characters are conveniently given something to do.

Character Development: In this episode, the three highest ranking officers of the Enterprise beam down to planet Minos and are subsequently stranded, leaving Geordi La Forge in charge. Geordi is given an opportunity to be confident and prove the worth of his ongoing existence.

Also, Picard and Dr. Crusher are shoved into a cave together to chat it up, thus teasing the audience with the potential for romance that will fail to materialize.

Forehead of the Week: This honour has to go to the great Minosians, who invented an automated weapon system so powerful it destroyed them as its sales pitch. I think all the Darwin Awards were given to them after that, forever.

Memorable Quote: “At your service, captain.” – Data, upon leaping nearly 12 meters and landing his hulking mechanical body dangerously close to an already wounded Dr. Crusher

Image: Wizards of the Coast.

Ever found yourself thinking: “Wow, this would be so much easier with more creatures?” Well, wish no more! This week’s Magic Card of the Week is Conqueror’s Pledge!

Toss this in your soldier deck to virtually end the game with one card.

If your deck is working even half decently, the 6 1/1s that come into play for the affordable cost of 5 mana should be at least 3/3s, if not better.

This card might as well be an Overrun for all the rage it delivers into your opponent’s face.

The kicker cost on this card is, unfortunately, prohibitively expensive. If the game is really drawn out, this will end it. For the most part, if you get to 11 mana, you should have already won the game.

Throw these things into your soldier deck and drop the hammer on your poor bastard of an opponent.

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Welcome one and all to ShufflingDead’s Magic Card of the Week! This week’s card of power is Leyline of Anticipation, from the M11 core set.

Leyline of Anticipation allows you to play all your cards as though they had the Flash ability. For those unfamiliar with that one, a spell with Flash is able to be played at any time you could play an instant, regardless of it’s other spell types.

With this enchantment out you can freely rain creatures, artifacts, sorceries, and whatever else you like down on your opponent’s unsuspecting forces. Being able to surprise your enemies can pay off in a big way.

Also worth noting is the card’s first ability. Drawing this card in your opening hand lets you drop it for free at the start of the game.

Booya.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIO

On this week’s episode of Star Trek, we are treated to a reasonably well written story with actual character development.

Plot: The Enterprise is called to the aid of a starship adrift in the neutral zone. Life signs are detected on board, and so a small away team is sent over to investigate. Geordi is given the chance to test out a “visual acuity transmitter” for his VISOR, which allows the bridge to see what Geordi sees. It turns out Geordi’s life is a non-stop acid trip in which light and shapes constantly flicker around him in a disorienting fashion. Oh yeah, and some Klingons are rescued. They come on board and mess with Worf’s head.

Character Development: In this episode, we learn that Worf is an actual character with an actual back story. He was rescued by a Starfleet officer and grew up as the adopted child of humans.

Forehead of the Week: There is no doubt that this honour should go to the mighy Klingons themselves. In this episode, we learn of their shouting-session as death ritual. We also get a chance to gain insight into the political discomfort some citizens of the Empire have with peace with the Federation.

Memorable Quote: “It is only a empty shell now, please treat it as such.” – A Klingon logically describing a dead body.

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Welcome one and all to ShufflingDead’s Magic Card of the Week! This week we are featuring the Mirrodin artifact, Mindslaver.

The ultimate in control. There is no better way to perfectly sabotage an opponent than to know and control his every move.

Though a card like Mindslaver might seem expensive, keep in mind the pace of the game. If you have a deck with mana acceleration and you are at 6 mana early, great. If not, by the 6 mana time of the game, things are probably starting to get decisive.

That is the perfect time to unleash Mindslaver and take control of one of your opponents’ extremely critical turns.

Make him attack with his puny supporting creatures he’s been protecting all game. Cast his damage spells on his own army. Throw everything in your enemy’s arsenal in his face, embarrass him. You know you want to.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

In this week’s episode, absolutely nothing happens of any consequence.

Plot: Two Starfleet personnel have come for a visit. They want to interrogate the entire crew of the Enterprise and probe for any flaws in Picard’s command. Remarkably, this leads to many references to previous episodes, but never degenerates into a clip show.

Meanwhile, Wesley Crusher takes the Starfleet Academy entrance exam on Relva VII. The entrance exams appear to have been stiffened up since the likes of Reg Barclay graduated. Wes must beat out three other obnoxious wunderkinds to even get in.

Character Development: In this episode, we learn that Wes is too nice for Starfleet. The examiners know he helped another student, but they reward the cheater, instead of the helpful acting ensign.

Forehead of the Week: That great honour goes to the Benzite. These fishy creatures need mysterious vapours pumped onto their faces through Neil Young’s harmonica at all times to survive.

Memorable Quote: “I failed the first time.” – Picard, revealing the entrance exam is meaningless.

The humble goomba.

In the course of battling through innumerable levels and jumping over all kinds of stuff, Mario and Luigi were plagued by all kinds of bad guy flunkies. Goombas, Koopa Troopas, you name it, they had to deal with them before breakfast. But which of them was the most awesome?

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Welcome back to ShufflingDead’s Magic Card of the Week, where this week we will be honoring goblin miscreant, Tuktuk the Explorer.

Tuktuk costs three mana to bring into play exploring for your side.

It’s also worth mentioning that he possesses the Haste ability, allowing a quick surprise attack should your opponent tap out his forces. Unfortunately, this surprise attack will only put you on the board for 1 damage.

While not being much to look at himself, Tuktuk Explorer comes equipped with another ability. When he is put into the graveyard from play, you get yourself a shiny new 5/5 artifact creature token.

Pretty neat, huh?

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

In this Star Trek episode of the week, we explore the meaning of life.

Plot: The Enterprise checks in on a terraforming colony operated by a handful of the shifty and shady. After a murder takes place on the colony by a rogue drilling laser, Data has to act fast to take the contraption down (see above). It turns out the machinery has been hijacked by a previously undetected crystalline life form.

Character Development: In this episode, Counselor Troi informs us that Director Kurt Mandl of the terraformers is nervous after he blatantly appears standoffish and, well, nervous. This is important to remember for later episodes when it becomes clear that the only interesting characteristic of Troi is her mother.

Forehead of the Week: That title goes to the unnamed crystal organism living on the supposedly dead world of Velara III. Some of the crystal is brought back to the Enterprise where it begins to reproduce. This chunk of material becomes known, insultingly, as the microbrain.

Memorable Quote: “Ugly giant bags of mostly water.” – The crystal life form in its astute assessment of the human interlopers.

Image: Nintendo.

Throughout the many Legends of Zelda, Link makes use of a rather large variety of weapons. Indeed, the little elfin guy manages to carry an inordinate amount of crap around with him at all times, while lacking even a backpack. Those tunics must have a ton of pockets or something.

Anyway, all of you, tell me what your favorite of Link’s items are. Please leave a comment if I haven’t listed yours in the poll!

Image: LiveLeak.com

This week’s interneter is the 15-year-old juggernaut, Casey Heynes. Casey’s story, really a heroes journey condensed into a brief video clip, has taken the internet like a body slam into pavement.

Casey’s problems in life echo those many of us interneters have faced. He was bullied since childhood, and things kept going in high school. Casey reports having names like “fatty” being tossed at him along with random acts of violence.

It’s Casey’s solution to those issues that make him stand out. One day, Casey had had enough. A smaller boy, Ritchard Gale, was punching and poking at Casey repeatedly when Casey finally decided to use his size to his advantage. The legend heaved Ritchard up, and upside down, then slammed him forcefully onto the hard walkway.

Since the incident, Casey has received an outpouring of positive attention from the internet and local media, but he’s been left alone at school.

Casey Heynes, ShufflingDead salutes you on behalf of the internet and all of nerdom, for you have precisely expressed our frustrated desires.

He piled upon the whale’s white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart’s shell upon it.

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This week’s MCotW is Dragonmaster Outcast, from the Worldwake set.

This shaman may not look like much, being a 1/1 creature for 1 red mana, but he has potential to be a serious problem for your opponents.

During each of your upkeeps, if you have six lands, Dragonmaster Outcast will gift you a 5/5 flying dragon for free, just for letting him hang out.

Nice guy.

My first thought when I saw this little bastard was “wow, this needs to be in my dragon deck,” but really, there are so places where he can be applied.

He only costs one red and his ability is triggered by lands, not just mountains so there is no need to restrict him to a mono-red deck.

Toss him into any deck where you’ve splashed red, and you’ll definitely see some results, dragon-beatdown-style.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

On this week’s Star Trek episode, Wesley Crusher is asked by a group of aliens to repopulate their species.

Plot: The Enterprise stumbles upon the rumoured planet of Aldea, only to find its residents are not as awesome as legend would have them believe. The Aldeans have lost the ability to reproduce, and they kidnap children from the Enterprise with the hopes of kick-starting a new generation for their planet.

Character Development: In “When the Bough Brakes,” we learn that Harry Bernard, son of Starfleet lieutenant Harry Bernard, Sr., is not a fan of calculus.

Forehead of the Week: The Aldeans of Aldea have incredible lives. Their computers do everything for them, they are hidden from the rest of the galaxy, they get to spend their time doing whatever they want, and they have absolutely no children to bother them. Aldeans have the greatest culture in Star Trek history.

Memorable Quote: “Things are only impossible until they’re not.” – Picard, being profound.

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Recently appearing in the Mirrodin: Besieged set, Go For The Throat is our Magic Card of the Week.

In this new expansion, it is no surprise that one of the most terrifying cards in your arsenal is an improvement on Terror itself.

Go For The Throat shows itself an expert in quick creature removal, doing away with the old “non-black, non-artifact” qualification to its targets, and simply making it “non-artifact.”

Two mana is all it takes to put one of these in the chamber, and then it’s just point and cast from there.

You can never have quite enough easy creature kills. Having cards like these around keeps your opponent off balance, never quite knowing when their carefully laid battle plans could come apart in a split second.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

This is the second episode of Star Trek in a row to offer an intriguing plot. A first for TNG.

Plot: Admiral Mark Jameson has been tapped to deal with a hostage situation on Mordan IV. He dealt with the governor there, Karnas, during a similar hostage situation 45 years ago. It turns out Jameson had gotten up to some Iran–Contra style arms-for-hostages shenanigans the last time around, and Karnas wants revenge.

Character Development: In this episode, we learn that 24th century sensibilities have trained the crew of the Enterprise to refrain from commenting on the molten-like state of Jameson’s skin. Only as he de-ages and begins to look human again does anyone complain.

Forehead of the Week: “Too Short a Season” largely revolves around the political problems of a species known as the Mordanite. They look, dress, and act exactly like humans.

Memorable Quote: “I’m fit! I’m fitter than you are Picard and I’m getting younger!” – Mark Jameson, raising hope that he and Picard may awkwardly grapple.

Image: Nintendo.

Hey folks, Newbs here. Weskimo is out for the count this week, which means his duties as Question of the Week supplier are open to be commandeered.

The all new Pokémon Black and White hit stores this week, which has got me thinking about those rascally little pocket monsters. One of the big draws of the new games is that you will not see or catch any of the Pokémon from previous generations, except (spoilers) maybe later.

