Local ShufflingDeaders can click here to view the Event Guide for the 2011 Nerd Olympics.

A special message from Newbs: We posted an opt-out sheet at Nerd Olympics for those who didn’t want to appear in the videos, but no such sheet was available for photos. We’ve never had a problem posting pictures from previous Nerd Olympics, but if you don’t want your picture to appear in this article, or on Shufflingdead more broadly, please let me know. For the Shufflingdead readership sick of hearing about Nerd Olympics, don’t worry, this article will be it until next year.

This year’s official slogan came from the classic film and Nerd Olympics favourite, Starship Troopers:

The INOC kicked off Nerd Olympics 2010 with a rousing speech:

Settlers of Catan was a brief, but intense, event this year:

Ian the Limey refueling after a tough day of competition. Note the many, many liquor bottles surrounding him, they may or may not have been his:

sulci and Lindsey breaking down gender barriers as they face off for second place in the Magic: the Gathering Legacy tournament:

Weskimo dishes out some insurmountable questions during the Nerd Trivia event:

Our overall champions show great respect for one another:

The crowd gathers to honour the passing of yet another splendorous Nerd Olympics:

And now, for the parade of champions:

Special honourary awards:
Thanks: to Matt from Gamers Alley & Videos as Nerd Olympics’ first official sponsor
Sweatiest Nerd Fucker: Doug, for horrendous smell
Best Food Contribution: Leigh, for nachos
Bill Award: Clare, Kris, and Lindsey, for giving up their personal living spaces
Bullshit Award: Doug, for Magic
Worst/Best Drunken Showing: Leigh, for donkey punching her enemies and then passing out
Biggest Whiner: Ian the Limey
Hottest Attendee: DMUSER
Worst Medical Emergency: Brentor
Extracurricular Contributions: sulci, for the Event Guide, filming, and event preview articles
Out of Fucking Nowhere Award: sulci and Lindsey, for their Magic performances
Biggest Upset: Chantal, for destroying Weskimo in SNK vs. Capcom

To my fellow athletes: I look forward to seeing you on the battlefield at Nerd Olympics 2011. Nerd Olympics gets better every year, and 2010 was no exception, which means 2011 will rock socks and melt faces even more so than this year’s event.

Have a look at Shufflingdead’s video coverage of Nerd Olympics 2010:

This year, sulci was kind enough to write-up event descriptions for all the grueling tests our athletes would be competing in, you can check them out here:
Nerd Olympics 2010 Games Preview Part I
Nerd Olympics 2010 Games Preview Part II
Nerd Olympics 2010 Games Preview Part III

Mario Kart Wii
The sixth game in the Mario Kart series, Mario Kart Wii adds motorcycles, a bunch of new characters, and a huge collection of 32 tracks to race on. The Wii version also allows you to steer your cart or bike with a steering wheel, although Nerd Olympians will have the option to use Classic Controller as well.

This year the INOC has decided to run 4 player races on random maps. Items will be set to strategic (no shells). The top two players of each heat move on to the finals. Tiebreakers will be a single run on the course Delfino, so make sure you practice that one. You can practice Mario Kart on any Nintendo console.

Halo 3
Halo 3, released in 2007, is one of the most popular Xbox 360 games of all time. It is a first person console shooter with critically acclaimed multiplayer modes. Contributing to the space marine fever, players can take advantage of a multitude of guns, grenades, melee weapons, and duel wielding in order to protect humanity from the threat of some other aliens which have formed a military alliance known as the Covenant.

Get ready for some 4-player free-for-alls in the Narrows at this year’s INOC. Rounds will end when someone hits 10 points, with the top two players moving on. You can Practice Halo 3 on Xbox 360, and other games in the Halo series on Xbox or PC.

Rock Band 2
Armed with a constantly growing library of songs and some very popular instrument peripherals, Rock Band 2 is a test of musical ability, coordination, and co-operation with fellow band players. And I use co-operation very lightly, as in just play well enough to not fuck the other players over and make me revive your ass again. Add to the mix terrible (somewhat human looking) character models and cheesy, flashy backgrounds and you have an addictive, fun to play music game.

