Do I really need to say anything? Sony just re-revealed their PlayStation motion device, now officially called the PlayStation Move. The device is in every way a clone of the Wii, and what that system did three and a half years ago, sans class, innovation, and aesthetic appeal.
Sony plans to underwhelm audiences this holiday season with Wii rip-offs like Sports Champions (you can probably guess what that title apes). Expect a package including a PS Eye (needed for this new device), PlayStation Move, and a game to retail for under $100. Bits and pieces of that package will also be available for lesser amounts.
The nunchuck attachment, which you can see alongside the Move pictured above, will be sold separately, and is called the PlayStation Move Subcontroller. Not kidding. Does Sony genuinely believe the casual audience which has embraced the Wii is in any way interested, or even capable of pronouncing, the “PlayStation Move Subcontroller”?
Rumor has it that famed girl-kisser Katy Perry is in talks to voice the sole female Smurf, Smurfette, in the upcoming live-action/CG-animated major motion picture The Smurfs.
Hey, if that’s true, I can’t disagree with the choice, although the very concept of a CG Smurfs movie scares me more than a little. Consider this: the original Smurfs were pretty friendly looking guys when they were simple 2D animations, but what would they look like as detailed 3D renders? Maybe it’s just the more carefully illustrated Smurfette images I just dredged up on Google Image search still haunting me, but I can’t picture these things being anything other than bulging blue abominations.
Perry would join Alan Cumming, George Lopez, and original Smurf-voicer Jonathan Winters as a Smurf, along with whatever human Neil Patrick Harris is signed up to play. No word on who will be playing Gargamel yet.
Following his pronouncement earlier this year that “those games they call ‘PlayStation’ are poison… some games teach you to kill,” Venezuela’s socialist president has returned for another round of game-hating.
Last Wednesday, a new law came into effect in his country called the “Prohibition of Violent Video Games and Toys,” and it pretty much precludes anyone from having any fun in Venezuela. Here are some of the new law’s highlights:
1. Violent video games: Video games or programs that can be use on personal computers, arcade systems, video game consoles, portable devices or mobile telephones, or any other electronic or telephonic device, that contain information or images that promote or incite violence and the use of weapons.
2. Violent toys: Objects or instruments that in form mimic any kind of weapon used by the National Bolivarian Armed Forces, weapons of war used by any other nation, citizen or state security forces, as well as those that, though not promoting war, establish the kind of game that stimulates aggressiveness or violence.
Article 13. Those who in any way promote the purchase or use of violent toys or video games as defined by this law will be punished with a fine of between 2,000 and 4,000 tax units.
Article 14. Those who import, manufacture, sell, rent, or distribute violent toys or video games will be punished with 3 to 5 years in prison.
This law seems rather broad. In addition to violent video games, it sounds like kids won’t have access to any kind of toy guns or toys with guns. Mr. Hugo Chavez must not have had a childhood.
The King of Kong is a film I find myself recalling often, being amused and entertained by it all the time, even without re-watching it. It turns out I’m not the only one who was moved by the movie, so was 35-year-old plastic surgeon Hank Chien. He started playing Donkey Kong after seeing the movie, and now he’s the new world champion.
Before the movie, Chien had played Kong once, and dismissed it, thinking “this game stinks.” After seeing the film, though, Chien decided to have another go, and began playing seriously in November 2008. By September of 2009 he had managed to score over a million points, and by February of 2010 he was feeling confident about breaking the record.
Chien’s record setting score stands at 1 061 700, a mere 11 500 points beyond famed mullet-man Billy Mitchell’s infamous record.
Chien’s great taste doesn’t end with film and classic games, it also extends to modern games. He’s a big fan of Super Mario Galaxy.
Sarah Palin, my sworn nemesis, recently visited the city of my birth to give a paid speech to throngs of adoring morons willing to pay $150-200 to bask in the glory of her ignorance.
Calgary is the galactic central core of Canadian conservatism, so it shouldn’t be too surprising that many residents would be fans of a woman who opposes “dangerous” ideals like universal health care. Speaking of which, Palin remarked during her talk that she was taken into Canada for health care during her childhood. She called that fact “ironic,” but I’m surprised she didn’t call it “confusing.” After all, according to Palin, Canadian-style health care is nothing but rationing and death panels. How the hell did she make it out alive?