I still have a strong attachment to the ‘mons of old, however, and would like to celebrate their radical greatness with this week’s poll. Tell me, who is the raddest Pokémon?

I recognize there a few more contenders than those listed, so feel free to register your favourite in the comments below if you do not agree with my nominations.

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This week’s Magic Card is none other than the dragon-badass Ancient Hellkite.

Despite the high mana cost that this giant bastard demands before he’ll rouse himself to your cause, he can be a tremendous asset on the battlefield. Seven mana is not often an easy cost to choke down, but it will likely be an investment in victory in Ancient Hellkite’s case.

This 6/6 flying fire-breather doesn’t have the typical dragon ability of just adding to his power for a mana cost, ineffectually overkilling the balloon brigades of goblins assigned to block them.

No, he uses the mana and just starts nuking defending creatures before they’ve even been assigned to block.

Use this ability to have Ancient Hellkite burn holes in your opponent’s defenses so that he or more of your vassals can get through to tear up your enemy’s face.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

On this week’s episode, we get an inside look at a mad pimp’s holiday. As a bonus, this episode marks the first signs that TNG might be a decent series.

Plot: The Enterprise is in for some maintenance and upgrades. Most of the crew leaves to play made up games that require diving suits, but Riker decides to stay on board to watch over the aliens working on the ship’s computers. Leaving Wes Crusher to do the actual supervising, the Commander ends up on the holodeck, stretching his jazz skills. It’s here that he becomes entranced by holodeck character Minuet.

Character Development: This Riker-heavy episode reveals that the man isn’t even into womanizing for the sex, he just loves the thrill of flirting. He does this by grinning devilishly and speaking in calm, confident tones. Fascinating.

Forehead of the Week: The purple-headed Bynars take this supreme honour. They are a species interconnected with a main computer that keeps them organized in pairs. They hijack the Enterprise to back up their computer when it is in danger to keep their species going. Apparently, the Enterprise’s computer is the only one the galaxy awesome enough to do this.

Memorable Quote: “If winning is not important, then Commander, why keep score?” – Worf, unleashing some profundity on Riker.

Image: Ochenbara: Bikini Samurai Squad box art.

Those of you who frequent our forum discussions might be familiar with our lists of ‘Never-Beaten Games’. Well, mine has been increasing recently, virtually unchecked, as I’m currently rounding out my third playthrough of Mass Effect 2 (by the way, totally deserving of Game of the Year, Newbs). Yes, I’m a filthy addict.

Anyway, I’ve decided I need to and tackle a couple of these games and knock them off the list. But the unbeaten bastards have multiplied and I can’t decide. I’ve narrowed it down to four, however, so you guys get to decide what I’ll be wasting my time on for the next little while.

1. Ochenbara: Bikini Samurai Squad. Ya, two Japanese sisters ripping apart Zombies with swords. This game can only be awful.
2. Prince of Persia. I’ve heard good things. This is the one where you have that magic chick helping you out in combat all the time or whatever.
3. The Last Remnant. This will be my third attempt to destroy this game. It is a level-grinding  nightmare, but the strategy is kind of interesting for a while.
4. MTV’s Pimp My Ride. I can ‘Roll with Xzibit’ according to the back of this game… that’s something to look forward to.

So what’s the deal, ShufflingDead readers? Which game should I play next?

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This week’s Magic Card is the Elemental Incarceration, Guile. Welcome to the show, Guile!

This giant blue jackass rocks his way out of your hand for the standard “big bastard” cost of 6 mana, and you get a 6/6 out of it. Pretty good deal, right? But being a blue jackass, Guile brings a bunch of bullshit with him to the battlefield.

First, he has to be blocked by 3 or more creatures. So if you’re attacking with him, chances are he will either go unblocked or get an opportunity to knock off a couple of your opponent’s creatures.

Second, you’re playing a blue deck, so he’ll help you out with that too. If one of your already-awesome Counterspells counters an incoming spell, Guile will let you play that spell for free yourself. So now your blue deck is dropping terrors, lightning bolts, anything else your enemy is foolish enough to try and cast. Including creatures.

And third, if, by some miracle, someone manages to gang-block or nuke Guile, he just gets shuffled back into your library to return at some other random time to tear up the game all over again. Just a terrible bastard to try to deal with.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

On this week’s episode of Star Trek, issues of gender are awkwardly discussed. Much of the action takes place on a planet called “Angel I” (above) which happens to look an awful lot like many other alien planets visited in Star Trek history.

Plot: The Enterprise crew has deduced that a Federation freighter that was lost seven years ago may have had survivors who managed to escape to the planet Angel I. It turns out Angel I is inhabited by an intelligent, female-dominated, species, whose members happen to look exactly like humans, except the dudes tend to be shorter and less hairy. As the episode develops, we learn that the women of Angel I are still vulnerable to sexist writers looking to prove that women just want strong, hairy men like Riker.

Character Development: In “Angel One,” we learn nothing about our favourite characters as they all act exactly as expected. Wesley Crusher is a moron, Captain Picard is married to his job, Worf sneezes loudly, and Riker’s got a way with the ladies.

Forehead of the Week: I’m going to go with the less obvious choice, and award this title to the mystery virus which infects much of the crew in this episode before a last minute treatment is discovered by Dr. Crusher. Its first victim was Wesley Crusher, who seemingly got it from a holodeck ski trip. How that is possible, or why the phenomena was not studied further, I have no idea.

Memorable Quote: “Engage.” – Riker, after a sore-throated Picard was unable to say it. See, it’s a joke.

Image: Star Wars Episode III poster. Copyright Lucasfilm.

No deep questions this week, no invasive questioning, and no bet placing on Newbs’s competitive performances. Just a quick, gut-check answer to a question debated by nerds everywhere.

Give me your answer. Which is the Best Star War Movie?

Image: Adapted from IMG_1924 by helloandrew under a CC-BY-SA license.

Online gaming. It’s fun, it’s cheap, and only in the rarest of cases has it been a problem for anyone. Time for a crack down just in case.

The government of Vietnam is taking the high levels of interest in online gaming amongst its youngsters seriously, requiring ISPs to block online games from 10pm to 8am every night (which everyone knows is the best time to game), supposedly in an effort to curb addiction.

I suppose the kids of Vietnam (and everyone else) will have to find something else to do during those hours, like form gangs, rape, or pillage. I guess they could try single player as well, although free to play MMOs are what’s big over there.

Most amusingly, the true addicts of gaming will see little effect from this, as they can still play all day. Really, it’s the casual gamers who want to relax after school or work who are hardest hit by this needless and ignorance-driven decision.

Meanwhile, in Australia, the upcoming Mortal Kombat game has been denied a ratings classification, which means the title won’t be available there. This is a persistent problem in the country, as the nation’s ratings board lacks the equivalent of an “R” or “M” rating, which means anything that warrants something higher than a “Teen” rating is simply unable to be sold. So, you know, the Australian government, they’re pretty shameful this week too.

Fun aside: my source includes a bunch of kids huddled around SNESes, which makes me wonder just what kind of online gaming is going on in Vietnam.

Source: Mail Online

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Nerd Olympics 2011 has come to a close, and the last nerds standing are spending today nursing their wounded pride, easing themselves back into real life with some low-key gaming, and showering off the sweat and tears of competition.

In honor of this legendary event, this week’s Magic Card is Thrun, the Last Troll. Thrun can be found in the Mirrodin Besieged set, which we used for our Sealed Tournament at Nerd Olympics.

Thrun, the Last Troll is a 4/4 green creature, and comes with the typical Troll ability of Regeneration. 2 mana will let you save him from certain death should he be ambushed by someone bigger than he is. This bulky bastard also cannot be the target of hostile abilities or spells including counterspells, making him impressively difficult to single out for destruction.

And really, the icing on the cake with this guy is the cost. He is available for the mega-low price of 4 mana, letting you bring him to the field earlier than most players will be able to deal with, before their own heavy-hitters come online. This guy is truly a fucking menace.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

On this week’s episode of Star Trek, Data discovers he has a brother. As it should happen, he’s a total dick.

Plot: Picard decides he’d like to check out Data’s mysterious home planet, Omicron Theta. It contained a human colony that was entirely wiped out except for Data, or so everyone thought. The power of Geordi’s visor leads the crew to discover a secret lab hidden on the planet which contains another Soong-type android. His name’s Lore, and man is he evil! Once reassembled, he tries to hand the Enterprise crew over to the life-sucking Crystalline Entity which is what actually destroyed Omicron Theta.

Character Development: In this episode, the Enterprise crew acts as though they’ve never asked Data about his origins or studied the history of his home planet. This conveniently allows them to ask Data about these subjects, enabling the audience to be informed along the way. It turns out the colonists who died around Data transferred their memories to him. Suddenly, Data starts remembering things. Most of the memories must have been pretty meaningless though, as he stops remembering as soon as the episode ends.

Forehead of the Week: The Crystalline Entity which Lore is so fond of is a wonderfully complex evil space crystal that eats life. It can travel at warp speeds and apparently has the ability to reward androids for doing its bidding.

Memorable Quote: “Shut up, Wesley!” – Picard, silencing the person trying to save him from the really obvious ploy by the bad guy.

IMAGE: COPYRIGHT WIZARDS OF THE COAST.

With the legendary competition of Nerd Olympics just days away, players are frantically scouring lands far and wide searching for that one missing card to their otherwise perfect deck. Keeping that in mind, this week’s Magic Card is a useful creature for rounding out any deck bent on continuing the yearly tradition of my disappointment in this tournament.

Vampire Nighthawk comes into play for a mere three mana, a price more than worth it. For a 2/3 flying creature, the cost is pretty standard. But WotC pulled out all the stops for this prick, and awarded him the Deathtouch and Lifelink abilities as well, making him a force to be reckoned with.

He can fly over your opponent’s defenses to bleed him dry, and use the lifelink to recharge your own health in the process. Or if need be, he can use Deathtouch to personally drop almost any creature threatening your magical self.

Either way, throw a couple of Vampire Nighthawks into your bullshit black or sparkly vampire deck and experience the overpoweredness for yourself. Hell, splash black into your all-white soldier deck, this guy is worth it.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

As is the case with so many first season TNG episodes, a brilliant concept is introduced and then completely mishandled.

Plot: Captain Picard decides to try out this new thing called the holodeck he’s been hearing about. Always eager to display how boring he is, Picard opts not to check out anything erotic, or even interesting, but instead chooses to take on the role of Dixon Hill, a film noir style detective. To no one’s surprise, some alien technology causes the holodeck to malfunction, trapping Picard and several others in the fictional world.

Character Development: I’m going to bend the rules a little and discuss the holodeck itself here. Early in “The Big Goodbye,” Picard is kissed by a holographic woman. When he leaves the holodeck, he caries with him the lipstick she left on his face which is later physically removed. It must therefore be assumed that makeup is replicated for use by holodeck characters. The episode concludes with some of Dixon’s enemies disappearing as they step out of the holodeck (obviously, they are “photons and forcefields”). Their clothes, stomach contents, and anything else they may be carrying disappear at the same time. It is therefore clear that the holodeck possess extreme artificial intelligence, capable of deciphering which materials to replicate, and which to project, in order to best suit the needs of the plots of both its own programs, and the TV series in which it is featured.