At NO 2010 we will be competing in groups of 3 (no bass). These bands will be randomly put together and playing in a 1 vs 1 single elimination tournament, consisting of a 2-song set list. The band with the best score moves on. Practice Rock Band on your Xbox 360, Playstation, Wii, NDS or iphone. Also make sure to study the set lists.

Nerd Trivia
For Nerd Trivia, players will be divided into 3 person random teams. Questions will be derived from Nerd Culture and thus, according to my intelligence (no pun intended), the Nerdiest or Geekiest Nerd shall reign supreme.

There is no way you can practice for this event, you are either a walking Nerd Culture encyclopedia already or not. Although you could always open that Star Trek: Scene it? that you got last Christmas, and watch the DVD for a bit. Even though you already know all the answers.

Hopefully, this has given you a helpful overview of a few more of the games you can anticipate playing at Nerd Olympics 2010. You must start training now if you want to have any hope of competing in the grueling struggle for victory. I expect most of you will put in at least an hour of game play per day, per game to compete with the likes of Nerd Olympics 2009 champions Psycho Limey, David, DMUSER, Nicholas Picholas, Zed, Kris, drunkensausage, G, Weskimo, and Jon, who dominated these games last year. By now you should have no life outside of practicing these games.

If you know of any additional means of practicing, please comment with your suggestions. Good luck with all your training, and hope to see you at the 2010 Games.

Warcraft III: Frozen Throne Tower Defense
In this year’s Blizzard Strategy category at Nerd Olympics 2010, we will be playing the Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne Element 3.0 tower defense map. Warcraft III is known for Blizzard’s epic story telling and instantly recognizable UI and gameplay. In Tower Defense mode you must place and upgrade towers to survive waves of enemies (called creeps), carefully investing earned resources into new buildings and research.

The top two players out of each 8 player preliminary will move on to the final round. Warcraft III is exclusively for PC, but you can also practice with the immensely popular Element TD flash game.

Settlers of Catan
Settlers of Catan is one of the most popular European-style board games in existence, and the only board game at Nerd Olympics 2010. Players build settlements and collect resources which they then trade for building supplies or random game cards that give special bonuses. The goal of the game is to get to be the first person to collect 10 victory points, which are awarded for various achievements, like building stuff and amassing armies.

The INOC has decided to run two 6 player games, with the top 3 players of each competing in the final round. Preregistration is required – so sign up quickly. You can practice this game in real life, or on Xbox Live Arcade, NDS, the iPhone, and in various PC versions. Find a good rundown of the rules here.

Magic the Gathering
Magic is a collectible card game in which you control various creatures, spells, and other abilities and attempt to defeat your opponents by reducing their life points from 20 to 0 first. Lands are played each turn and are use subsequently to tap for mana and play various other cards which require a certain amount of mana to play. A player’s deck of cards is constructed out of one or a combination of the 5 different colours (white, blue, black, red, and green), all of which have a different theme and play style.

The INOC has decided to host two Magic the Gathering tournaments this year: Legacy and Draft.

In Legacy format, players must own their own deck to play and very few cards are illegal. Decks must have a minimum of 60 cards, with no more than 4 copies of the same card, aside from basic land. Sideboards are not permitted in Nerd Olympics 2010, so plan carefully. The Legacy tournament will have randomly assigned 4 player pools, with the top player of each pool moving on to the final pool. Life totals will be recorded and used as the tiebreaker within each pool should a tie occur.

In Draft format players construct their cards by opening booster packs and taking a card, then passing the booster pack to the person next to them. You then select a card from the pack that was passed to you, until there are no cards left. You can supplement your drafted cards with however many basic land cards as you wish. Your deck must be at least 40 cards in size. There will be a $10 buy-in to play in Draft to cover the cost of the booster packs and you will end up with 45 new cards. The tournament will have randomly assigned 4-6 player pools, with the top player of each pool moving on to the final pool. You should supply your own basic land cards, if possible.