The Globe and Mail profiled one fan in particular in their coverage of this event, someone named Stephanie Hansen; her story is especially disturbing. Hansen is an 18-year-old who visited the event wearing a pin with Palin’s face on it. She called the talk “enlightening,” despite admitting that she isn’t very knowledgeable about Palin’s politics. She explained “I admire how she can have a family and still be able to work as much as she does and everything she does.” It’s easy Stephanie; she doesn’t waste her time thinking.
Of the 1 200 who attended, about half gave Palin a standing ovation. For what, I’m not entirely sure, although I would guess it had something to do with her affirming their own misguided beliefs.
People with the discerning sort of taste like mine who have seen 1995’s Hackers a dozen or more times will be very familiar with the film’s villain, one Eugene “The Plague” Belford. The actor who played Mr. The Plague is named Fisher Stevens, and he was all kinds of awesome in the 80s and 90s, also starring in classics like Short Circuit and Super Mario Bros.
Well, it seems this villainous looking goateed man wasn’t doomed to obscurity like I had assumed, he’s actually become a successful director, and he just won an Oscar for producing 2009’s Best Documentary Feature, The Cove. Fisher’s film takes a look at Japanese dolphin hunting in Taiji, Wakayama with an opposing view. You wouldn’t think a man who looks like a cartoon villain would be capable of that kind of compassion, but Fisher is a surprising man. Then again, his film has been quite controversial in Japan, with the mayor of Taiji saying it makes claims “not backed up by scientific proof.”
The best films of 2009 were supposedly honoured last night at the 82nd Academy Awards. The experts rightly guessed that The Hurt Locker would pick up the Best Director and Best Picture awards. Those results come as sweet relief for me, I was convinced the academy wouldn’t be able to help themselves give Cameron a chance to make an ass of himself on stage.
Sadly, the real best picture of the year, Star Trek only picked up one award, although it was the first for the series. That award was for Best Makeup, and perhaps as a small consolation to nerds everywhere, Ben Stiller came out to present it in full Avatar-makeup. District 9, last night’s other sci-fi underdog didn’t pick up a single award, demonstrating once again the horrendous bias against science fiction the academy holds.
All-time coolest dude Jeff Bridges won Best Actor, which I can definitely live with. I was hoping for anyone but Sandra Bullock to win Best Actress, and so, of course, she did.
Following an outcry from the ignorant masses, the Canadian federal government has backed down from the idea that the national anthem should be altered in order to make the line “in all thy sons command” gender neutral. The original wording of the anthem contained an easy alternative: “thou dost in us command” which sounds better anyway, but to the public at large it’s apparently preferable to maintain entrenched sexism from a time in which Canadian women weren’t allowed to vote. It’s tradition, you see.
The idea of changing the even more blatantly unnecessary and woefully prejudiced line “God keep our land glorious and free!” wasn’t tabled, despite its inclusion lacking even the “tradition” excuse, having only been added in 1968.
As is tradition right before the Oscars, the worst films of 2009 have been dishonoured at the annual Razzie Awards. The big winner/loser this year was, most deservedly, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which was awarded worst screenplay, worst director, and yes, worst picture of 2009.
My hatred for Sandra Bullock has weakened slightly due to these awards, she actually showed up to accept her Razzie, she won worst actress for her role in All About Steve. You can see the video above. Other dishonourees included The Jonas Brothers as worst actor(s) for their performance in Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience, Billy Ray Cyrus as worst supporting actor for Hannah Montana: The Movie, and Sienna Miller with worst supporting actress for her work in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.
This year, The Razzies celebrated their 30th anniversary by naming some of the worst in film for the decade just past. Battlefield Earth was named worst picture of the decade, Eddie Murphy was awarded worst actor of the decade for more roles than I can list, and Paris Hilton won worst actress of the decade for performances like her turn as “the hottie” in The Hottie & The Nottie.
Brooklyn’s population of filthy hipsters has a problem: they’re getting old, and that means the inevitable divide between those with, and those without horrible miscreant children has crept into their insatiable appetite for supporting local drink houses.
Apparently, babies are technically allowed in New York bars, and tight-sweatered indie-as-fuck types like Matt Gross just love heading down to the local pub for a pint with their spawn in tow. Of course, bars are also the destination of choice for the lonely, single, drunken, rowdy, and horny of the world, and they don’t mix well with children. The two groups have clashed repeatedly in recent times over things like bans on buggies in bars.
It seems the breeders have found their sense of entitlement grow to such Brobdingnagian proportions that they now see no reason not to encroach on the last piece of sacred, adults-only ground in society. It’s astounding to me that this has been allowed to occur at all, don’t New York bars ID?
March 10th, 2010 by 
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