Forehead of the Week: This goes to the Jarada. The insect-like aliens put so much stress on Captain Picard through their demands that he speak to them perfectly in their own language without use of universal translator that he chose to escape to the holodeck for some relaxation.

Memorable Quote: “Hiya Doc. What’s cookin’?” – Data, providing minor amusement in an episode that should have been significantly funnier.

Image: Weskimo and Newbs, lifelong rivals.

Next weekend, the 7th annual Nerd Olympics will begin, allowing our competitors another opportunity to assert their gaming dominance on the nerdly community.

Possibly no player has ever wielded such debated prowess in the various competitions than the illustrious Newbs himself. Scorned by the skilled, feared by the foolish, and simply noticed by the noobs, Newbs has simultaneously cut a mighty swath and fallen flat on his face in previous years. Possessing nothing more than a few twitchy console skills and an unhealthy obsession with Mario Kart and Tetris, Newbs has managed to make a name for himself in this competition as the perpetual underdog.

So what will he do this year? Get another taste of life on the podium after years of disappointment? Maybe he’ll once again claim that prestigious ‘Most Inconsequential Medals’ Award.  He might even finally stick us all with his giant long-jobby and finally take the win. Stay tuned.

Image: News Corporation.

Of course, the employees of Fox News could take turns being Shameful Human from here on out and it would be entirely justified, but that would be too easy. That granted, I’ve got a link to a Fox News exposé on the horrors of video games that’s given me special motivation to berate the organization this week. It’s right here. Be sure to make a wanking motion the entire time you’re reading that. Let’s do a quick run through of the issues with this piece.

The title is “Is Bulletstorm the Worst Video Game in the World?” Oh I get it, you can imply ridiculous things to your readers without being entirely libelous by posing leading questions. I need to take notes for my website dedicated to mockery and trolling. “Fair and balanced” is so ironic a slogan that I actually have to keep my brain from flipping into “I’m reading parody” mode when consuming Fox material.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jerry Weichman says “if a younger kid experiences Bulletstorm‘s explicit language and violence, the damage could be significant.” Well, I suppose children can be affected by viewing violence, but Bulletstorm is M rated. If 9-year-olds are playing the game, I suspect it is as a result of poor parenting… no wait, I’m wrong. According to psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, ESRB ratings aren’t enforced. That’s funny, because I’ve personally seen EB employees refuse to sell to kids, and they are apparently better enforced than movie ratings. Baselessly attacking movies must not be worth as many scare points for Fox’s old and angry audience.

Lieberman wasn’t done making shit up in her above quote. She also claims “the increase in rapes can be attributed in large part to the playing out of [sexual] scenes in video games.” I wonder when all those dating sims I’ve played will kick in and I’ll go on a raping frenzy.

Alright, final ridiculous quote. “Video game publishers traditionally stay glib about the issue of violence.” This statement is followed up by an explanation of all the “no comments” game companies gave to Fox. In other words, I don’t think glib means what Fox News thinks it means.

Image: RoboCop. Orion Pictures.

Detroit mayor Dave Bing is looking for ways to improve his city’s image. One Twitter user suggested erecting a statue of RoboCop, similar to the Rocky statue in Philadelphia. Sadly, they mayor turned the idea down. In order to convince Bing of what a great idea this really is, I will be honouring RoboCop in this week’s character profile.

Source: Detroit policeman Alex J. Murphy was rebuilt as the cyborg OCP Crime Prevention Unit 001, or RoboCop, after he was murdered by a criminal gang.

Vital Statistics: RoboCop carries a 9mm handgun which he holsters in his leg. He can remove his left hand and replace it with a “weapon arm” which includes a machine gun, flamethrower, and missile launcher. It is with these weapons that RoboCop protects the good people of Detroit from the criminals in their city.

Something Disturbing: There is nothing disturbing whatsoever about RoboCop. He is a glistening example of lawfulness and integrity, and erecting a statue in his image is the least Detroit can do to honour his brave efforts.

Fury Factor: Remember that time I said he could replace his hand with a missile launcher? Yeah. Also defeated ED-209 by tricking it into attempting to descend a set of stairs. Fury factor: 2700.

IMAGE: COPYRIGHT WIZARDS OF THE COAST.

Hailing from the Worldwake set, Mordant Dragon is this week’s Magic Card.

At first glance, Mordant Dragon is just like many of the other flying lizard behemoths. He’s a 5/5 flying at 6 mana cost. He’s got a firebreathing-type ability, letting you spend additional mana to temporarily boost his power.

But then this sneaky scaly jerk reveals his other ability. After he damages a player, he does a bombing run on your opponent’s forces on his way home.

He deals an equal amount of damage to any creature as he just did to your opponent’s face, assassinating any unlucky enough to have been singled out for special attention.

IMAGE: STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION. COPYRIGHT CBS PARAMOUNT STUDIOS.

On this week’s episode of Star Trek, Deanna Troi’s childhood marriage arrangement catches up with her. Hijinks ensue.

Plot: The Enterprise is heading for the planet of Haven, renowned for both its maxin’ and relaxin’. On the way, Deanna recieves a transporter room surprise in the form of a talking metallic box which informs her it’s time for the arranged marriage of her childhood she was hoping to avoid.

In addition to Deanna’s husband to be (promising human doctor Wyatt Miller) and his parents, Deanna’s mother Lwaxana Troi also beams aboard the Enterprise. She’s wacky comedic relief! She hits on Picard, she hits on Riker, and everyone has a great time, myself especially. I laughed uproariously while watching this episode alone in my basement of solitude.

Character Development: Deanna and Riker’s relationship is as confusing as ever. He’s jealous of her upcoming marriage, and there’s certainly something going on between the two, but they aren’t anywhere near a proper couple, either. Considering how “single” Riker acts around other women, you’d think he’d be cool with Deanna seeing other guys, but he’s not. That’s bullshit.

Forehead of the Week: That goes to the multi-talented Mr. Homn, Lwaxana’s attendant. He’s at least seven feet tall, drinks like a Klingon, can out-lift Captain Picard, and has only spoken once.

Memorable Quote: “Bill.” – Deanna, refering to Riker. She is apparently close enough to Riker to know his secret nickname (you know, the one that’s not Will or Number One).

This week’s Interneter is Blake Boston, better known as Scumbag Steve. You can see him pictured in all his glory to the right.

Folks across the internet (well, mostly Reddit) have been enjoying sticking text implying that Steve is a bit of a, well, scumbag on that particular picture. The idea is that Steve likes to poke his head around the corner, ask to borrow your stuff, get you to pay for things, and especially acquire weed from you whenever he can. All favours which he never returns.

As with most/all of the ridiculous images of people which circle the internet, Scumbag Steve exists in reality, but as Blake Boston. It’s an exclusive club filled by the likes of Tron Guy, and the fellow who dresses up as Peter Pan. In Blake’s case, he is a MySpace rapper and highly legitimate.

“Weezy B.” as he is sometimes known has had a bumpy ride on the meme train. His Twitter feed is filled with drama associated with his entry into entirely deserved super-stardom with gems like the following. I don’t really know what it means, but it sounds angry.

REDDIT IMA COMIN FOR YOU DONT LET ME DOWN FUKERS REALFUKINTALK DAPS 4 CHAN?SUCK MY DICK.

Blake seems to have mostly come around to his notoriety by this point, as his Twitter description tells us:

Im Blake Boston.Im from Boston. I guess Im also a meme (whatever the f*ck that is). scumbag steve. whatever. FUCK YA IM SCUMBAG STEVE.DEAL

Image: Adapted from Telephone Pole by Nicholas Smale under a CC-BY license.

We’ve decided to switch things up a little here at ShufflingDead this week. I want to know if clicking a button and voting on a poll is easier than answering a question with your own words.

So, this week, the Question of the Week has become the Poll of the Week, the test becoming multiple choice instead of long answer. Does the internet wish to speak to me with numbers instead of words? Tough shit, internet, because I don’t speak binary.

What do you all think?

Image: Dead Space 2 box art. EA.

EA, or whoever defrosted the aged idea of selling video games by making you feel rebelious for playing them in the marketing campaign for Dead Space 2, are this week’s Shameful Humans.

The campaign consists of a bunch of mom-looking moms (or maybe/probably they’re actors) reacting to footage from Dead Space 2. They react just the way years of stereotyped portrayals on television would lead you to expect they would react!

You can see the humiliatingly stupid results here. Anticipate a lot of middle-aged women grimacing.

Even more embarassing, part of this campaign involves a forced attempt at “going viral” by trying to get the kids back home to film their moms reacting to the violence of Dead Space 2 as well. Quick, you’ve only got until February 25th!

So, to recap: This campaign implies that gamers are a bunch of teenage guys who strive to be as bad-ass as possible by playing games their mothers wouldn’t approve of. Women don’t like video games. Adults don’t like video games. A “mature” rated game isn’t for mature people.

This campaign reminds me of the juvenility supplied so copiously by game marketers in the ’90s. These ads are more fitting Mortal Kombat than they are what I thought was supposed to be a serious game of 2011.

Image: Adapted from Natalie Portman by Josh Jensen under a CC-BY-SA license.

Dear Natalie Portman,

First off, you’re fucking Queen Amidala. Do you even realize how awesome that is? Queen “I gave birth to Darth Vader’s children” Amidala. Queen “I’m friends with Jar Jar Binks” Amidala. Queen “I fall for pick up lines involving sand” Amidala.

I was really hoping you could say something insulting about George Lucas, just between us. That would be hilarious. What’s in his neck pouch?

I frequently discuss on my website how terrible your fake English accent is, I hope you don’t mind. It was bad enough in V for Vendetta, but at least that was a watchable movie. On the other Bantha foot, The Other Boleyn Girl was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and it was just as bad there. Please, just stop.

I previously asked Scarlett Johansson to pass the message regarding your accent on to you, but you’ve got Your Highness coming out, so I don’t think you got it. Since it’s a comedy, maybe it’s part of the joke though.

Do you ever look at Photoshopped pictures of yourself on the internet? Yeah, I don’t recommend doing that.

I don’t like sand,
Newbs

Image: Kirby Super Star Ultra. Nintendo.

Source: Kirby is the legendary pink… thing of the games which carry his name.

Vital Statistics: Kirby is a mere 8 inches tall, yet appears to be roughly the same height as other Nintendo mascots in Super Smash Bros., including the human and humanoid ones. He has also been described as “a living pink marshmallow,” but that might not be canon. In conclusion, he is pink. The rest is up for debate.

Something Disturbing: Although gamers across the internet never seem to get enough of the sexual and/or grotesque implications of Kirby’s giant mouth-body, Wikipedia tells me some Kirby material has implied that he is fairly young. I recommend we continue to ignore these hints for the purpose of comedy.

Fury Factor: Kirby’s own games are generally quite easy, with some not even allowing him/you to die. Having said that, I’ve seen Kirby box significantly above his punch class (or whatever sports analogy I am trying to make) in Super Smash Bros. As such, I award Kirby a fury factor of 2300.01.

