Our old pals (read:me) at Splodinator.com are running an exciting contest for 2000 Nintendo Points. See video above for all the details.

Ka-pow!

With the E3 rush over with, I’m free to hop back aboard the ShufflingDead pain train for the occasional update. To begin with, I wanted to catch up our wandering readers over here with the latest from Splodinator, the glorious gaming site I’ve been pounding away on for the last three months.

You might be interested in my comprehensive report of Nintendo’s upcoming system, the Wii U. If that tickles your raging fancy, then maybe all of our other E3 coverage will too.

Also worthy of your eyes: the ten most memorable moments of E3s past.

Over at Splodinator I’ve reviewed Donkey Kong Country Returns and GoldenEye 007 for Wii, as well as the movies Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and The Wizard.

Perhaps most excitingly, the Definitive 50 SNES games video series barrels onward. Find out what took 10th place right here.

If you miss ShufflingDeadCast, the ShufflingDead.com podcast, then you’ll be happy to know we’ve rebooted the show as Radio Splode. Listen to it with your ears today!

Ka-pow!

Some of you more loyal readers may be wondering “what the hell is going on with ShufflingDead? Why is the site updated 5 times a week instead of 20? Where is the Definitive 50???”

The answers to all those questions lay here, at Splodinator.com. That’s the name of the new site we’ve been developing over the past several weeks.

Put simply, Splodinator is a video game news and opinion website. It’s fun, chill, and non-crazy. We’re rebuilding the Definitive 50 there, and bringing over a few of the suitable articles from ShufflingDead history that fit the theme.

That’s not to say there isn’t new, highly awesome content at Splodinator already, either! Check out my reviews of Donkey Kong Country Returns and Yoshi’s Island DS. Early news stories include: Executive smackdown: Peter Vesterbacka vs. Satoru Iwata and Rumour: Ace Attorney Investigations 2 not getting western release.

Come on, subscribe to the RSS feed, fan the Facebook page! Join the Splodinator revolution!

So what brought this about? ShufflingDead is nearing its 10 year anniversary. That’s something I’m truly proud to say, as 10 years is a long time indeed for a website to survive. 10 years is also a long time to work on the same site, especially one so unfocused, and one you developed as a teenager. Frankly, I feel it’s time to (mostly) move on from this site. ShufflingDead will still shuffle a little, with certain features continuing, it’s just moving into semi-retirement.

ShufflingDead is growing every day. We’re always piling on more content and more features, and our layout is superb. I’m extremely proud of what we’ve accomplished here, and I must say it would not have been possible without the support of our fans and contributors.

Having said that, I’d like to ask for a little more. No, I’m not hustling for more writers, I’ve done that plenty of times in the past, and these are much easier. The following five things can be done by every one of our fans, and doing each ensures the continued success of ShufflingDead. With your support, I believe ShufflingDead can grow in quality and popularity to the point that it one day supports itself (and its writers!).

1. Pass us around on link sharing sites – This may be surprising, but ShufflingDead’s main source of traffic isn’t links from other content sites, or even from Google, it’s from link sharing sites like Digg, Reddit, and Stumbleupon. We’ve got buttons below every post for those sites, as well as a few others, to make submitting your favourite ShufflingDead stories as easy as possible. If you’ve got your own favourite link sharing site (Fark, Slashdot, whatever) please use those. Above all the other items on this list, I’d like to sincerely urge our readers to share our content on sites like these. If you don’t have an account on any of those sites, sign up, it’s easy! We’ve had particular success with Stumbleupon, check them out.

2. Promote and follow us via social networking – This one is huge. You see those little Facebook and Twitter links under every post? They’re a great tool that lets you easily share your favourite ShufflingDead content with your friends and followers. Let them in on the enduring splendor of ShufflingDead. Oh yeah, and joining our Facebook fan page or following our Twitter account keeps you in on the ShufflingDead (uhh…) shuffle and makes sharing our stuff even easier.

3. Send us news tips – One of the toughest parts of running this site is finding a consistent stream of wacky stories to make fun of. Not only would more news tips be a great help to myself and the other writers here at ShufflingDead, but it would also benefit you, the readers, by ensuring we are covering exactly the stories you want to hear about. We’ve got a contact page to help you out with this. The link sits right along the top navigation bar of the site.

4. Don’t ad block us – The cold reality of the internet is that it’s tough to make money out here, especially doing anything legitimate. We try to run relevant, non-hideous ads here at ShufflingDead, and I’d like to ask that our readers not block those ads. Even if you would never click one of them, viewing our ads still makes us a little money! That’s cash that goes towards improving the site.

5. Comment! – The liveliest websites are also the most fun. Don’t be afraid to make use of the comment section that sits under every page here at ShufflingDead. Getting engaged with our other commenters will make your experience more fun, and encourage yet more to join.

sulci here. Welcome to my new photoblog at ShufflingDead. Photography is my passion, but being a part of team ShufflingDead and an ardent MMOer means I’m also on the pulse of geek culture. I’m going to use this space to post the photos I take which happen to intersect these two worlds.

You can check out much more of my photography work on my Flickr page.

First up, ShufflingDead editor-in-chief Newbs in his cosplay attempt at Commander William T. Riker of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame. We didn’t have much in the way of props (or even a decent costume) so much of what you see in these photos is the result of my Photoshop skills. The beard, however, is all real.

Shufflingdead continues to grow at an incredible pace. It was not long ago that we reached 100 fans on Facebook, and we have since accrued many more fans there. Not to be immodest, but Shufflingdead is taking off at an ever-accelerating pace, with our traffic growing at 1000% year over year.

I’d like to thank all of our fans, as well as the people who help out on the site. In particular, sulci, for editing our videos and handling the technical side of things, Weskimo, for his frequency, regularity, and quality of submissions, and apocalyptic_girl, for sitting next to me and being so damn funny in our videos. Of course, I would be remiss if I did not give a shout out to our less regular contributors, including aparticularperson, Jack, Katte, and Jolly Argonaut, who have all amazed me with their humour in recent months.

About seven months ago I announced phases 9 through 11 of “The New and Thrilling Shufflingdead.com”: #9 focus and explore Shufflingdead’s scope, #10 really promote site, and #11 bring on a stable of contributors. Although work on those tasks will never be done so long as Shufflingdead continues to operate, I feel that we have now accomplished what I set out to do with those goals.