Practice Magic the Gathering with friends, solo, on the Xbox 360, PSP, or PC, including MTG online. You can also practice your Booster Drafting skills with the official Draft Simulator tool. Newbs also has some MTG tips on his Youtube channel and here on shufflingdead.com.

Tetris
Everyone knows how to play Tetris: create as many rows as you can without gaps, clearing up to 4 at a time to create a Tetris. In the multiplayer version, clearing several lines at ones causes horizontal rows to rise from the bottom of your opponents’ screens, causing potentially deadly gaps to ruin their games and ensuring your own victory.

NO 2010 will feature a 4 player single elimination tournament, with the top two players moving on. You can practice on any console, cellphone that can run small java apps, or with any of the bazillion flash based games online. As if you bastards need practice!

Bomberman ’93
Another classic arcade game to be featured at NO 2010 is Bomberman ’93. The goal of the game is simple, blow up the other players by strategically placing bombs and keep yourself alive. In Bomberman ’93, multiplayer mode has levels which contain power-ups as well as skulls, which are detrimental if picked up.

At NO 2010 the Bomberman event is a 4 player single elimination tournament, with the top two players moving on. You can practice Bomberman ’93 on a TurboGrafx-16 console or Wii virtual console. Practice other versions of the game on virtually any console, cell phone, pc game, or even flash games.

Hopefully, this has given you a helpful overview of a few more of the games you can anticipate playing at Nerd Olympics 2010. You must start training now if you want to have any hope of competing in the grueling struggle for victory. I expect most of you will put in at least an hour of game play per day, per game to compete with likes of Nerd Olympics 2009 champions Newbs, Doug, Ben, Flowers, Weskimo, G, and Wylliecoyote, who dominated these games last year. If you know of any additional means of practicing, please comment with your suggestions.

SNK vs Capcon: SVC Chaos
Starting out the events this year at Nerd Olympics is an old school, button-jamming arcade fighter. SNK vs Capcon: SVC Chaos is based on the play style of King of Fighters, and features 24 initial characters from KOF, Street Fighter, Darkstalkers, Samurai Showdown. and more. You can perform special moves by filling up your “groove” gauge to level 2 or maxing it out at level 3. You also get a special “Exceed” move when your health is less than half.

At the NO (Nerd Olympics) event this year, the game will be played best as a best-of-3, single elimination tournament, with stock characters only. You can practice this game on a Neo Geo arcade or X-Box.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
The Call of Duty franchise is a critically acclaimed  series of first person shooters for the PC. Modern Warfare breaks away from the previous focus on WWII of past games, and is set in the near future in various locations such as the Middle East, Russia, the Ukraine and Azerbaijan. You can carry up to two weapons, in addition to  grenades.

This year’s NO event will be a 4 person free-for-all in the Killhouse, a downloadable multiplayer expansion map. You can practice on your PC, Mac, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii, or even NDS. The event will allow only stock characters, and no modifications or custom hotkeys in an attempt to keep an even playing field. The top two players in each heat will move on.

Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
Dawn of War II is this year’s Non-Blizzard real time strategy game. You control your own army, managing gear and Diablo-like skill sets. The game is noted for its new cover system, destructible terrain and de-emphasis on base building, setting it apart from other RTS titles. It is heavily influenced by Company of Heroes, one of the highest rated RTS games.

The INOC has decided to divide players into two skill levels for this event, and create teams by pairing Pros and Noobs randomly. Each team will compete against another team in a single elimination tournament. Dawn of War II is exclusively for PC.

R-Type Leo
R-Type Leo is another classic arcade game, this one being a horizontal side scrolling shooter. This fourth installment in the R-Type game series allows you to navigate your space ship through a variety of enemies and obstacles, destroying everything that comes into your path and picking up ship upgrades along the way. At the start of the game you pick from one of three different ship weapons called Force Bits which vary slightly in how they are fired. In this particular R-Type game you can also shoot forwards or backwards.

The NO event will be a single coin run-through, with the highest score winning. You can practice this game on a M-92 arcade machine. Other R-Type games in the series can be practiced on the SuperNES, PlayStation, PSP, Xbox, and Gameboy Advance.