What you just read: In the Summer of 2006 I started up a feature called “Prehistoric Organism of the Week” with the intention of MS-Painting dinosaurs for amusement. I then abandoned that feature a couple months later and started up “Game Character Q&A of the Week” so that I could make sexual innuendos about Tetris pieces. This lasted all of two entries. In September of 2009 I rebranded “Prehistoric Organism of the Week” as “Creature of the Week” so that I could MS-Paint Pokémon. Now, in early 2011, I’ve decided to pull all of these things together into the feature you just read, simply called “Character Profile of the Week.” All of this is to say we don’t know what we’re doing here at ShufflingDead, but we ask that you just roll with it.

Image: Copyright Wizards of the Coast.

One of the most devastating mill cards I’ve ever encountered, Traumatize is this week’s Magic Card of the Week.

Traumatize takes five mana to cast, but is well worth the cost. The best way to make sure your opponent can’t cast his spells against you is to make sure he never has the opportunity to draw them in the first place.

Dropping a traumatize will hand out a serious beatdown to your rival’s spell cache, severely limiting his ability to bring the fight back your way.

It’s also a must-have for anyone trying to ‘deck’ their enemies. Waving goodbye to half their spells will aid you greatly in embarrassing your opponent by defeating him without even having to dirty your hands by dealing a single damage.

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

On this week’s episode of Star Trek, Q is back and he’s here to provide the crew with another meaningless challenge to overcome.

Plot: Q interrupts an important rescue mission the Enterprise is on so that he can figure out what would happen if he gave Riker the powers of the Q. What follows is a bunch of dicking around on a desert planet, some talking, and absolutely nothing of consequence. Deanna Troi is missing from this episode, and neither crew nor audience cares.

Character Development: Q-ed up Riker offers to grant each member of the regular cast a gift. This involves turning Wesley into a model from a men’s wear catalog, giving Geordi eyesight, and throwing Worf a rambunctious Klingon female. Of course, each crew person rejects his or her gift, citing the desire to be as boring as possible.

Forehead of the Week: The pig-like humanoid aliens dressed as 18th century French military uniforms that Q uses as props get the title this week. The show’s writers couldn’t even be bothered to name them, but they deserve more than that.

Memorable Quote: “Macro head with a micro brain.” – Q, slamming Worf with a witty quip about the size of his noggin.

Image: Copyright Wizards of the Coast.

The Nerd Olympics is just weeks away, and that means it’s time for obsessive Legacy deck tweaking. That can get pricy, but money is no object when honour is on the line.

If you’ve been around the game long enough and not been an an embarrassingly cheap player for that entire time, you probably already have a play-set of Wraths.

If you’re me, then you still don’t have a single copy of the card, despite really really needing it to win the most important Magic tournament in the history of price-inflated pieces of cardboard.

Wrath of God is a 4-mana board clearer that has been around since the first edition of Richard Garfield’s game. It is widely regarded as the definitive sweeper and has defined meta-games since the beginning.

Time to pony up.

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

If you’re wondering where “Justice,” the episode between last week’s “Lonely Among Us” and this week’s “The Battle” is, I already wrote about it. It’s right here.

On this week’s Star Trek episode, those wily Ferengi are up to something yet again.

Plot: The Enterprise meets up with a Ferengi ship that has brought a strange gift: the old Federation ship Stargazer. This was Picard’s old ship, one which he lost in a fight with an unknown vessel, but not before destroying his adversary. In this episode, it is revealed that it was the Ferengi which Picard had encountered, and a family member of one of those who died aboard it is carrying a serious grudge. DaiMon Bok has brought with him a “thought maker” to control Picard and enact revenge.

Character Development In this episode, we discover that Jean-Luc Picard is a brilliant tactician, one capable of devising a ship maneuver worthy of carrying his own name. The mighty Picard Maneuver was his key to winning the Battle of Maxia. It involved blasting toward his opponent at warp 9 in order to make it appear as though there were two copies of his ship at once, thanks to the rate at which light travels. This is different than the other, more famous Picard Maneuver, which involves straightening your shirt on an awkwardly frequent basis.

Forehead of the Week: Since this is a Ferengi episode and I’ve already covered them, I’m going to give Picard’s forehead the honour (and what a forehead it is!). In “The Battle,” we learn that headaches are truly rare in the 24th century, but poor Picard has to suffer through one of them this entire episode.

Memorable Quote:“You’re welcome, ladies… heh. Adults.” – Wesley Crusher, ruining Star Trek.

Image: Cuddly Dominion.

Continuing with animal-themed Interneters, this week’s champion is Pankun, the famous Japanese chimpanzee.

Pankun earned his fame in Japan on television, starring in “Tensai! Shimura Dobutsuen” and “Dobutsu Kiso Tengai!” These programs, of the “people looking at videos and shouting out their random reactions” genre (which represents about half of all Japanese programming), featured Pankun performing various human tasks with stunning coordination and intelligence.

Pankun often shares his adventures with his bulldog life partner, James. I’m not sure James serves any purpose in completing Pankun’s tasks, but close-ups of his face frequently add to the absurdity.

Pankun came to the west when clips of his TV appearances began circulating the internet. With obsessed copyright-violation hawks now circling, it has gotten harder to find choice Pankun clips online, although many are still out there. Here, you can see my all-time favourite Pankun clip, of the chimpanzee putting together a noodle dish. More clips can be seen here.

Image: Adapted from drinking beer by schuey under a CC-BY license.

So after an evening of Facebook status trolling, Starcraft II custom games, and banana bread flavored beer (it’s as absolutely delicious as it sounds), I still have no real question in mind for this week.

This week’s question is going to be less about me pushing my opinions at you with my often largely biased and rather ridiculous hyperbole. This week is all about you. Yes, you, specifically you. Tell me something about you that I don’t already know. Go on, it’s just me and the collective hive mind of the internet here, no need to be shy. What is one thing that I don’t know about you?

Image: Adapted from Warriors ... by claudiogennari under a CC-BY license.

Welcome back to Feedback of the Week. The (supposedly) weekly segment here at ShufflingDead where we reflect on some of the best input our beloved friends and admirers have sent our way. Remember, you can use our handy contact page to insult us with the vain hope of getting featured here, or you could comment anywhere at all on the site our our YouTube channel.

First up, from our Sonic the Hedgehog Review – Bonanza 2 video, RacerX1111 responds to my admittance that I made a mistake regarding Mario 3‘s save functionality:

thats true people do make mistakes. im sure your parents talk about that every morning

That’s spectacular, I have no witty reply. Moving on, I will introduce A2Nesk. This YouTuber took the effort to reply to our Jumper: Griffin’s Story Review with:

for some reason you guys are cool

The secret is simple: we’re chill people. While others worry about things like lighting, scripting, and production quality, we at ShufflingDead take a more relaxed approach to content production.

Finally this week, I would like to reflect on the words of alien53XF13Nd. This commenter had something to say about our Animethon 16 (2009) Cosplay video:

Cosplay it what makes me hate every anime convention…these kidz are lame as fuck and have no lives…I love anime with all my heart im pretty cool with everyone i pretty much know and have met throughout my life preps,jocks,popular kids,etc….But i will never understand these kids they give anime a bad name….

“alien53XF13Nd,” creative expression takes many forms. While some enjoy celebrating their pop culture favourites by dressing up as and emulating the characters they love, others prefer to mangle the English language and spew text uncontrollably across the internet with near-illiterate precision. It takes all kinds.

Image: Copyright Wizards of the Coast.

This week’s Magic Card is Preeminent Captain. This bastard can be key to battlefield supremacy, and in handing out an overwhelming beatdown.

Toss this diminutive dick into your all-Soldier deck and he’ll help you wreck some bitches in short order.

Three mana gets you a 2/2 First Strike creature, strong enough in its own right. But this hobbit brings friends. Like Samwise Gamgee. Yeah, he’ll bring Sam along for the ride, and they’ll tear up giant spiders and shit.

Or he’ll bring along the entire Minas Tirith army. Yeah, that one. Each time freaking Pippin here attacks, he drags another Soldier out of your hand, puts him into play charging the gates of Mordor right alongside him.

Pretty heroic, hey?

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

On this week’s particularly surreal episode of Star Trek, the Enterprise crew must contend with delegates from rival alien races, as well as a marauding energy force that’s taking over key members of the crew.

Plot: The episode begins with Picard, Riker, and Yar welcoming members of the reptilian Selay race to the Enterprise, but things are off to a rocky start when the Selay demand to be moved to quarters upwind from their furry rivals, the Anticans. Both races are seeking entrance to the Federation, and have agreed to try to overcome their differences by meeting on planet Parliament for some… parliament or something, which is where the Enterprise is supposed to be taking them.

Character Development: This episode begins what will become a key piece of Data’s character, his obsession with Sherlock Holmes. Picard suggests to Data that his investigation into what is causing problems on the Enterprise makes him a “private eye” like Holmes. Logically, the android begins smoking a pipe and throwing out well-worn Sherlock Holmes references wherever possible.

Forehead of the Week: This is a close call between the Selay and Anticans, but I have to give it to the Anticans, simply because the episode ends with Yar complaining that one of the Enterprise’s cooks has been asked to boil some rather Selay-looking reptile. The rivalry between the Selay and Anticans is treated with amusing disregard by the Enterprise crew, who typically consider the murder of delegates aboard their ship as something more serious than comic relief.

Memorable Quote: “It’s elementary, my dear Riker… sir.” – Data, mid-LARPing session.

Image: Adapted from G0321 by Piez under a CC-BY license.

After trawling Reddit for a few minutes looking for an Interneter to discuss today, I realized I was looking at pictures of cats, again. After 10 years on the internet I think the number of cat pictures I’ve seen is finally catching up to the number of booby pictures I’ve seen.

The incredible part of that statement? I don’t really like pets, and I really like breasts.

Reflecting on that 10 year period reminds me of something. Back in 2001, the internet didn’t seem too focused on cats, except where the word related to All Your Base. We had image macros back then, oh yes we did, but few contained cats. There was no such thing as Caturday, or lolcats, or icanhascheezburger. Those were simpler times.

I suppose the invasion was inevitable. Nerdlingers, basement dwellers, and neckbeards love their cats, and they don’t even mind looking at the cats of others. With self-produced cat photos, these people found an unlimited source of free internet love. They became their own funny picture resource after using up Tron guy and his ilk.

It could be worse, I suppose. We could be looking at pictures of dogs.

Image: Nintendo.

I’m seeing all the game sites on the internet light up with polls and reviews and giant circle-jerks about how just how great some of 2010′s game releases were, how well they did in sales, reviews, etc. But I’m not overly interested in that, everyone else is covering that stuff. And most of it is making Newbs shake with rage.

What I am interested in is what games you actually played in 2010. I played a ton of games this year that weren’t released in 2010, and the experience was more than satisfactory. Whether you ran out and bought Halo: Reach, just plugged in Borderlands or Left for Dead for another playthrough, or dusted off the old NES for some vintage Zelda action, that’s what I want to hear about. The games that actually mattered enough for you to play. So, what was the best game you played in 2010?

Image: Adapted from Nintendo office by Moja under a CC-BY-SA license.

For real this time.

Will the 3DS have loads of bad-ass games that both play and look awesome? Hell yes it will. Will it include intelligent design decisions? Maybe.