Of those, we have been most successful with #9; we really have focused and explored Shufflingdead’s scope. The results of that effort have been nothing short of spectacular. We now sport a much clearer subject range at the site, which I would describe as geek culture. It’s ironically liberating, as I now feel free to write in depth about movies, games, and tech without having to worry that I’m ignoring everything else.

That is not to take anything away from our accomplishments regarding goals #10 and #11. Promotion has included cross-linking with several other sites, evidence of which you can see in the “Friends of Dead’ section to your right. We even did some content swapping with CineBombs.com, which was some of the most fun I’ve had with Shufflingdead. sulci and I have also worked hard at promoting the site on social media across the internet. The stable of contributors that we brought on is everyone I’ve listed and thanked above. Over the past seven months, those people have made dozens of posts here, and it’s been an incredible help.

It is now time to issue my next set of goals for Shufflingdead:

Phase 12: remove/re-do/re-upload all images. This task has already been underway for several weeks, and I’m hoping to finish it soon. Shufflingdead is starting over when it comes to image use. This is for all kinds of reasons, mostly technical, as we are able to do more with images uploaded through WordPress.

Phase 13: tweak and finesse ads. This may seem like an uninteresting goal, but improving Shufflingdead’s revenue is vital to the continued growth of this site. That money funds things like improved video equipment, hosting, and other material needed to run the site. We’ve done alright with the way we’ve got ads now, but I know we can do better. Expect some layout tweaks and behind the scenes changes with ad companies in the days ahead.

Phase 14: encourage greater community support. No, I’m not talking about bugging you guys to write for us (that was goal #11). I’m thinking of small things, like getting people to send in news tips, and promoting us on link sharing sites. The first step in pursuing this goal will be a blog post in the days to come detailing what you folks can do for us. I don’t want this to come off as unappreciative. I just feel that the best way to provide what you’re looking for is to get you working with us to give it to you.

Phase 15: evaluate everything we do at the site, adjust accordingly. I’m talking about a top-to-bottom audit of all the components that make up Shufflingdead, evaluating the amount of time and effort required to do each of those things, and the level of enjoyment and popularity which result, cutting or changing what doesn’t work, and increasing whatever does. Work on this task has already begun, with things like the automation of our Twitter feed, the altered format of our podcast, and the decision to close our forums at the end of the year. And there will be more to come I’m sure. The goal here is efficiency. I want the time put into Shufflingdead to have the most impact possible.

For reference, here are all of the phases up to this point:

Phase 1: Finish porting site over to WordPress
Phase 2: Update at least minimally
Phase 3: Promote site
Phase 4: Expand the Shufflingdead empire
Phase 5: Increase quality
Phase 6: Rejuvenate Shufflingdead’s layout and organization
Phase 7: Increase user interactivity
Phase 8: Update EVEN MORE
Phase 9: Focus and explore Shufflingdead’s scope
Phase 10: Really promote site
Phase 11: Bring on a stable of contributors
Phase 12: remove/re-do/re-upload all images
Phase 13: tweak and finesse ads
Phase 14: encourage greater community support
Phase 15: evaluate everything we do at the site, adjust accordingly

Let’s roll.

Logic and reason were never a very important part of Paul W. S. Anderson’s Resident Evil films. Afterlife, the latest entry in his sci-fi/zombie series loosely adapted from the popular survival-horror Resident Evil video games is as gleefully dismissive of those traits as ever. The movie consists of Milla Jovovich, as lead character Alice, dance-fighting her way through hordes of zombies, endless lines of well equipped henchmen, and gaping plot holes.

Whoah! Read the full review by clicking right here! Seriously, do it! CineBombs is a great site run by a couple of pretty chill dudes I’ve been conversing with on the internet lately, and I highly encourage you check out the rest of their site as well.

1. write a Games in Review article once a month
Taken care of.

2. write a Movie review once a month
Also taken care of.

3. be a guest on the podcast once a month
Done, done, done, and done.

5. be a guest reviewer in an SDGR video
Reviewed Sega Superstars Tennis with Newbs.

7. do a Rock Band Stage Kit video after I get it working
Filmed and soon to be uploaded.

8. avoid seeing the shirtless photoshoot of Newbs and DMUSER
Seeing as this proposed abomination did not come into existence, I consider my goal complete.

10. have more articles than sulci
As of this To-Do List update, I have more articles submitted than sulci.

12. complete a monthly update of this list
Also complete.

16. have a movie night for the Ninja Turtles movies
Cowabunga.

19. see Master and Commander
Not overly impressed to be totally honest. Perhaps I’ll review it sometime and go into detail.

20. see Iron Man 2
Fun enough to watch, but pretty bare-bones on the story.

27. watch all of The Big Bang Theory
Thoroughly enjoyed.

29. make a huge Magic: the Gathering order
Wow, Magic costs a lot.

36. Play Dominion
Fiona and aparticularperson kicked my ass.

39. buy and beat Army of Two: 40th Day
Actually much easier without Brentor’s suck dragging me down.

48. play Starcraft 2
Done. Must remember to ask Blizzard ‘Why?’ sometime.

50. defeat Newbs every week in Shufflingdead basketball
Each week where Newbs was not on my team, he was crushed.

54. try to get Newbs to run with me in the morning
I asked several times, got a few ‘god, no’s. The attempt was there.

60. barbeque once a week
Close enough.

66. attend Sonic Boom
Pretty spectacular show.

70. use the word voracious in casual conversation
Used.

72. pacify the lady friend by “baking her a fucking cake”
I baked two!

79. learn more about wine so that I don’t suck at my new job
Did you guys know that a the term Spatlese refers to the level of a grape’s ripeness when it is picked? I do.

87. buy decorations of some kind for my house
Not completed to the degree I’d expected, but I’ll count it, a few additions to the walls.

97. expand my sexual repetoire
…

So, after tallying all points, including my 25 goals completed in August, my total number of To-Do List goals in Summer 2010 comes up to 55/100.

Biggest Successes

I had a rather surprising amount of success because of the list. There were definitely some actions I did specifically because the list existed. I found myself slightly more motivated to take action. I would say my greatest successes would be in regards to my increased contributions to the site (which took the most motivation, to be honest), some increased organization, and discovering my mad baking skillz.

Biggest Failures

Ask me for anything but time. By far my most disappointing section was the video games section. I just do not have the time I used to that I can put towards gaming. Also, several items were rendered impossible this summer, as I didn’t acquire a horse until mid July so it would be difficult to go horseback riding, I realized I didn’t have time to make buying a bike worthwhile, and I spent about a month on lower physical activity levels with an ankle injury. The biggest failure of the To-Do List this summer was definitely in making the list, as I made it as if I had no life.