Hopefully this has given you a helpful overview of a few of the games you can anticipate seeing at Nerd Olympics 2010. You must start training now if you want to have any hope of competing in the grueling struggle for victory. I expect most of you will put in at least an hour of game play, per day, per game to compete with likes of Nerd Olympics 2009 champions Psycho limey, MerrGe, DMUSER, and Brentor, who dominated these games last year. If you know of any additional means of practicing, please comment with your suggestions.

The official Nerd Olympics logo.

Since we were children we have all been battling the same things: the space invaders, the little plastic cavalry valued at five, the artist’s rendering of a goblin printed on a piece of cardboard. We have battled them on kitchen tables and on basement televisions. We have fought with valiance and honour, yet something has always been missing.

We have lacked recognition. Wins hold little meaning when the night is over, when the Pizza Pops are eaten and the Dr. Pepper drained. Imagine if your victories in all the realms of nerd-dom could be enshrined and remembered. What if you could be made champion of Starcraft, Mario Kart, or Magic: the Gathering for a whole year? What if you could have a medal as a permanent reminder of your pasty superiority? That is the dream of The Nerd Olympics.

Starting Your Own Nerd Olympics Cell

For the past five years, The Nerd Olympics has existed as a small annual event held in my home town, but despite its size, it has spawned gods of gaming and brought honour to its champions. This article is a guide for operating a Nerd Olympics cell in your home town. Anyone who wants to start up a chapter, please do, I want nerds everywhere to experience the glory that I have come to know and relish.

Step 1: Establish an Olympic Committee
Just as The Olympics has the International Olympic Committee, The Nerd Olympics needs an International Nerd Olympic Committee. The idea behind an INOC is to establish a core of the most dedicated nerds who can organize the event. Depending upon the size of your Olympics, your INOC should be comprised of 2-5 people who can and will dedicate their time and resources to running The Nerd Olympics. Try to find people who have knowledge of different fields, like a PC gaming expert, a board game expert, and a console gaming expert. It’s also vitally important that one of your INOC members be capable of applying their sober second thought to the impossible and outlandish ideas the rest of the INOC will surely come up with.

Step 2: Pick a Date and Location
Nerds have a fatal flaw, they never do what they say they’re going to do. If a bunch of nerds come up with some kind of awesome idea, that dream will almost never be followed. The problem likely stems from poor diet and exercise, what sounds like a great idea while everyone is wired on caffeine and Smash Bros. suddenly sounds like a lot of work the next morning when the cold reality of slothful home life sets in. This step is meant to create the necessary momentum for your event.

Your INOC should meet and choose an appropriate date and location for your Olympics which can be adhered to. The dates should be a maximum of two days (you’ll hate your friends if you go any longer than that) and at least three months away. The location should be reasonable and accessible.

Step 3: Angry Debating
Once a time and place have been chosen, your INOC can start up a discussion with their extended social circle of nerds on the internet. If one of you has an online forums, that is ideal, but a Facebook event works as well. Events and their rules must be decided upon. Your discussions will likely involve intricate arguments over whether OddJob should be banned from Goldeneye, and other such minutia. If your group is small, then it might be best to simply allow the INOC to choose the events of your Olympics, but running a vote after nominations have been established has been successful for me. Also, we’ve found that 12 events over two days is a maximum. Be ready for whatever elaborate schedule you make breaking down mid-Olympics.

Step 4: Laying Down the Law
After a couple of months of arguing, your INOC is going to need to make some decisions. You’ll have heard arguments for and against every possible obscure game in existence, but ultimately answers are needed. Voting can alleviate some controversy, but before that your INOC will have needed to create categories and a system of voting. No matter how events are determined, rules ultimately need to be worked out too. Your INOC needs to meet again here and make some final decisions. It will be impossible to please everyone, and so decisions should be made based on the three Fs: fun, fairness, and feasibility. Also, the four golden rules of Nerd Olympics will need to be drilled into all perspective attendees: don’t be a dick, bring food, have fun, and don’t cheat.