Andriasang has a story up about the online play of Super Street Fighter IV for 3DS, and it includes some rather dubious language: “You add players to your friend list by exchanging friend codes.”

For the uninformed, the Wii and DS have both featured ugly and arcane online systems which require you to enter a 12 digit “friend code” if you want to interact with specific people online. You can still play strangers no problem. There are system codes, which some games use, while others use game specific codes. The few players that bother with this system are faced with utter tedium.

Now, Andriasang’s story is based on a translation from a Japanese magazine that doesn’t give any further details. We don’t know if this is an updated friend codes system, whether friend codes are per game or per system, or if friend codes are even tied to an entire player account, nevertheless, the language is foreboding indeed.

Rumours are now circulating that the system will also be hindered by “region locking.” This is the authoritarian restriction of preventing people from different territories from playing each other’s games. In other words, a North American 3DS won’t be able to play Japanese games, or vice versa. You’d need to import a Japanese 3DS to play games meant for that territory.

All of this comes in addition to a currently unknown but expected price of $250+ and shaky 3-5 hour battery life. The west is waiting for January 19th when much is supposed to be revealed, including (hopefully) specifics on these troubling issues. Whether Nintendo has realized that this event is occurring in 2011 remains to be seen.

Image: Copyright Wizards of the Coast.

A worthy member of any white deck, the Kitsune Blademaster can be a powerful addition to your arsenal.

For just three mana, you find yourself with a 2/2 creature who possesses the First Strike ability, which by itself can be a game changer. But he also uses the Bushido ability to give himself a temporary buff when being blocked or blocking, often awarding him a powerful advantage in combat.

Combining First Strike and a natural combat boost can be deadly, but consider throwing the poor furry a bone and put him on the donor list for a couple of your own spells to increase his abilities.

Throw a few of these into your white support deck and watch them quickly turn the battle in your favor.

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

On this week’s Star Trek Episode, the Enterprise is flung all over the universe by a mysterious new friend of Wesley’s.

Plot: The Enterprise brings aboard propulsion specialist Kosinski and his assistant who claim they can increase the ship’s engine efficiency, but Riker and one of engineering’s revolving team of chiefs are skeptical. It turns out Kosinski is an incompetent fake, but his assistant, “The Traveler” is some kind of space wizard who can fling ships all over the place using the power of positive thinking.

Character Development: During one of the Enterprise’s jaunts, crew member thoughts become reality. In one such instance, Yar’s memory takes her back to the halcyon days of her youth, when she would evade rape gangs with her cat. At this point, it is still unclear whether “rape gangs” is Tasha’s only character trait, although it appears increasingly likely.

Forehead of the Week: This episode introduces us to “The Traveler,” a three-fingered humanoid of Tau Alpha C. In addition to his passion for commandeering ships so that he can warp around the universe using the power of his mind, this man enjoys befriending young persons with engineering talents. He notices such talent in Wesley “Boy Wonder” Crusher, and pushes Picard to encourage the chief of sweater-wearing in this regard. In response, Picard promotes Crusher to acting ensign, ensuring we will be subjected to Wes’ antics for some time to come.

Memorable Quote: “Have the boy sent to the bridge, number one.” – Captain Picard, about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

Image: The Columbus Dispatch.

This week’s Interneter is an obvious one. It’s Ted Williams, of course. The man who, just a few days ago, was panhandling on the streets of Columbus, Ohio and is now doing voice-overs for Kraft commercials and is employed by MSNBC.

Williams gained the broad attention of the internet some small but incalculable number of days ago when a video featuring him was ripped from The Columbus Dispatch’s website and posted to YouTube. That video, which has since been removed for copyright violation, managed 13 million views in its first two days. You can still see the clip sitting inside of news reports like this one.

Williams had voice work in the early 90s, but fell into crack addiction and alcoholism, leading to homelessness. Williams has led a life of sobriety since 2008.

It’s not all good news. It seems inevitable that there will be a run on the homeless, every person with a camera will be scouring the streets for talent.

Nevertheless, Ted Williams, ShufflingDead salutes you for finding fame on YouTube. We’ve gotten nowhere cranking out videos for years, but you give us hope!

Source: Wikipedia

Image: Adapted from iPhone vs Android by nrkbeta under a CC-BY-SA license. Yes, you can similarly share alike!

Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot of discussion/rage/rants regarding the debatable advantages of some of the new ‘in’ things; namely the iPhone and the Android systems for cellular phone usage.

Personally, I’m loathe to weigh in on either side. I just got finished hating the Blackberry (commonly known among all addicted users as a “Crackberry”) and really don’t need to pick up more handhelds to be disgusted by on principle.

So what do you all think? Is Steve Jobs still a maniacal monster up in his fortress made of stacked 100 dollar bills? Does he have the ‘it’ thing for 2011? Or is he desperately clinging to a format that he has managed to convince enough loudmouthed consumers to swear by profusely, but is technologically inferior?

So, ShufflingDead readers, tell me what you think. iPhone or Android?

It’s a new year, which I was hoping would mean a fresh round of faces for Shameful Human of the Week, but the old ones continue to be goddamn horrible.

Activision Blizzard, the world’s largest video game publisher, worth roughly $14 billion, may end its presence in the UK and leave 600 people there unemployed because of an absence of sweet tax breaks. The company has thrown a tantrum over the government’s decision not to introduce tax “relief” for its industry.

Activision’s president and CEO, as well as ShufflingDead’s Shameful Human of 2010 Bobby Kotick called the lack of tax breaks a “terrible mistake,” claiming “there are so many other places that are encouraging the video games industry.” In other words: tax us wealthy corporations even less and maybe we will occasionally throw you a speck of employment.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Here’s an economic suggestion for the governments of the world: tax opulent asshole CEOs so thoroughly that they are forced to live in reality again, and use their money to employ people, instead of fighting over the scraps their companies give you now.

Source: The Telegraph

Image: Copyright Wizards of the Coast.

This wrinkly old elf is ShufflingDead’s Magic Card of the Week this week, as well as the first Elf to be named Magic Card of the Week. The reason: Newbs hates Elves. That’s right, Newbs is a racist.

Elvish Archdruid rings in at the moderate cost of three mana, but makes a welcome addition to any Elf-themed deck. +1/+1 to all other Elves is fantastic, and pair that with a couple of the Elvish Champions that I’m sure you already have in your Elf deck, and he’s a 4/4 in his own right.

This guy can really kick your casting into overdrive. Using his ability gives you an instant influx of mana, letting you lay down foresty fierceness all over the fucking place.

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

This week’s Star Trek Episode is “The Last Outpost” in which the Ferengi are introduced as a bunch of half-witted gibbering apes. Last week’s episode was “Encounter at Farpoint.” If you’re wondering where “The Naked Now” and “Code of Honor” are since I’m supposedly covering these things in order, I already wrote about them, here and here.

Plot: During the Enterprise’s pursuit of a vessel believed to be carrying stolen Federation property manned by the yet-to-be-encountered Ferengi, both ships become stranded above an unexplored planet. Both crews suspect the others for their troubles, and things come close to blows before away teams from both ships discover that their problems are being caused by an outpost established by an ancient space empire on the nearby planet.

Character Development: In this episode, Data encounters a foe beyond even his mental capabilities, the mighty Chinese finger trap. The fact that he is playing with one during a briefing with Captain Picard, and that he cannot solve it despite his supposedly vast knowledge of physics, indicates that the android still has things to learn when the lessons conveniently mirror concurrent events.

Forehead of the Week: This episode introduces an alien race which has been a Star Trek staple ever since, the Ferengi. A great amount of time is allotted to building up the Ferengi as menacing enemies before they are even shown. Eventually, a Ferengi’s giant face is seen on the view screen of the Enterprise, where his grotesque features and sharp teeth look imposing. Later, once the Enterprise crew encounters the Ferengi in the flesh, they learn that they are greedy and incompetent. The Ferengi run around grunting and screaming, flailing their arms around like monkeys, and generally act as non-threatening as possible.

Memorable Quote: “Merde.” – Captain Picard speaking French because the writers were already out of ideas to use the French aspect of his character.

Image: Adapted from Happy New Year! by meddygarnet under a CC-BY license.

This is it: 2010 is over as of midnight tonight. I know, I know, phrases like “where did the year go?” “OMG, it’s 2011!” and “I’m never drinking again…” will no doubt be assaulting you via the social networks of Facebook, Twitter, and any other site you happen to visit over the next few days. Enjoy that.

Upon reflecting this past year, I feel like I’ve accomplished a decent amount of stuff. No doubt you managed to gain some XP through the many moments you participated in. But I just need you to pick one and tell me about it. Tell me your proudest moment of this past year. Don’t tell me your New Year’s Resolutions, don’t tell me your goals for this next year, I’m probably barely interested. Just tell me one thing: What Was Your Best Moment of 2010?

Activision CEO Bobby Kotick has been made Shameful Human of the Year following a rigorous vote in which 8 people exercised their democratic right to decide the title. (9 shared the story on Facebook, figure that one out.)

Bobby took first place in the poll by narrowly beating out Steve Jobs 4 to 3, while Uwe Boll and Roissy trailed significantly further behind, grabbing 1 and 0 votes respectively.

Among all the annoyances committed by all the Shameful Humans of 2010, Bobby’s have certainly been some of the worst. 2010 saw the corporate mastermind get sued for trying to underpay one of his lawyers, firing the creative talent behind his company’s best selling games, getting sued by his former employees for ripping them off massively, and poorly slagging off Tim Schafer. This was all in addition to Kotick’s previous track record, which is one of driving game franchises into the ground and entirely disrespecting the artistic aspect of video game creation.

Congratulations Bobby, you’ve succeeded at being an utter dick numerous times in a single year, you deserve this more than anyone else ShufflingDead bothers to cover.

Image: Copyright Wizards of the Coast.

Nothing better to stop your opponent’s hordes than a good ol’ fashioned wall. This week’s Magic Card of the Week, and the last one of 2010, is Wall of Omens from the Rise of the Eldrazi set.

If you look around for some other walls, you’ll notice they’re usually just a damage dumpster, high toughness, but low returning damage. And they typically come at a cost of 3+ mana.

Wall of Omens is a hero wall, delivering some moderate battlefield control with 4 toughness for only 2 mana, great for putting the brakes on an early rush. Aside from keeping the enemy’s filthy claws off of your magical person, Wall of Omens allows you to draw a card when it comes into play to keep up the offensive. Launch attacks from behind Wall of Omens and your rivals will despair in the face of your ivory wall of frustration.

Image: Star Trek: The Next Generation. Copyright CBS Paramount Studios.

Welcome back to the no-longer-on-hiatus Star Trek Episode of the Week. I plan on slamming through every episode of Next Generation from beginning to end. That means that this week, I will be covering the series’ debut, “Encounter at Farpoint.”

Plot: On its way to check out Farpoint Station, a potential trading partner for the Federation, the Enterprise runs into a giant psychedelic chain link fence. The crew does its best to demonstrate the capabilities of the Enterprise to the TV audience, but simply cannot escape this threat.

It turns out a being of incredible power, Q, is behind the antics. He wants to put humanity on trial for being a “grievously savage race.” Picard eventually talks him into testing that claim by allowing the Enterprise to continue on its mission to Farpoint and reviewing the findings.