I’ve also decided to remove from the list # 84, ‘get over my crush on Michelle Branch’ because I won’t even try to do that one. I could, but why would I want to?

Lessons for Next Year

Fewer time intensive goals, like so many movie nights, large lists of 40+ hour video games, and fewer totally unproductive goals. All in all, the To-Do List was fairly effective at encouraging productivity in my general actions of the summer. It was a useful and engaging tool that I will definitely be making use of again next year.

1. write a monthly update for this list
Handled.

2. write monthly “The Dungeon’s Boss” updates
I completed August’s entry just an hour before the deadline!

6. do a Rock Band Stage Kit video review
Filmed and soon to be uploaded.

7. start a new video series for the site, and run one episode a week
I’ve enjoyed my work on The Definitive 50.

15. vigorously promote site
Running around to link sharing sites, hassling people to like us on Facebook, etc. It’s been a lot of work.

30. watch a TV series of my lady friend’s choosing
Densha Otoko is awesome.

40. build a “garbage” draft cube for MtG
I think I did this in July and forgot to cross it off before.

74. attempt yoga
I’ve discovered my posture is an atrocity.

78. take lady friend on mystical oddeseysyesy (sp?)
We went for a picnic!

79. learn how to spell “odyssey”
O.D.Y.S.S.E.Y.

81. attend Animethon
The… the furries were everywhere.

82. write every day
This site sure does get updated a lot.

94. keep nose hair trimmed
The buzzing sound the electric razor makes when it gets a hair is kind of scary.

98. get flowers for my lady friend, possibly in apology for the following two goals
It was just to be romantic, I got no where near Christina Hendricks.

So there you have it. With fourteen goals completed in August, my final total number of accomplished goals for Summer 2010 comes to 30/100. That is exactly the number I finished with last year.

Biggest Successes

I regard 2009′s to-do list as a monumental success. The demands I made on myself pushed me to crawl out of my basement, out of my lazy lifestyle, and actually do things. I worked out, I pushed myself on the site, I cleaned. In other words, I did things because of the list. This summer, my life simply did not warrant the kind of motivation the list provided previously, I already had the momentum from last year. I’m a busy guy now, I have a job, a girlfriend, and a demanding website.

Having said that, the list did serve to push me into doing some fun things, like replaying Donkey Kong Country 3, going for a picnic, and watching Densha Otoko.

Biggest Failures

I didn’t fail the list, I failed to make the list. Shufflingdead managed to reach 100 Facebook likers this summer, but I decided to shoot for 200 four months ago, because I am a crazy person. I listed piles of books to read, movies to see, and games to play that I simply would never have had time for with my life the way it is. If I’m going to try this again, I need to be significantly more reasonable. Taken individually, most things on the list would have been doable, but not all of them in four months.

Lessons for Next Year

I need to reassess what the to-do list is, and what makes it a summer event. Such lists would have made much more sense when I was a kid, and I had summers off to screw around and accomplish piles of pet projects. These days, the summer is no different from any other part of the year for me, except that I can actually go outside. As I see it, I have a couple choices. I can either focus on that summer component, and make the list more about that in years to come, or I can not do it annually, and only bring it back if I find my life slipping to a state of boring once more.

Resident Evil 4: Specifically, the Wii Edition. I played through this game some time ago on GameCube, so I already knew how spectacular it was. Having said that, I didn’t feel all that compelled to play through it again after I lost the save data and was unable to play through on the equivalent of New Game +. Already knowing I was a fan of the Wii’s change in controls, and suddenly becoming aware of how easy it is to grab Wii save files off the internet and use them in my own games brought me around for another go.

With everything unlocked, and Leon overpowered to shit, RE4 is a completely different experience. I love the opportunity to blast through enemies that gave me so much trouble before. Now I can enjoy the story and atmosphere in a relaxed, much less agitated, state.

Personal Trainer Walking: Probably the most enjoyable so-called “non-game” I’ve ever experienced. This is more of a software app bundled with a couple step counters. I’m loving all the stat tracking, as well as the ever-so-wise character who guides me through the mystical journey of walking a lot. The guilt he provides is a constant source of inspiration.

StarFox, Rock n’ Roll Racing, Aladdin, etc.: I hope it’s no secret that I’m hard at work on The Definitive 50 SNES Games video series here at Shufflingdead. As such, I’m in a constant state of research, reading about, playing, and bargain hunting for classic games. It’s already been an eye-opening trip to revisit the SNES catalog I loved so dearly as a child. Some games hold up significantly better than others (Aladdin is still awesome, Stunt Race FX significantly less than I remember).

10. figure out lighting for our videos
Scattering shop lights around my basement is good enough!

11. buy a microphone for podcasting
Hell yes I did, and we sound much better for it.

27. see Twilight: Eclipse – know thy enemy!
I regret everything.

46. buy and beat Super Mario Galaxy 2
They blew my mind all over again.

48. replay Donkey Kong Country 3
Really not nearly as good as the first two.

62. demolish all comers in Shufflingdead basketball
I was named MVP one game, so I’m going to go ahead and give this one to myself.

Well there you have it, three-quarters of the summer has passed, and I’ve now completed 16/100 goals. That may not look too promising, but my rate of accomplishing goals has skyrocketed. In May, I accomplished five goals, and in June, I accomplished another five goals. In July, I managed six!

28. watch all of Venture Brothers
One of the best shows I’ve ever watched. A must-see for anyone with a sense of humor.

32. finalize decks with card protectors
Multiple Magic decks have been deemed fit for combat and been entered into card protectors.

64. attend Motion Notion
Four days of camping and techno. Holy hell what a good time.

68. make DMUSER’s Birthday exceed previous levels of awesome
Upon reflection of the previous month’s event of DMUSER’s Birthday I found that it did, at the very least, match previous levels of DMUSER’s Birthday awesome. Good show by all involved.

72. pacify the lady friend with a camping trip
Two mana later, the lady friend has been struck by Pacifism.

74. get an additional fence put in
Done.

75. commit mass herbicide, murdering grass and weed alike, in an effort to clear my lawn of hostiles
Round 1 of The Purge complete, looking much better out there. Will need another round to pick up some fugitives, however.

85. buy new music
Bought a few new albums by artists like Against Me and the Gaslight Anthem. Vampire Weekend’s new album was most disappointing though.