Step 5: Setup
As the chosen date draws near, all of the equipment will need to be readied: consoles will have to be connected, board games found and checked for necessary pieces, and worst of all, computer networks will have to be setup. Additionally, an annual slogan will need to be chosen, such as “Do or do not, there is no try.” This should be painted on a large piece of paper and displayed proudly at your Olympics for the nerds to look upon and find inspiration.

Since your homes will likely be the location of your Olympics, attachment to your personal belongings will also need to be severed. Nerds are not known to be party animals, but after two days, they tend to start nesting, and it turns out your personal belongings make great cushions.

The intensity of Nerd Olympics competition.

Running The Nerd Olympics

Over the course of your Nerd Olympics, certain practices must be adhered to in order to maintain the standards of the Nerd Olympic Games. The Olympics must open with the official anthem of The Nerd Olympics, “Theme from Mortal Kombat.” After each event is completed, the winners must be thrown their medals (made up of whatever nerdy material you can give away, I’ve used Magic cards and 3rd party N64 memory cards in years previous) in the order of bronze, silver, then gold, while they stand on a podium (made up of stools or rolls of carpet or whatever’s handy). They must then be told “hold up your medals like you’re Link holding up the Triforce,” and a picture must then be taken for posterity. Also, a record of the champions of each event must be maintained on a big scoreboard. At the conclusion of your Olympics, overall winners can be determined by adding up medals weighted as 3 points for gold, 2 for silver, 1 for bronze. The overall top three must then stand on the podium, hoisting random objects above their heads while a picture is taken (a real trophy is even better if you have the ambition to make one). I also recommend wrapping up with a big group photo for posterity as well.

Try to make things as straight forward as possible and avoid drama. Have a basic idea of how to run each event beforehand. We have found that a 4-play, 2-move-on single elimination works best, and we try to apply it wherever 4-player free-for-alls are possible. Note: if things are getting a little intense attendees should feel free to blow off steam by homo-erotically wrestling, this is an understandable need for some people.

At the end of each night, it’s nice to unwind with a nerdy movie/drinking game combo. Pick out something like Street Fighter, that Van Damme classic, and start watching. Figure out a drinking game like “every time Zangief is awesome, take a drink.” It’s also fun to conclude Nerd Olympics with some INOC-decided special awards. This can be things like “hottest attendee,” “best/worst drunken showing,” and “best food contribution.”

Ultimately, The Nerd Olympics is about having sweaty contests “fueled by Dew,” which determine bragging rights for a bunch of reclusive man-children. It’s pretty fun. If anyone out there starts up his or her own Nerd Olympics, please, send me an email at: newbs@shufflingdead.com, or post about it on our forums, let us know! Good luck!

The spirit of the games.

Nerd Olympics is about the purity of sport, and its ability to elevate mere mortals to the echelon of gods. The demonstration of camaraderie in preparation for the Rock Band event, below, illustrates the commitment to excellence our athletes embrace.

Nerd Olympics 2009 was the first year to feature t-shirts. Here, Olympians compete in Mario Kart Wii, and wear their uniforms with pride. Big thanks to Gary for designing the Nerd Olympics logo.

The Magic: the Gathering draft was one of the most anticipated, and ultimately, one of the most enjoyed events of the year.

The Rock Band competition was similarly popular. Here, Nicholas Picholas’ speed comes through as actual motion blur.

PC gaming was run, and actually enjoyable this year. Starcraft was as absurd as ever.

Settlers of Catan returned to Nerd Olympics. Depicted here, our competitors present deadly serious faces for fear of giving away anything to their bloodthirsty opponents.

Documented for history so that their victories may echo through the ages, here are the champions of Nerd Olympics 2009. The full list of champions’ names can be seen further down.

This abomination of a photograph records the champions of Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

This image depicts the Halo 3 victors.

Many dignitaries appeared at Nerd Olympics 2009. apocalyptic_girl, for example, actually came!

Nicholas Picholas, reigning Nerd Olympics champion showed up very late, and proceeded to immediately win two gold medals.