Character Development: This episode introduces us to the new crew of the all new Star Trek: The Next Generation. We discover that:

• Data is an android who has graduated from the academy and achieved the rank of Lieutenant Commander, yet behaves like he’s never been around humans before.
• Geordi’s eyes don’t work, but he has a visor that gives him special visual powers.
• Riker has already nailed Troi, and may soon be moving on to the other women checking him out.
• Picard is a hard-ass who hates children, his crew, and pretty much everyone else.
• Wesley Crusher is an annoying twat.
• Worf is a Klingon and behaves like one.
• Tasha Yar is without interesting character traits that can be developed in further episodes.

Forehead of the Week: That’s got to be the Bandi of Deneb IV. This species is primarily known for its abuse of giant space jellyfish for fun and profit. They are very similar to humans in appearance, although they tend toward long, scraggly hair and miserable facial expressions.

Memorable Quote: “Let’s hope they find you as tasty as they did their past associates.” – Picard, discussing the dangers of the Ferengi. Apparently Quark has an appetite for more than just Latinum.

Image: Adapted from Christmas, 2008 in NH by doortoriver under a CC-BY license.

Christmas is supposed to be all about giving. Or some religious icon’s fake birthday or something. Really, it’s about giving.

But today I want to talk about receiving gifts. What is the best Christmas present you’ve ever gotten? Was it the SNES you got from your parents in the 3rd grade? Was it the ridiculous grandpa sweater that fed a sweater habit that you just can’t kick? Or was it 60 Litres of Pepsi your friends gave you to mock you?

ShufflingDead wants to know! And if you feel like sharing your worst gift too, we’re all ears.

Image: Adapted from Nepal Protest. Photo by SFTHQ. Used under a CC-BY license.

As promised, ShufflingDead now presents the poll for Shameful Human of the Year. After a rigorous nomination process of me picking names based on the three comments we received regarding this important issue, we have narrowed the contenders to four. Make your selection in the poll below.

First up is Steve Jobs. Mr. Turtleneck has done a lot of being himself this year, and that’s bothered a lot of people. There’s plenty to dislike, you can read the full write up for more info, but in summary: he sells you shit you don’t need at prices you can’t afford, he’s smug as fuck, he’s secretive and controlling, and he hates Flash.

Next up is Roissy. His write-up was done in 2009, but we didn’t have a Shameful Human of the Year back then, so Roissy has been grandfathered in. Basically, he’s a raging sexist blogger. It hasn’t hurt that his page is one of the few on our site that gets any comments.

The third contender is Bobby Kotick. The Activision CEO has received a lot of bad press in 2010, and it has been well deserved. The man runs his company like an assembly-line, driving game franchises, even genres, into the ground for the sake of short-term profits. Along the way, Kotick has been accused of ripping off his most creative employees for millions.

Finally, we have perennial hate vacuum Uwe Boll, who actually managed to be Shameful Human twice this year. The man argues with journalists, he boxes his detractors, we produces garbage films, and generally acts like a raging dick.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Look at this big fucker. Just a giant, dragon-faced, forest-eating bastard, this guy.

The Craw Wurm emanates an aura of awesome so powerful, he’s been reprinted 12 times. A true classic of green battlefield supremacy, a Craw Wurm is always looked upon with fear, and just so that you remember that you are afraid, in all of his various printings, his flavor text never changes, explaining why you are afraid.

“The most terrifying thing about the Craw Wurm is probably the horrible crashing sound it makes as it speeds through the forest. This noise is so loud it echoes through the trees and seems to come from all directions at once.”

Call upon the Craw Wurm when you want to deal 6 damage to something and not much else.

Image: Adapted from christmas tree 2004 by scottfeldstein under a CC-BY license.

That’s the million dollar question this time of year, isn’t it? I can hardly talk to my family without being bombarded by queries of how they can buy my continuing love for the next 364 days.

It’s tough for me to just ask for something for Christmas these days. I’m older, working, and have my own place. I buy the low to moderate expense items that I want. Yes, there are still lots of things I want or need, like a new phone, iPod, or even a new TV stand. But I find it difficult to ask someone to buy things like this for me, because I have to live with their choice, rather than my own. Thus the invention of the gift card, I suppose.

But many people are uncomfortable giving close friends and relatives gift cards, preferring to endeavor to find a gift perfectly suited and carefully chosen, to show the recipient the thought and consideration they have for them. Then some last-minute stress induced frustration kicks in and you go buy a gift card anyway.

So, ShufflingDead readers, make it easy on your loved ones. Tell us what you want for Christmas. I can in no way promise to convey the message to your desired audience, but Christmas is about wishes or something, right?

Image: EA.

ShufflingDead’s final Shameful Human for 2010 is whoever it was, lurking in the darkest corner of EA’s corporate office, that greenlit SSX Deadly Descents. If you wisely chose to miss the abominable SpikeTV VGAs where this game was premiered, allow me a moment to explain what this new title is about.

If you have the barest knowledge of the SSX franchise, then you can probably guess that this is a snowboarding game. If you know anything more about the SSX franchise than that it is about snowboarding, I’m afraid you will be unable to assume anything else.

If the game’s teaser trailer is any indication, Deadly Descents is a tonal reboot of the franchise which moves it away from the “totally extreme” style of previous entries and toward the “gritty extreme” of Gears of War. Alternate titles suggested by angered fans include “SSX: Dudebro Descents” and “Tom Clancy’s SSX: Deadly Descents.” The official website for the game explains “SSX: Deadly Descents will pit riders versus both mountain and man.”

I’ve played a couple SSX games in my life, and although I would not describe myself as a huge fan, I did enjoy them. What I found most memorable about those games was that they were colourful, bright, humorous, and slightly-cartoonish takes on snowboarding. In other words, they were nothing like SSX Deadly Descents.

I love to rag on the manly-man dudebro style of games that have dominated this generation, but that is not my problem with this new SSX. The real issue is the entirely inappropriate branding of this game as SSX at all. A game so far removed from the previous titles which bore that name simply isn’t one of those games.

From a business perspective, I understand EA’s reasoning: stick SSX on there and let consumers know this is a snowboarding game while (maybe) getting the fan base on board as well. From an artistic perspective, there is simply no sense in the decision because there is no longer a common thread between the games aside from the most basic premise (snowboarding). Casting that wide of a definition of what makes SSX SSX means you might as well start calling all snowboarding games by that name.

Compare this with something like Spider-Man. That franchise has been ported to numerous mediums and been re-booted in most of them. Never the less, many characters remain in each iteration and fill similar roles. The basic plot (teenage boy with super-human spider-like capabilities deals with girls, the death of his uncle, and super-villains) persists. “Spider-Man” still means something beyond “superhero.”

It’s time game companies like EA began respecting their own intellectual property enough to call different games different things.

You know what card hasn’t been Magic Card of the Week yet, mother-fucking, mountain-climbing, trail-blazing Mountain Goat.

The noble Mountain Goat packs a walloping attack power of one, and wields the ever-furious Mountainwalk ability, all for the sleek casting cost of one red mana. That means a turn-one Mountain Goat can be slamming your red-playing opponent’s face turn two with no need to fear being blocked.

Things can get really juicy if you toss a sweet buff at your furry friend. Enchant him with Giant Strength to give him +2/+2 and get ready to hear the lamentation of your opponent’s women.

Originally printed in Ice Age, Mountain Goat went on to be reprinted in 5th Edition, 6th Edition, and Portal. Copies of the card can be found in junk-common bins, taking up space in collectors’ binders, and just chilling in general.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Mother Carrie Goldman has discovered that bullying begins in first grade. (There are people who think otherwise? Hrrrunng. Come talk to me about that one, humanity.) It seems her daughter, Katie Goldman, is a huge Star Wars fan, and she decided to express this by picking up Star Wars themed paraphernalia. Specifically, a Star Wars backpack and water bottle to take to school.

After a few months of enjoying these items and using them daily, Katie tried to convince her mother that she wanted to switch to a pink water bottle. After pursuing the matter with the girl, Carrie Goldman discovered that her daughter was being teased by the boys at school. Katie’s classmates attacked her verbally for using a Star Wars water bottle, because, you see, Star Wars is for boys.

At one point in telling this story online, Carrie exclaimed: “Is this how it starts? Do kids find someone who does something differently and start to beat it out of her, first with words and sneers? Must my daughter conform to be accepted?” The answer to all of these questions is, of course, yes. Children, much like adults, are terrible people. Generally, their minds are occupied by hate, ignorance, and fear. The boys who teased Katie have already internalized the unwritten rules of the gender normativity.

Carrie expressed her frustrations online and has garnered much attention. She requested the ladies of the internet add comments expressing their appreciation of Star Wars in support of Katie, and thousands of comments have been received thus far. As the movement has grown, some 30,000 have confirmed on Facebook that they will wear Star Wars clothing on December 10th as a show of support, and the Goldman family has asked participants to donate Star Wars toys to charities this Christmas.

To Katie Goldman, our Interneter of the Week, Shufflingdead salutes you for your ongoing commitment to Star Wars, a fine piece of intellectual property for both ladies and gentlemen to enjoy.

Sources: Chicago Now, CNN
Image: Star Wars The Clone Wars. Copyright Lucasfilm.

I admit it. I haven’t don’t much of anything this week except read about WikiLeaks, its founder Julian Assange, the site’s detractors, and its defenders. It seems only appropriate to put a cap on the ass of this zany outpouring of internet: serious business, and declare the enemies of WikiLeaks, also known as the enemies of free speech, the Shameful Humans of the Week.

Who does this group include? Most prominently in recent days, it has been the corporations which have stifled WikiLeaks’ ability to sustain itself monetarily. That includes PayPal, Visa, and MasterCard for cutting off their ties with site, making donations difficult. These political decisions have been shown to be especially egregious thanks to the revelation that Visa and MasterCard can be used to donate to other controversial groups, including the KKK. Apparently, free speech is only okay when your organization is not in the process of being attacked and smeared by the American government.

Amazon booted WikiLeaks from its hosting, claiming the site did not own the leaks it was publishing. This claim came despite the fact that United States government documents are not copyrightable. I wonder if publications later discussing these leaked documents will be available on Amazon. My guess is yes. At least we got the amusing story of an Amazon UK seller briefly hawking commentary on the cables following this incident, which made it look like Amazon was actually selling the documents they had so much trouble with hosting.

There are plenty of other players in this as well. That includes whoever it was that DDoS’ed WikiLeaks, Sweden and its mysterious legal wranglings to bring Julian Assange back to their country, Assange’s uncooperative bank, etc.

In the end, however, there is no more hypocritical, and no more troubling a group than the government of the United States. A country which has perpetually lauded free speech and wagged its finger at other nations for disallowing free press has admitted in its actions that it only approves of those things when they do not reveal embarrassing information regarding the behaviour of the American government. These criticism include Hillary Clinton calling WikiLeaks’ actions “an attack on America’s foreign policy interests,” and Joe Lieberman calling on Amazon to remove WikiLeaks from its hosting. Most disturbingly for me was Secretary of Defense Robert Gates’ reaction when he found out about Julian Assange’s arrest from reporters. He commented: “I hadn’t heard that, but that sounds like good news to me.” In other words, arrests of the innocent when they disagree with you: good news. Video of the incident made it appear that he was fighting back a smile at the time.