I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that some of these goals are total write-offs and now impossible to complete, for example, I missed Boonstock for DMUSER’s Birthday, and will miss the Sonic 1K because of other schedule conflicts as well. Also, replaying Suikoden 1,2, and 5 is probably a combined 90 hours of gaming, which I cannot see myself having the time to power through in the next month. But looking at the accomplishments of the summer, and what I plan to have done for August 31st, the summer is looking pretty successful.

This month put me up 8 more goals, bringing the total to 30/100.

It was another remarkably poor quarter for me. I hopped from 71 unbeaten games to 82. Beaten games barely moved, going from 130 to 131. I did manage to complete one additional game, taking that total to 13.

Details after the jump.

April:

bought – F-Zero Legend – April 4
bought, but had already beaten – Super Baseball 2020 – April 17
bought – Mortal Kombat II – April 17
bought – Blades of Steel – April 19
bought – WinBack – April 19
bought – Pokemon Puzzle League – April 19
received – SimAnt – April 24 (thanks sulci!)

May:

bought – Mario Paint – May 10
bought – Pokemon Platinum – May 15
bought – Kirby Superstar Ultra – May 15
bought – Super Mario Galaxy 2 – May 25
bought – Tomb Raider II – May 25

gave away – Dragon Ball Z: Budokai Tenkaichi 2 – May 11
beat Ace Attorney Investigations – May 12

June:

bought – Personal Trainer walking – June 29
bought – WarioWare DIY – June 29

The image to the left recently popped up on Digg thanks to its shocking value as gawk material.

The picture is of a man named Will, who put the cabinet together at 13 in an effort to combine his loves of the NES and the arcade.

Will over there has gotten me inspired to post some of the other shocking Nintendo super-fan images that have circulated the internet over the years, and that I’ve managed to hang on to. If you got more, please add links to them in the comments section, or email them in.

Remember, don’t be too hard on these guys. You’ve probably got your own super-fan photos buried somewhere, the internet just hasn’t found them yet.

This final image doesn’t really count, since it’s obviously from a promo of some kind for Capcom, but it’s just too internet famous, and too amusing, not to post.

9. build or purchase some form of a backdrop for videos

Our new projector-screen-as-backdrop is awesome!

18. average 1154 daily hits in June

I have to bring this one up, even though I didn’t accomplish it, because I specifically failed to accomplish it. Unfortunately, we couldn’t quite get the site’s views that high last month. I will say this, however, we came close. Site traffic is up 1000% year-over-year.

39. make a huge Magic: the Gathering order

It’s in the mail and I’m very excited. Waiting, however, is torture.

42. buy MtG Deck Builder’s Toolkits with my lady friend

These were a great buy and we’ve enjoyed the stock cards we got out of them.

60. earn 600+ Club Nintendo points by June 30, and get something cool with them

By some miracle, I did, in fact, reach this goal. That Mario-and-friends statuette is mine!

97. replace the burned out light bulb behind me

Here’s a shocker: I actually managed to change that damn bulb. Hey, I wasn’t late! I had the whole summer to do it!

Well, another month has gone by, and another five summer goals have been accomplished. That means I’m up to 10 out of the 100 total. I have to once again remind myself and my believers that many of my goals are once-a-day, and/or multi-step, and I am on target to accomplish many more by the end of the summer.

Having said that, I’m beginning to think that I’ll need to set aside a bit of time each evening for myself in which I can game/read/watch, because progress on all of my media-consumption goals is lagging behind.

3. be a guest on the dungeon

Newbs and I talked about the Magic: The Gathering Eldrazi set and played some Rock n’ Roll Racing.

13. give Lost a chance

Oh, I gave it a chance. A whole season of it. Season 1 was watched in it’s entirety.

14. hate Lost properly, with knowledge of exact levels of suck

Hate achieved. This show makes no damn sense. And there are literally only three characters that are decently written.

18. rewatch The Dark Knight and try to understand why people claimed it was the best movie ever

Done. Might be crucified for saying this, but there was a lot of people fawning over the movie since Heath died. Still a good movie, but must disagree on “best movie ever” statement.

22. see the Rambo movies, possibly in a marathon setting

Fit this one in at the tail end of the month, but it was a great time. I consider myself enlightened and informed upon the character of John Rambo.

24. read the Silmarillion

Probably the most difficult of my accomplishments completed so far. This book is a chore to read. The last 100 pages aren’t that bad, but getting there without skimming is sure difficult. Too many things have four or five names to keep track of.

25. read Watchmen

Awesome. Even better as a graphic novel than as a movie.

26. reread American Psycho

My reward for finishing the Silmarillion. I love this book. It’s weird as hell though, and actually pretty disgusting.

38. have an honest to god Geek Night

Hell yes

40. beat Final Fantasy XIII

Hell yes.

63. force Newbs to create Geek Night 4.0

An adequate addition to the Geek Night series, complete with the 8-bit Rickroll. Nice work, Newbs.

67. attend DMUSER’s Birthday

Oh god. Singapore Slings + 2 kegs of beer= one hell of a night

76. replace dead shrubs in front yard

All done. Got some decent stuff in there to replace it all. Hope it all takes.

88. change the lock on my garage door

The lady friend broke a key off in the deadbolt like 6 months ago. Finally got around to replacing it so we have a more functional lock these days.

98. get flowers for my lady friend, possibly in apology for the following two goals

Done, but not for the reasons we’ve all been hoping for…

Very successful month. 15 more items knocked off the list. That puts me at 22/100 goals for the summer so far. Should be interesting to see what Newbs managed to come up with for the month…

Muramasa: Spoiler alert: this game’s got an SDGR review coming up. Another spoiler: we’re very positive about it. Muramasa is a joy. From the beauty of its art-style to the simplicity of its beat-em-up play, the game never fails to entertain. Even in its bizarrely long backtracking sessions, the game maintains an hypnotic draw.

Pokémon Platinum: Garage sales are simultaneously my best friend and worst enemy. They lure me in with the hope of bargains and hidden treasures, and all too often let me down with absences of games, or, worse yet, abundances of games to spend money on. I picked up Kirby Super Star Ultra and Pokémon Platinum at one earlier this summer. I had to get Pokémon out of curiosity, I hadn’t played one since the GameBoy Color era, and it seemed time to finally check if the sluggish menus had been fixed. Of course they had. Platinum maintains the simple design of the old games I remember so well, and still finds room for all the conveniences of modern game design.

Stay tuned for another Dungeon’s Boss in a couple weeks when I update the database for Q2 2010.

23. see Kick-Ass

Expect a review in Movie Maundering.

