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Sonic has destroyed the internet

February 18, 2011 News 1 Comment

Newbs is in the midst of an arts and crafts project in which he is finger painting a slogan from a children’s TV program on a large sheet of paper. It would appear he needs my help now more than ever, but I’m feeling lazy.

Grimace in horror at the video embedded above. If you’ve ever wanted to find out who the 10 hottest female furry abominations from Sonic the Hedgehog are, you’re in luck. The top rated YouTube comment on this one is “Looks like its suicide again? for me.” Sounds about right.

Jiffy’s Lazy Links: Oh Mario Edition

February 15, 2011 News No Comments

Hey kids, Jiffy here. Last time I checked, Newbs was busy placing stickers on spray-painted piping. I take that to mean the madness continues and I need to fill in again.

Some guy named Aaron Barr worked really hard to infiltrate Anonymous and take down WikiLeaks on behalf of corporate and government interests.

A video game has won a Grammy. The prize went to Christopher Tin’s “Baba Yetu” from Civilization IV.

The newest and greatest blog of user-submitted content is Fat, Ugly or Slutty. The site is dedicated to revealing the ignorance women encounter online. The latest entry as I write this: “bake me a cake cankles.”

The X-Men: First Class trailer is actually pretty cool. We’ll see if the movie will turn out as well June 3, 2011.

Metacritic has compiled a list of the worst games of 2010 by major publishers. Nintendo’s worst was AquaSpace, a WiiWare game I’ve never heard of. Also available are a number of graphs illustrating which “pubs” bring the most “lish” to gaming.

Analysts love the way Activision kills franchises

February 14, 2011 News No Comments

Image: Guitar Hero World Tour box art. Activision.

Following Activision’s announcement that the Guitar Hero brand is over, Industry Gamers spoke to a number of business analysts to discuss the issue. They wanted to find out if Call of Duty might be the next victim of milking.

Billy Pidgeon of M2 Research praised Activision for the way they handled the Guitar Hero franchise, saying “strip-mining franchises is a successful, risk-averse strategy.” He also gave mad props for Activision’s “hit it and quit it model” which he described as “carpet-bombing the market with sequels.”

Just a reminder folks: games are not art, and customers are not worthy of respect.

Other analysts gave more reasoned, less grotesque answers, which you can read by clicking the link below. Internet sensation Michael Pachter, for example, explained that the difference between the franchises is that Guitar Hero was a game people bought once with their console, whereas Call of Duty has a strong and well developed community that keeps momentum for the series going.

Source: Industry Gamers

CityVille has 100,000,000 players

February 12, 2011 News No Comments

Image: CityVille. Zynga.

CityVille is Facebook’s latest game craze. It comes from Zynga, makers of the infamous FarmVille.

But what IS the game? Judging by this video, it’s Sim City for four year-olds. Presumably with a bunch of micro-transactions available to keep you paying. In other words: terrible, at least until Launch Arcologies are introduced.

Beyond the massive player count, the game boasts a wealth of other disturbing stats. 100 million players = 1/5 of Facebook’s entirety of users. It’s players make up 1/3 of the mighty Zynga’s player base. Zynga’s second place competitor (for money-sucking, information stealing casual shit) wields a collected player base of half that of CityVille‘s alone.

I once feared Madden players. Forum trolls have long bashed the Wii. All the while, gaming’s true enemy was breeding an army hidden in plain sight.

Source: Social Game Central

Jiffy’s Lazy Links: Fake Found Footage Edition

February 10, 2011 News No Comments

The internet is hard work, and Newbs is worn out. That’s why I, your friend Jiffy the Intern, is here to blast your face with some links while our intrepid hero takes a mental break. I have to; stupid shit waits for no man.

David O. Russell continues to waste his time developing the Uncharted movie. He’s talking about cramming Wahlberg and De Niro into some kind of treasure-hunting crime family story. We’ll see if the Oscar nominated director can finally make the world’s first 50%+ rated video game movie.

Mascot and fake Sony executive Kevin Butler, or whoever operates his Twitter account, was Twitter-bated into sending out the PS3’s security key. You know, the one Sony thinks they can wholly yank from the internet.

The critical consensus is in for Broadway show “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark”: it blows like Peter Parker’s web shooters after catching a glimpse of shirtless Mary Jane through her bedroom window.

Body modder Alex Finch has gotten six Pokéballs tattooed on his arm, and six subdermal implants to go with them. They almost look real.

The X-Box makes people do terrible things. For 11 year-old Brendan Jordan, it made him burden his working class mom with a ¬£1000+ X-Box Live bill. While we’re here, I should point out that Gawker media, which includes the linked-to Kotaku, recently introduced the world to an unnavigable design for their websites.

Activision is officially done with Guitar Hero. The franchise, which kicked off the wildly succesful music game craze just a few years ago, rapidly faded after being milked for all the plastic accesory dollars it could give. Personnel who previously worked on the franchise are either being let go or transferred to other projects. This is what happens when you “exploit” your franchises, Bobby.

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