Hopefully that’s enough on WikiLeaks for now. Maybe I can think about something else for awhile.

Image: Robert Gates. Government of the United States.

This week’s Magic Card of the week is Vengevine, a powerful elemental from the Rise of the Eldrazi set.

Four mana gets you a 4/3 hasted creature. Never mind how rare it is to find a green card with Haste, this one has a mad-on for delivering some hate. Cast two creature spells in a single turn, and you can bring this beat-machine back from the dead for the low low cost of “free,” returning to continue his relentless assault on the puny bitches your pussy opponent is probably using.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

With the recent release of the The Deathly Hallows: Part 1 and its record breaking box office sales, it seems pretty clear to me which episode of furious wand-waving is the superior use of my time. But having not seen the newest installment of the series yet myself, I have to wonder: Is it really going to be better than Half-Blood Prince? Or did they just take liberties with the Deathly Hallows book, add a metric crap-ton of special effects and call it the End-All Super Awesome?

So all of you out there, tell me which movie you liked best. And while you’re at it, which book you liked best too, especially if the answer is different. Which is the Best Harry Potter Movie?

Image: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 poster. Copyright Warner Bros.

Image: Adapted from Nepal Protest. Photo by SFTHQ. Used under a CC-BY license.

With the month of December upon us, it’s time to begin considering the all too important process of selecting the Shameful Human of the Year. We’ve had some 40 Shameful Humans this year so far (Uwe Boll twice), and before all my rage is drained for 2010, we’ll probably have a couple more. Who among them has shamed the most? Who has shamed the most shamefully?

Hit the jump to see the full list of candidates thus far, with links to their corresponding write-ups. Ponder on the evil-doings of Bobby Kotick, Prince, Gene Simmons, Michael Bay, and so many more. Marvel at the collective badness of this especially annoying rogues gallery.

Pile upon the comments section of this post with your leading contenders. You can nominate anyone from the list so far, combine candidates (like the parade of Nintendo haters), or even throw in last-minute nominations I have yet to write about. I’ll put up a poll in a couple weeks between the leading contenders to determine the wrongest wronger of 2010.



Constantine Hantzopoulos
Antoine Seux
Pat Robertson
Uwe “Raging” Boll, and again.
Rex Fowler
Whoever wrote the “Intro” story for Sonic the Hedgehog 4
Robert Pattinson
Mike Hickey
Jenny McCarthy
Fredrik Liliegren
Barack Obama
Randy Neugebauer
James Mielke
Korean Pro StarCraft Players
Michael Pachter
Bobby Kotick
The Last Halo 2 Players
Steve Jobs
Michael Bay
Every single person responsible for Sex and the City 2
Bruce Jamar Walston
Ray Maguire
Andrew Auernheimer
Nintendo Co., Ltd.
Prince
Mel Gibson
Richard Blumenthal
Andrew Keen
Sergey Brin and Lawrence Page
Chris Anderson
Kevin Rose and the entire Digg community
Now it’s just the entire Digg community
M. Night Shyamalan
Cammie Dunaway
Gene Simmons
Kazunori Yamauchi
Child Abusing Gamers
Judith Griggs
Hot Topic
Mark Wahlberg and David O. Russell

Hailing from the Conflux edition, Thornling is this week’s Magic Card of the Week.

Thorny here is pretty decent in a scrap, and he’s got the toughness to take a solid beating. But he really sets himself apart when you start giving him access to your mana account. Invest a little in this shapeshifter and he quickly becomes the top member of Club Beat-Your-Face.

It can get expensive to power up all his abilities every turn, but if you’ve got big beasts and powerful elementals in your deck, you’re using some land acceleration anyway. Just giving him the one mana lets him be an indestructible wrecking crew this turn. Giving him more lets him trample the crap out of your opponent’s army, and if you’ve got more spare mana kicking around, giving him +1/-1 can’t hurt since he’s already indestructible. A powerful addition to any mono-green stomp deck.

Gaming companies the world over have been jumping all up and down over the irritating fad of motion-sensitive video games. Wii, Kinect, Move, whatever, they’re reaching out to an expanding market as consumer demand seems to do nothing but increase for these products. But does it really?

I maintain that there is a small resistance movement present in the world, those still in possession of their faculties and sanity, that reject the supposed awesomeness of motion-sensitive games, and want nothing to do with this part of the swirling miasma of gimmicky gaming.

So this week’s Question: Do You Like Motion-Based Video Games?

Image: Microsoft.

Mark Wahlberg has broken the news himself: he will be playing the role of Nathan Drake in the upcoming Uncharted film, based on the PS3 game series of the same name. In other words, Nathan Fillion, the nice guy who wanted the role, who would have been perfect for the role, won’t get it.

I went back and forth on who to lash out against over this information. It’s hard to blame Wahlberg for taking a job, and maybe Russell just wanted to hire his friend (these two have worked together a number of times).

Ultimately, I had to target both men, not only because they contributed to depriving Nathan Fillion of a role, but because a cursory glance of their Wikipedia pages indicates that both men are complete ass-piles.

Marky Mark can be blamed for this, as well as his performances in Planet of the Apes and Max Payne. Also, when he was a teenager, Wahlberg robbed a pharmacy, and followed it up by knocking a man unconscious and blinding another man in one eye. Oh, and he fractured someone’s jaw for no reason when he was 21.

David O. Russell is apparently about as fun to hang around with. He had a screaming meltdown during the filming of I Heart Huckabees in which he repeatedly swore at Lily Tomlin before doing a little set-trashing and then locking himself in his office.

An even more astounding incident occurred between Russell and George Clooney during the filming of Three Kings. Clooney stood up to Russell after he had been hassling workers, and Russell did the mature thing by replying “Why don’t you just worry about your fucked-up acting?! You’re being a dick. You want to hit me? You want to hit me? Come on, pussy, hit me” and then grabbing Clooney by the throat. The only good to come out of all this is that Clooney responded by beating Russell down.

So there you have it folks. Nathan Fillion missed out on a job because an abusive director wanted to hire his untalented buddy instead.

Image: Uncharted Drake’s Fortune box art. Copyright SCE.

Further confirming my opinion of leveling creatures being WotC-sanctioned cheating, here we have Echo Mage.

This dickhat here has true potential to royally fuck up any game. After being leveled, all you need is the usual control deck double blue to fire any spell for a second time. After a little more leveling, you get to copy the original spell twice. This includes any of your own bitchy blue control spells as well as your opponent’s. And to top it all off, for a wizard, he is pretty damn tough with a toughness of 3-5 and requires serious effort for removal. But then he just copies your removal spells anyway.

That’s right folks, the days of honorable beasts, zombies, and elephants duking it out is forever over,  Magic has fallen into a hate-spiral of trickery. If you meet anyone playing with Echo Mage in their deck, tell them, from me, that they are a penis.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Well, here in Alberta, winter has finally showed up to hit us in the face with it’s big frosty backhand. I don’t know why, but we always seem surprised by it.

With snow forcing me to shovel my driveway and take loads of extra time driving to get anywhere, I’m currently joining many of my fellow Albertans in cursing winter. But I know it’s not all bad. There are parts of winter that are good, even great.

So remind me: What is the Best Part of Winter?

Image: Adapted from Just a reminder of the long cold winter we had….. by Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi under a CC-BY license.

Until today, I had no idea that the house that kids-who-wear-shit-on-their-wrists built was selling t-shirts featuring the “Rageguy” internet meme. You know, that’s the MS Paint doodle of a rather unhappy man declaring “FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-.”

Such a brazen misappropriation of “internet culture” alone warrants the title of Shameful Human(s). This is a large corporation looking to profit on the culture of others. Think of the products associated with any culture or subculture. It’s the difference between members of a culture selling their own, “authentic” art, and cheap knock-offs sold by others. Is it okay for 4chan and other sites to make ad revenue off posts containing “Rageguy”? Sure, those sites are on the “inside.” Hot Topic is decidedly not.

Having said that, Hot Topic has gotten a lot more shameful in recent days over this. 4chan decided to get involved, “taking back” the Rageguy meme by associating it with racism under “Operation: Black Rage.” The image board’s community decided to turn “Rageguy” into a racist, plastering the internet with the meme’s new direction. They then contacted anyone who would listen to claim that Hot Topic was selling material associated with/promoting racism.

The company announced some 19 hours ago that it would cease to sell Rageguy shirts due to the character’s new direction. 14 hours later, the company reversed its decision, refusing to “cave to bad people doing bad things.”

It should seem obvious at this point that Hot Topic is more interested in maintaining profit (thus the decision to stick with Rageguy) than adhering to the desires of the community which created him. This also exposes Hot Topic as a disconnected exploiter of the subcultures which it seeks to associate with. If Hot Topic were really on the “inside” of internet culture, it would recognize Raceguy as a force for internet justice and keep selling his products.

Source: GeekOSystem

Now here’s a badass equipment from the new Scars of Mirrodin set. Strata Scythe is an angry piece of weaponry that imbues the dude holding it with the power of your lands. It won me a few games at a recent casual draft I attended.

It’s perfect for those of us (me) who are mono-colour, basic-land playing “noobs,” uninterested in fancy-pants non-basics. You get this thing out a few turns in and throw it on something (anything) with evasion, and you’ve got yourself one lethal scythe-wielder.

Now one mild disappointment is that this thing cares about the names of lands, not the types of lands. That means no tricks with adding additional types to your opponent’s lands and getting your Strata Scythe holding dude even juicier. It’s especially odd considering Wizards’ recent obsession with card types, but I’ll live with it.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Every day of our lives is made up of little things. The combinations of sensations that we experience every second all add up to our present, and make our days into what they are.

People always say to enjoy these little things. So this week I want to know what are the little things about your day that you enjoy. It can be anything, from your morning coffee to walking barefoot on freshly vacuumed carpet. A couple of mine are:

1. That second right after you clean your ears with a Q-tip.
2. That first sip of Coke out of an ice-cold can.

What’s so good about your day? What are the  Little Things That You Enjoy?

Image: Adapted from Enjoy : ) Sunrise July 11, 2010 by ChR!s H@rR!0t under a CC-BY license.

When Gaudio got in contact with Cooks Source, Griggs blasted back with an astoundingly ignorant and condescending email that interneters the world over have come to marvel at:

Yes Monica, I have been doing this for 3 decades, having been an editor at The Voice, Housitonic Home and Connecticut Woman Magazine. I do know about copyright laws. It was “my bad” indeed, and, as the magazine is put together in long sessions, tired eyes and minds somethings forget to do these things.

But honestly Monica, the web is considered “public domain” and you should be happy we just didn’t “lift” your whole article and put someone else’s name on it! It happens a lot, clearly more than you are aware of, especially on college campuses, and the workplace. If you took offence and are unhappy, I am sorry, but you as a professional should know that the article we used written by you was in very bad need of editing, and is much better now than was originally. Now it will work well for your portfolio. For that reason, I have a bit of a difficult time with your requests for monetary gain, albeit for such a fine (and very wealthy!) institution. We put some time into rewrites, you should compensate me! I never charge young writers for advice or rewriting poorly written pieces, and have many who write for me… ALWAYS for free!