30. play in an MtG draft

4th place out of 11 players seems okay. Got some really good cards, and the Rise of the Eldrazi set is ri-freakin-diculous.

33. buy a magic box

Completed, finally. I have an 800-card deck box with which to carry my spell cache from kitchen table to kitchen table.

80. clean out University email account

Cut emails from over 800 to under 60.

82. organize music collection

Hooked the old iPod up to my laptop and renamed wrong tracks, cleared off duplicates, and otherwise sorted things out. Figured it would be an hour tops. Three hours later…

83. remove all NWA, Spinal Tap, Colin James, Simcoe Street Mob, and Red Hot Chilipeppers tracks.

Completed with pleasure. I did not put any of these on my iPod personally, save for “Californication” by the Chilipeppers (which has a special hatred in my heart), and have resented them all ever since they popped up on my playlist.

95. play a drinking game while watching the Transformers Season 1

Holy balls.  “Drink whenever the humans need saving…” The Galvatron: 4 parts gin, 2 parts pomegranate liqueur, 2 parts blueberry liqueur, 3 parts club soda.

7/100 completed

7 goals  is really not where I wanted to be sitting after a month of summer, but looking at my list, many of the goals are repeat behaviors for the entire summer, so I don’t feel bad, as I’m on track for most of them. Notable goals in the works include the reading of the Silmarillion (230 pages in!), educated hating of Lost, fitness goals, and the building of a huge Magic card order. And of the times Newbs has attended Shufflingdead Basketball, he has been defeated 1/1 times.

So a little behind, but June should bring more progress.

5. write more “Cosplay Idol” articles with sulci

We took care of this in late May to great success.

41. play in an MtG draft

Well, it wasn’t quite a draft, but rather a sealed event. I’m going to count it anyway. A great time was had by all, as far as I could tell, and I actually won the whole thing! I hadn’t even considered winning as an objective, that seemed too unlikely.

54. get an SNES Mouse

I picked up Mario Paint along with the corresponding SNES Mouse in the month of May. That game (read: console version of MS Paint) is a little dull for my taste, but the mouse is worth it for its compatibility with Sim ANT.

80. jerk off

Do I get multiple check marks for doing something multiple times? I guess not. Needless to say, I’ve “handled” this one.

88. get a frame for my picture with Leonard Nimoy

Believe it or not, and if you know me, you probably do believe it, I picked up a simple but classy black frame for my shot with Nimoy. It sits near my computer desk, reminding me of how old Spock is.

That’s it, five damn goals and a quarter of the summer has already gone by. As a minor excuse, I’m on my way to completing a number of other goals. I’ve bought and begun to play games I’m supposed to beat, I’ve pondered the mysteries of cooking, and I’ve even stared at the pile of books I’m supposed to read.

I suppose I’ll just have to get 45 done in June.

Quarter 1 saw some incredible changes to my collection. I managed to beat-back the over-heavy presences of both unbeaten GBA games and RPGs. I found $1 copy Space Iinvaders for the Atari 2600 which, for the time being, has no system to be played on, and picked up some NES classics on the cheap, those being Lolo 3, Metal Gear, Blastermaster, and Hogan’s Alley.

Perhaps most significantly, I also picked up a PS1 (at the same thrift store I found the Atari game), along with my first PS1 game, WipeOut XL. I’m excited for another opportunity to check out how the “other half” was living, this time from the era when I was focused on blasting Russians in GoldenEye.

And now for a couple games played:

Ace Attorney Investigations: I picked up AAI near its launch, being a massive fan of the series, and excited for the opportunity to do a little more investigating in my anime lawyer games. So far, and I’m near the end at this point, I haven’t found that the game has supplied exactly what I had hoped for, although it is still enjoyable. It seems to just be me, but when it comes to Ace Attorney games, I enjoy the relaxing investigation portions more than the thinking-required courtroom portions.

Unfortunately for me, AAI seems to break up investigations with even more pseudo-courtroom moments, and prevents any significant wandering by generally keeping investigations to one room at a time. I’ve also found the writing to be a little less snappy than previous entries, with fewer of the pop culture references that excite me so much. Overall, it’s still got enough of the Ace Attorney charm to keep me happy, but I certainly feel the game could be better.

Golden Sun: I finally beat Golden Sun back in February, and had a surprisingly enjoyable go of it. I say surprisingly because, to be honest, I had never had much fun with the game previously. I made a number of attempts at the game over the years, and had just never been quite drawn in enough to push my way through to the end. Following a strong showing against the similarly problematic Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls, and coming around to the concept of portable RPGs as mindless grinds to play while I listen to podcasts, I decided to finally put this one to rest.

I quickly realized my biggest mistake had been to ignore the Djinni sidequests in the game, Djinni being creatures you must find and equip on your players to learn magic. Cheating massively, I printed out a list of Djinni locations and backtracked through the game to find all the ones I had missed. After that point, the game became significantly easier, and significantly more enjoyable. I’m now honour bound to pick up a copy of the sequel, Golden Sun: The Lost Age.

Quarter 1 2010 saw the following changes:

January 2010:

beat LoZ: Spirit Tracks – Jan. 10
beat Final Fantasy II – Jan 17
beat Final Fantasy – Jan 31
beat No More Heroes 2 – Jan 31

bought Space Invaders – Jan 12
bought No More Heroes 2 – Jan 26

February:

beat Golden Sun – Feb 7

bought Lolo 3 – Feb 3
bought Metal Gear – Feb 3
bought Blastermaster – Feb 3
bought Hogans Alley – Feb 3

sold Bionicle Heroes – Feb 3
sold GT Pro Series – Feb 3

March:

bought – WipeOut XL – March 3
bought – Final Fantasy III – March 3
bought – The World is Not Enough – March 3
bought – Wario World – March 4
bought – Ace Attorney Investigations – March 14
bought – Kirby’s Dream Land March 14
bought – Blast Corps – March 17
bought – Stunt Racer FX – March 17

This left me thinking, as I often do, of myself.  I also have goals for every summer, though never immortalized in list-form, I tend to have assorted vagaries and wispy notions floating around in my head that represent the list.  I don’t know if you folks have ever tried to accomplish a vagary before, but I’ll tell you, it’s still pretty damn vague when you’re done.  And you’re left with a confused feeling whenever you look back on the summer, wondering if you actually accomplished any of your lofty (if poorly defined) goals.

Well, no more! Behold! Concrete evidence of my goals this summer!  Take that, Weskimo’s directionally-challenged mind! Eat progress this summer!