DMUSER came through this year by rendering an incredible Nerd Olympics trophy for our champions. Previous years’ winners’ names were engraved on plaques and placed on the trophy before the beginning of this year’s competition.

During Nerd Olympics, a marathon play-through of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time was held. The group was quite poor at it.

Ultimately, the three winningest players were: Psycho Limey, DMUSER, and Doug. The first athletes to officially hoist the new trophy.

The official list of winners.

The Honourary Awards went to the following this year:
-Bullshit award: Psycho Limey, for winning so much, especially at Starcraft and Magic.
-Whining Award: Nobody! Woo-hoo!
-Worst Drunken Showing: Brett, for furious consumption of alcohol.
-Best Drunken Showing: DMUSER, for screaming like a mother fucker at passed-out Weskimo.
-Most Pathetic Drinking: Newbs, since it’s tradition.
-Most Inconsequential Medals: DMUSER, for many bronzes and silvers, and no golds.
-Best Food Input: Leigh, for making nachos!
-Hottest attendee: Gary.
-Bill Award: Bill and Clare.
-Most Bitter Player: David, for Magic.
-Out of Fucking Nowhere Award: Geoff, a strong first year showing.
-Serious Kudos: Psycho Limey, for bringing the bar fridge.
-Thanks for Coming Out Award: Everyone!!!
-Most Epic Act: The INOC, for organization (Newbs, DMUSER, Weskimo, and Brentor).

The athletes of Nerd Olympics 2009.

As is tradition, following the ceremonies, a series of special awards were handed out to honour those who found their own means of achieving greatness during the Olympics.
-Bullshit/Upset Award – Brentor for his Dawn of War performance.
-Worst/Best Drunken Showing – DMUSER for wild anti-Semitic remarks made towards Weskimo.
-Best Drunken Attack – Weskimo for his retaliation against DMUSER.
-Most Epic Act – Nicholas Picholas’ astounding 762 (or whatever it was) note streak in Guitar Hero III.
-Best Food Input – Lindsay for making a Nerd Olympics inspired cake!
-Thanks For Comin’ Out Award – Hide.
-Hottest Attendee – Ian the Limey.
-Worst Nerd Sweat – also Ian the Limey, in the words of Brentor “he almost glistens.”
-Most Drawn out Match – Nicholas Picholas vs. Newbs in Starcraft.
-Bill Award – split between Bill and Clare.
-Biggest Jackass – Wylliecoyote for, in Weskimo’s words, “Nerd Trivia suck.” Honourable mention going to Limey, for, according to Brentor, “his whole life.”
-Most Pathetic Drinking – Newbs.
-Most Bitter Player – Brentor, for his anger towards Halo 3.
-Out of Fucking Nowhere Award – Heather.
-Serious Kudos – Gary for coming despite a four hour drive, with honourable mention to Doug and Merrin for a similar drive.

Despite the anger present on these faces, Nerd Olympics 2008 was a great event.

After the medal ceremony, several special awards were handed out to those who deserved extra mention at this, the third Olympiad of the Nerds. Unfortunately, the scan of the official document would be unreadable if I resized it, so I shall recreate the list.
-Bullshit Award – Doug
-Whining Award – Wylliecoyote
-Upset Award – Limey
-Worst Drunken Showing – Doug
-Most Inconsequential Medals – Newbs
-Best Drunken Rant/Attack – Brentor
-Best Unprovoked Attack – Weskimo
-Most Epic Act – James and David for unbelievable Magic
-Best Food Input – Leigh
-Thanks for Comin’ Out Award – Brad
-Hottest Attendee – David
-Best Drunken Showing – Weskimo
-Most Drawn Out Match – Wes vs. Andrew (chess)
-Bill Award – Bill
-Biggest Jackass Award – James and David for unbelievable Magic
-Most Pathetic Drinking – Newbs
-Most Offensive – DMUSER
-Most Bitter Player – Limey
-Out of Fucking Nowhere Award – James
-Cheerleading Award – Weskimo’s Woman and Kristina
-Worst Nerd Sweat – Limey

Nerd Olympics has improved every year that it has been hosted, and 2007 was no exception.