That’s right, apparently the internet is public domain now. And us online writers are of such a desperate and unclean bread that we should appreciate merely having our work lifted by “real world” editors like Griggs, so that they may edit our work and profit on it.

Following the outpouring of internet rage that came from Gaudio’s explanation of events, more digging led to the discovery that Griggs and her magazine have ripped off everyone from Martha Stewart to NPR.

Cooks Source has been sort of apologetic about the events described above, or sorry they got caught, anyway. In a pseudo-apology appearing on the magazine’s website, they attack crusaders for internet justice, blame overworked writers and untrustworthy submitters, and play victim as much as possible.

A worthy edition to any arsenal, the Sword of Vengeance cuts a bloody swath through any and all that might stand against it.

Wielded by one of your chosen champions this impressive blade will enable you to quickly deal death upon your opponent, making your creature an almost unstoppable force able to defend your valued person and attack your cowering enemies at the same time. If carried by one of your weaker fiends, there is no quicker way to go from zero to hero.

But of course, one of the best attributes of this card is that should the bearer of the Sword be bested in combat after being swarmed under by a horde of masturbating goblins, your other minions will be lining up to raise the sword in their own hands, anxious to continue raining hasted, vigilant, first striking and trampling damage all over the damn place.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

It’s that time again, the traditional name of my birth month is being violated by hipsters who think it’s okay to mess with the name of a perfectly good month. This will only lead to more confusion as more hippie groups come up with more causes that need to be supported on the tired shoulders of 30 or 31 consecutive days (Or maybe just 28. February’s always seemed like a bit of a pussy to me.).

But seriously, November is here again and the event of Movember is in full swing, with men everywhere growing themselves a moustache in a battle for manly supremacy. And to promote awareness of prostate cancer, can’t forget that. So my question this week is simply: Are you participating in Movember? If yes, what is the target style? I wish I could pull off the fu-man chu.

Image: Adapted from caterpillars by istolethetv under a CC-BY license.

This week’s entry into the hallowed halls of the Magic Card of the Week is this total bastard, Abyssal Persecutor.

Worst case, the Persecution begins on the fourth turn, with this massive behemoth dropping its gigantic mass in front of your early game creatures, then proceeding to mercilessly pummel you into oblivion. This mythical asshat can be the key to total battlefield control, an unstoppable force of bat-winged dickery. When your life total is no longer an issue and your morale is in ruins, your opponent further embarass you by destroying his own creature, lifting the curse of your undeath, and delivering a malicious shit-eating grin.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

This week’s Interneter is InsaneGuyofDOOM, the infamous Red Shirt Guy who stood up at Blizzcon 2010′s “Quests and Lore” Q&A to ask a very important question. It would seem there was a discrepancy between a WoW novel and the game regarding the character of Falstad Wildhammer, and Mr. Red Shirt wanted to know what was up with that.

Now, Blizzard has rewarded this proud Interneter for his bravery and attention to detail with his own NPC, Wildhammer Fact Checker, along with correcting the issue raised. Well, maybe. Obsessed fact checkers are claiming the screenshot to the right is fake as well.

InsaneGuyofDOOM has also taken the time to explain his somewhat strange voice during the conference. Red Shirt has confessed to having the internet’s favourite malady, Asperger’s syndrome. His nervousness combined with this led him to take on the well-known monotone-complaining-nerd voice.

Red Shirt Guy, for your grace under pressure, your depth of World of Warcraft knowledge, and your humble reaction to internet stardom, Shufflingdead salutes you.

Image: Imgur. Blizzard Entertainment.

So aparticularperson is about to embark on an epic adventure to Nepal. What is she going to do there? I don’t know, probably teach some Buddhist monks to read English or some shit.

But this gets me thinking: if you could go anywhere, where would you go? What amazing trip do you play out in your mind? If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be, what would you do, and why?

Image: Adapted from Parmiter Antiques Southsea Luggage by geishaboy500 under a CC-BY license.

I don’t mean to be one of those “think of the children” types, but I can’t help but declare this week’s Shameful Humans to be a pair of gamers who took things too far.

First up is Alexandra V. Tobias. She’s a 22-year-old former mother from Jacksonville, Florida who shook her baby to death for interrupting her FarmVille play session. Apparently, the mundane and repetitive tasks of being mother to a three-month-old were distracting her from the mundane and repetitive tasks of playing FarmVille.

The other shameful human this week is a Mr. Gundam.werra. He’s the manager of Team Werra, a Korean professional StarCraft team who abused his high school aged teammates. Werra’s crew is apparently falling apart following the accusations of one [bunch o' characters].Werra, who left after being sexually assaulted by Gundam. Since then, a couple more members have come forward to claim similar offenses. They avoided speaking out before, not wanting to be kicked from the team.

Image: Tobias, The Florida Times-Union

The gaming industry sure has produced a lot of hardware over the years. Some good, some bad. So this week at shufflingdead.com, we want to know what your favorite consoles have been and, even more importantly, what your least favorite have been.

Did you buy a Virtual Boy? Any of the innumerable Gameboys or other handhelds? Did you sleep with your N64 under the pillow, or just get into gaming when the jocks who beat you up in highschool made the Xbox cool and played Madden all day? What is the enjoyment value of a Gamecube? And come on, how awesome was the PS2? I know, right?

We want your bests and worsts. Tell us why you did or didn’t buy a console. What are the Best and Worst Consoles?

Image: Adapted from XBox 360 Fun by Dave_B_ under a CC-BY license.

The mind boggles with the number of uses for this card. Whether you’re using it to load up some free damage onto your opponent’s ugly face or slamming him or her with an embarrassing deck or poison kill, Distortion Strike is maddeningly ferocious.

One land gets you a rebounding sorcery giving a creature a free pass on delivering some hate to someone who deserves it. Twice.

Image: Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

Well, it’s October, and once again, I have no idea what I am being for Halloween. For me, Halloween costumes are usually done the day-of, halfheartedly.

I’m told some of you crazy people actually put effort and thought into this event every year, though, so I’m curious: What Are You Being For Halloween? A Slutty Cat? A Slutty Cop? A Slutty Pumpkin? Or even a No-Beard Riker?

Image: Adapted from On the Phone by rkelland under a CC-BY-SA license. Yes, you can use this image if you similarly Share Alike!

This week’s Shameful Human is Kazunori Yamauchi. He’s the guy who created the Gran Turismo series, and the designer of the (still) upcoming Gran Turismo 5.

Yamauchi’s apparent dedication, or perhaps obsession, with “perfection” has resulted in an ever-ballooning development period for GT5 that never seems to end. The game was revealed in 2006, but work had begun way back in 2004. Its original release date was going to be March 2010, but that was eventually pushed to early November, where it stayed until today. The game has now been delayed again, knocked back to an unspecified date “this holiday season.”

The official PlayStation Blog claims “creator Kazunori Yamauchi and the team at Polyphony Digital want to make certain they are creating the perfect racing experience,” but I must, of course, take serious issue with the use of the word “perfect” as it relates to anything Gran Turismo. Frankly, the games may very well represent the pinnacle of realistic driving recreated in video game form, but realism is often the opposite of fun when it comes to games.

Can you imagine if SimCity was about quibbling with the crotchety old residents living on the land you want to build a road over? Or if Mario was about clawing shit out of clogged toilets? Yamauchi’s obsession with recreating real-world tracks, cars, and physics is the racing genre equivalent. “Perfect” would be giving players something fun to do, not allowing them the chance to tediously steer around large ovals.

Source: PlayStation Blog
Image: Thankfully released into public domain by SpoonerTuner.

In light of the disastrous and unforeseen results regarding my question of Star Wars vs. Star Trek, I’ve decided that all of you Trekkies need to fight it out amongst yourselves. So my question is simply this: Kirk or Picard?

Which Starfleet Captain has more courage to boldly go where no man has gone before? Which one more cunningly defies the odds to protect the Federation? Which one beats up more aliens? Who is better? Captain James Kirk or Captain Jean-Luc Picard? Showdown time.

This week’s Shameful Human is the famous bassist and vocalist for KISS, Gene Simmons. Gene recently appeared at the MIPCOM convention, where he took the opportunity to attack music pirates, proclaiming “Sue everybody. Take their homes, their cars.”

Simmons argued that “hundreds of thousands” of people are out of jobs due to a music industry that has collapsed under the weight of “fresh-faced, freckle-faced college kid[s].” If it weren’t for those meddling kids, I suppose the ubiquitous KISS brand would be on upcoming hi-definition television sets by now. Oh sorry, that is happening.

Gene Simmons, whose bland and repetitive music continues to support an apparently lavish lifestyle (if the bland and repetitive “reality” series Gene Simmons Family Jewels is to be believed), claims the music industry lacked “balls” when internet music piracy began. Simmons explained that allowing one cute fox to steal one egg will quickly lead to swarms of foxes overrunning your farm, killing your chickens, causing your wife and kids to leave you, and destroying every business connected to your farm.

What Simmons seems to have missed in his parable are the parts where the farmer “egg”-regiously overcharged for his product, refused to change when his customers demanded new ways of buying their eggs, lacked respect or appreciation for his hens, and repeatedly insulted the most passionate omelet munchers.

[source]

Dear Scarlett Johansson,

What up Scarlett? Did you know that we’re almost the same age? Yup, you’re just eight days younger than me. Seeing as how we’re so close and all, I thought I’d take a minute to critique your body of work. You are mega hot almost beyond compare, but I think you could do some things to improve your career.

Honestly Scarlett, I think I was compelled to write this letter because I feel a little guilty. You were in my all-time third favourite movie, Ghost World, but I always had a much bigger crush on your co-star, Thora Birch. She was topless in American Beauty though, so maybe that’s been biasing me all these years. Just a thought, you should consider doing some nude work to rectify this.

You were also in my sixth favourite movie of all-time, Lost in Translation, but I always had a much bigger crush on your co-star, Bill Murray. His deadpan… everything is what did it for me. Actually, I don’t really have any advice for this one. No offense, but don’t even try to compete with that.

The only other movie I can remember seeing you in was the god-awful atrocity The Other Boleyn Girl. I’ve never seen so many poor English accents come out of so many American actors before. To your credit, your bad accent was exceptionally less bad and less distracting than Natalie Portman’s. If you see her, please tell her to stop doing bad English accents.

If you ever feel like marrying another Canadian, let me know,
Newbs

Nerds have a lot of reputations, most of them unsavory. Between the hygiene issues, social awkwardness, dietary tendencies and porn addictions, some are pretty gross individuals. But today isn’t about judging.

Today I want to know why nerds will retreat to their basement to create their nest. There are other rooms in the house. Is it because their mom won’t let them have a computer or a TV in their room? Is it the ease with which a couple of small drapes can create a world of darkness to enhance their manic gameplay? Is it the slightly cooler temperature to keep nerd sweat under control? Is it the illusion of solitude, broken only when their mom comes down to do the laundry? Or is it all of these things, combining to creating a dungeon atmosphere, living in dark solitude getting further and further disconnected from reality, living only through WoW and surviving on Cool Ranch Doritos and Jolt?

We at Shufflingdead want to know. Why the Basement?