Site Goals:

1. write a “Games in Review” article once a month
2. write a Movie review once a month
3. be a guest on the podcast once a month
4. be a guest on “The Dungeon”
5. be a guest reviewer in an SDGR video
6. write a “Dungeons and Dragons Recap” article after playing in Newbs’s campaign
7. do a Rock Band Stage Kit video after I get it working
8. avoid seeing the shirtless photoshoot of Newbs and DMUSER
9. officially create my Zombie Action Plan, and write an article about it
10. have more articles than sulci
11. get more hate comments
12. complete a monthly update of this list

    Movies, TV, Books:

13. give Lost a chance
14. hate Lost properly, with knowledge of exact levels of suck
15. have a movie night for Computer Science 101 (Hackers, Wargames and Antitrust)
16. have a movie night for the Ninja Turtles movies (yeah, I have them on DVD, what?)
17. participate in an all-day Star Wars marathon
18. rewatch The Dark Knight and try to understand why people claimed it was the best movie ever
19. see Master and Commander
20. see Iron Man 2
21. see the Aliens movies, possibly in a marathon setting
22. see the Rambo movies, possibly in a marathon setting
23. see Kick-Ass
24. read The Silmarillion
25. read Watchmen
26. reread American Psycho
27. watch all of The Big Bang Theory
28. watch all of Venture Brothers

    Traditional Games:

29. make a huge Magic: the Gathering order
30. play in an MtG draft
31. build a working artifact deck
32. finalize decks with card protectors
33. buy a magic box
34. finish the RISK game
35. play Twilight Imperium
36. play Dominion
37. play Puerto Rico
38. have an honest to god Geek Night

    Video Games:

39. buy and beat Army of Two: 40th Day
40. beat Final Fantasy XIII
41. beat Final Fantasy XII
42. beat Mirror’s Edge
43. beat Overlord
44. beat Overlord II
45. beat Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
46. replay the Suikoden 1,2, and 5
47. routinely outplay Brentor in Call of Duty:MW2
48. play Starcraft 2
49. swear it off after Brentor feeds me his hatred in it

    Fitness and Self Improvement:

50. defeat Newbs every week in Shufflingdead basketball
51. buy a bike
52. get Newbs to come to Calgary to go zip-lining
53. run with my dog every morning before work
54. try to get Newbs to run with me in the morning
55. daily sit-ups
56. daily free-weight sets
57. participate in the Sonic 1K and Beer Gardens event
58. regular horseback riding
59. play squash every weekend

    Personal/Other:

60. barbeque once a week
61. have a bonfire at my dad’s house
62. have a party at my house
63. force Newbs to create Geek Night 4.0
64. attend Motion Notion
65. attend Boonstock
66. attend Sonic Boom
67. attend DMUSER’s Birthday
68. make DMUSER’s Birthday exceed previous levels of awesome
69. force myself to enjoy karaoke
70. use the word voracious in casual conversation
71. pacify the lady friend with a camping trip
72. pacify the lady friend by “baking her a fucking cake”
73. day hike with my dog
74. get an additional fence put in
75. commit mass herbicide, murdering grass and weed alike, in an effort to clear my lawn of hostiles
76. replace dead shrubs in front yard
77. get a new cell phone
78. change my cell phone plan to not suck for my new job
79. learn more about wine so that I don’t suck at my new job
80. clean out university email account
81. load iTunes and my iPod/music collection onto my laptop
82. organize music collection
83. remove all NWA, Spinal Tap, Colin James, Simcoe Street Mob, and Red Hot Chilipeppers tracks
84. get over my crush on Michelle Branch
85. buy new music
86. paint my bathroom
87. buy decorations of some kind for my house
88. replace and raise my basketball hoop
89. buy blinds to further my designs of a Nerd Den in my basement
90. get second stripper poster to balance the energy of the room (maybe a redhead)
91. buy a proper TV stand for the Nerd Den
92. buy real stereo and speakers for the Nerd Den
93. jerk off in the Nerd Den
94. fornicate in the Nerd Den
95. play a drinking game to while watching the Transformers Season 1
96. make my nemesis at McDonalds suffer
97. expand my sexual repetoire
98. get flowers for my lady friend, possibly in apology for the following two goals
99. titty fuck Christina Hendricks
100. two chicks at the same time

0/100 goals accomplished.
Strikethrough indicates goals I have accomplished.

I concluded the summer of ’09 promising to annualize the list and bring it back for 2010. I’m a lot busier heading into the summer of 2010, largely thanks to last year’s work, and undertaking this endeavour will certainly be difficult, but that’s exactly the sort of exciting challenge that define these kinds of lists.

Please note: there are repeats from last year, some because I never got them done, others because I’m excited to try them again. Instead of the weekly updates I ran last year, I will only be posting monthly updates for 2010, one each in the early days of June, July, August, and September.

Site Goals:

1. write a monthly update for this list
2. write monthly “The Dungeon’s Boss” updates
3. write a “Video Game Character Analysis: Furry Abominations” article
4. write a “Nerd Hovel” article
   
5. write more “Cosplay Idol” articles with sulci

6. do a Rock Band Stage Kit video review
7. start a new video series for the site, and run one episode a week
8. clean out folders of story source links
   
9. build or purchase some form of a backdrop for videos
   
10. figure out lighting for our videos
    
11. buy a microphone for podcasting

12. 400 YouTube subscribers
13. 200 Facebook fans
14. 100 Twitter followers
15. vigorously promote site
16. increase podcast listenership to the point that we have regular feedback
17. run four updates a day, with only half of them being mine
18. average 1154 daily hits in June
19. do a content swap with at least one other website
20. make enough money from the site to “quit my day job”
21. do a shirtless photo-shoot with DMUSER, and hold a contest on the site to give away the results

    Movies, TV, and Books:

22. buy and watch the complete Daria TV series
23. see The Expendables
24. see Resident Evil: Afterlife
25. finish watching Cowboy Bebop
26. participate in an all-day Star Wars marathon
    
27. see Twilight: Eclipse – know thy enemy!

28. see Iron Man 2
29. watch all of Freaks and Geeks
30. watch a TV series of my lady friend’s choosing
31. read Mona Lisa Overdrive
32. read The Subtle Knife
33. read The Amber Spyglass
34. read Watchmen
35. read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
36. read Blade of the Immortal
37. read god is not Great
38. read Your Money or Your Life

    Traditional Games:

39. make a huge Magic: the Gathering order

40. build a “garbage” draft cube for MtG
    
41. play in an MtG draft
    
42. buy MtG Deck Builder’s Toolkits with my lady friend

43. decorate my MtG box
44. play D&D
45. create and run another D&D campaign

    Video Games:

46. buy and beat Super Mario Galaxy 2

47. buy and beat Sin and Punishment: Star Successor
    
48. replay Donkey Kong Country 3

49. buy and replay Resident Evil 4 for Wii
50. replay No More Heroes 2
51. own Final Fantasies I through VI, beating the ones I haven’t already
52. beat Final Fantasy VII
53. own all Ace Attorney games, beating the ones I haven’t already
    
54. get an SNES Mouse

55. attend a video games media event
56. meet game creator legend Shigeru Miyamoto
57. steal his powers
58. best Reggie in a one-on-one battle of masculinity
59. buy, play, and “beat” Personal Trainer Walking
    
60. earn 600+ Club Nintendo points by June 30, and get something cool with them

    Fitness and Self Improvement:

61. learn Japanese
    
62. demolish all comers in Shufflingdead basketball

63. finish learning how to ride a bike
64. finish learning how to drive/get license
65. play Jai Alai
66. participate in free running
67. try zorbing
68. get in good enough shape to do the above three goals with my lady friend
69. go for an actual early-morning jog like real runners do
70. learn how to do laundry
71. learn how to cook
72. go walking with Dubious
73. learn how to swim
74. attempt yoga

    Personal/Other:

75. move out
76. get a cell phone
77. create a cheap, easy, and healthy diet for independent living
78. take lady friend on mystical oddeseysyesy (sp?)
79. learn how to spell “odyssey”
    
80. jerk off

81. attend Animethon
82. write every day
83. find another reason to say “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe”
84. clean out university email account
85. perform stand-up comedy
86. visit Japan
87. sing “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding” in a Japanese karaoke box
    
88. get a frame for my picture with Leonard Nimoy

89. get frames for pictures of Miyamoto, Reggie, and Iwata – the ultimate ironic triptych
90. do at least one drawing
91. dance and drink and screw, quite possibly because there’s nothing else to do
92. get a dakimakura
93. hold a stupid fake wedding with a random nerdy physical object and get internet famous for it
94. keep nose hair trimmed
95. attend another Shakespeare play
96. start an internet holy war between Sonic and Dragon Ball fans
    
97. replace the burned out light bulb behind me

98. get flowers for my lady friend, possibly in apology for the following two goals
99. titty fuck Christina Hendricks
100. two chicks at the same time

16/100 goals accomplished.
Strikethrough indicates goals I have accomplished.

If you have a look at the Archives drop down to the right, you’ll see that updates in March and April of 2009 were pretty minimal; they began to increase in May and June before taking off in July. That output has yielded clear results; hits are up about 750% from a year ago.

Content volume can’t take all the credit, however, as sulci’s tireless work on the site’s layout has certainly helped. I’d roughly call Shufflingdead’s current form Version 13 (Version 12 being her initial redesign), and it’s about as professional, clean, and sleek as I can imagine it.

Now, to talk about the immediate future. You might have noticed Shufflingdead’s update schedule has been juggled around a little lately. Shameful Human of the Week is now Thursdays, Articles are Mondays, and from today forward, Neckbeard & Wolfshirt comics hit Sundays, with the podcast coming out on Tuesdays. My recent re-employment has meant that News updates have been a bit slower lately, and while I certainly feel doing one a day is mandatory, always hitting two a day isn’t. Doing fewer, larger updates is easier, more satisfying, and seems to net just as many, if not more, hits.

Since we’ll be done Cock Wars descriptions after tomorrow, next week’s Article will be my annual Summer To-Do List, which I’m very much looking forward to both writing and pursuing. I no longer have a drought of update ideas like I did last year, and so the list will be updated monthly, rather than weekly. In the next few weeks, I also plan to launch a third video series here on Shufflingdead, one which will hopefully take us up to two videos a week. More on that to come. I also want to get myself in the habit of writing more regular The Dungeon’s Boss updates.

“The New and Thrilling Shufflingdead.com” project, which roughly began with the implementation of WordPress, continues to chug along nicely. Here are the phases as they have been up to this point:

Phase 1: Finish porting site over to WordPress
Phase 2: Update at least minimally
Phase 3: Promote site
Phase 4: Expand the Shufflingdead empire
Phase 5: Increase quality
Phase 6: Rejuvenate Shufflingdead’s layout and organization
Phase 7: Increase user interactivity
Phase 8: Update EVEN MORE

Those have all been taken care of, and to great success. Now, to announce the next three phases of the plan:

Phase 9: Focus and explore Shufflingdead’s scope In the last few weeks, we’ve quietly slimmed down the site’s coverage to gaming, entertainment, and nerd culture. I’d like to explore the new possibilities created by no longer trying to cover everything in equal measure. The first step, I think, will be more specifically tagging old updates.

Phase 10: Really promote site We’ve gotten good at whoring Shufflingdead out on link sharing and social networking sites, but it’s time to really up the proverbial ante. I’m talking about serious community-building projects (not unlike our recent SDGR contest), small ad buys, content swaps, and whatever else it might take to keep the site’s readership growing.

Phase 11: Bring on a stable of contributors sulci’s kept busy video editing and handling the technical side of the site. She, and other Shufflingdead celebs, pop up in videos, or with the odd piece, but updating generally falls to me. It’s time to reach out to the Shufflingdead community, my social network, and even the internet more broadly, to bring on a more robust lineup of writers, comic artists, and anyone else I can find.

Let’s go.

]]> http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/newbs/exclusive-mock-up-of-nintendo-3ds.php/feed 1 http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/the-dungeons-boss/games-played-no-more-heroes-desperate-struggle-and-a-bunch-of-classics.php http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/the-dungeons-boss/games-played-no-more-heroes-desperate-struggle-and-a-bunch-of-classics.php#comments Thu, 28 Jan 2010 23:27:52 +0000 Newbs http://shufflingdead.com/?p=4360 No More Heroes: Desperate Struggle: The sequel to one of my favourite Wii games, Desperate Struggle fixes a lot of what was wrong with the original, but also feels a little hollow. Although the first NMH had a lot of filler, the sequel has essentially none, and the game feels oddly paced because of it.

I love the 8-bit mini-games, but now they’re entirely optional, and there don’t seem to be any side-quests. Without the need to make money between boss fights, I feel like I’m just blasting my way through the game instead of taking the time to really enjoy the experience.

A bunch of classics: The Nerd Olympics 2010 are fast approaching, and for me, that means hardcore training. In the last couple weeks, I’ve revisited Mario Kart Wii, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Tetris, Bomberman, and many other classics. What’s great about a lot of these games is that while I’ve thoroughly played and beaten them, I haven’t necessarily 100%-ed them, which means I still have plenty to do. Beating the staff ghosts in Mario Kart is a fun challenge.

The disaster may change my strategy for gameplaying more generally this year, as well. I’m tempted to go back and relive some of my GameCube favourites and recreate those save files. This also makes me seriously want to buy RE4 for Wii, since I no longer have the New Game + keeping me tied to the GC version.

In these dark times, it is especially important to remember the good things. Last week, I uncovered a copy of Space Invaders for the Atari 2600 at a local thrift store for a whopping $0.99. Of course, I don’t actually have an Atari, but it’s still a fun highlight in my collection, and inspires me to get into true, as in, pre-NES, retro gaming.

You’ll see news posts by Jiffy popping up regularly over the next few weeks. When he’s finished his job and I no longer have use for him, he’ll be summarily executed and then fired for being dead.

Jiffy’s a good kid, so don’t be too hard on him.

I would also like to address a broader issue which is most apparent in Spirit Tracks, but has been a problem in the Zelda franchise since at least Ocarina of Time, and that is the erosion of interesting over worlds. Spirit Tracks‘ gameplay largely consists of the player completing a dungeon, returning to the Tower of Spirits where a couple special dungeon floors must be solved, and then heading out to yet another dungeon. I would like to see a stronger emphasis on the “other stuff” I had to do in games like Link to the Past between dungeons.

Puzzle Quest: Galactrix:… Accessing Data… here’s a painful fucking game. Galactrix takes the now established Bejeweled+RPG formula, and brings it into the dystopian future where… Accessing Data… DS games have evolved the need for load times. Additional Galactrix features include wildly unbalanced boss battles that require the player to grind for days before having a hope, a common puzzle type that depends on luck rather than skill or character level, and… Accessing Data… frequent menu navigation which queues up more load screens.

I found Galactrix, new, in a video store for $5, and that’s a great deal, even for a game I have come to hate. Despite my feelings toward the game, I can’t help but play it compulsively, the gameplay is extremely addictive. I have found the key is to constantly remind myself to stop clenching my jaw while waiting through load screens.

The tactics required for this are diverse, they involve:
1. Selling off games I no longer want, or which I will honestly never get around to playing
2. Buying the classic games I really want
3. Beating games with passion and intensity instead of letting them linger forever

To kick off this insane plan, I have delved into the deepest core of my anal-retentive nature, and assembled a complete list of my video game collection. This database, in addition to this blog, will give me something to manage over the course of this year as I slowly progress through the project. Enjoy marveling at my madness.

Legend:

GameBoy/GameBoy Color:

GameBoy Advance:

Nintendo DS:

NES:

SNES:

Nintendo 64:

GameCube:

Wii:

WiiWare/Virtual Console:

Sega Genesis:

Atari 2600:

PlayStation:

]]> http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/the-dungeons-boss/game-collection-database.php/feed 5 http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/newbs/comments-are-now-open.php http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/newbs/comments-are-now-open.php#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 00:31:23 +0000 Newbs http://shufflingdead.com/?p=3928 Comments on all posts here at Shufflingdead are now open. If you hate (or, unlikely though it may be, have some other sentiment) toward any individual piece of content here at the site, you may now announce that opinion to the world.

Look to the navigation bar at the far right of the site, and you will see a “Login” heading which provides you with everything you need to register and start posting here at Shufflingdead.com.

When viewing an update while logged in, you are now able to scroll to the bottom of that update and enter your comment. You’ll see a nice big box just ready for you to fill with your precious words. We at Shufflingdead are attention whores and we thrive on your participation. I thank everyone in advance for whatever they may have to say.

Why not start your commenting career by throwing something at this particular update?

Until now, only phases 1-5 of “The New and Thrilling Shufflingdead.com” project were known. They were:

Phase 1: Finish porting site over to WordPress
Phase 2: Update at least minimally
Phase 3: Promote site
Phase 4: Expand the Shufflingdead empire
Phase 5: Increase quality

Phase 5, I feel, has gone superbly. The “News” section of the site was introduced under this phase, and with it came an endless march of stories that I’ve had fun writing, and which I suspect have been fun for the Shufflingdead readership.

And now, it is my pleasure to introduce Phases 6 through 8 of the project:

Phase 6: Rejuvenate Shufflingdead’s layout and organization Phase 6 is an undertaking which ranks as one of the most exciting for me in the history of the site. sulci, who has already been kind enough to take over video editing for Shufflingdead, will also be working on the site’s layout, taking its quality to the highest realm. I will be helping out by making some of the older content’s URLs search engine friendly.

Phase 7: Increase user interactivity Shufflingdead has a great forum community, but I’d like to see our readers get more involved with the site, that’s why I will be opening up comments for all of Shufflingdead’s content. It would be possible, although unfeasibly frustrating and dangerous, to link the forums and front page, and so users will need to register separately for each service. Coming soon.

Phase 8: Update EVEN MORE Shufflingdead has a great number of theoretical volunteers, but few of them contribute with any regularity. Actually, few of them contribute at all. I will be leaning on my volunteers and on myself for higher output. Personally, I plan on clearing out a backlog of news stories I’ve been meaning to post, and then beginning a furious round of article writing.

Let’s begin the operation.

Last week, I discussed my experiences with Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and F-Zero: Maximum Velocity. I had already beaten those games by the time I wrote about them, and so, of course, I have moved on to yet more games. This week, I will be talking about some games that I am no where close to beating, Final Fantasy I and Final Fantasy II, from the Final Fantasy I & II: Dawn of Souls GBA collection.

Final Fantasy I: I haven’t so much been playing this game as staring at my save file, thinking about how much I hate it, and perusing GameFAQs for solutions. You see, FFI is a painful experience, full of random encounters, incoherent dungeons, and more random encounters. I find myself exactly where I left off with the game, which had to be at least two years ago, when I rage quit out of disgust. The game is designed to take as long as possible to play. The dungeons are mazes, the random encounters are painfully frequent, and there is little to no direction given, and so becoming lost and entering dungeons unnecessarily is quite possible! In fact, that is exactly the problem I face! Fuck this, I’m printing out an FAQ.

Final Fantasy II: This is a remarkably enjoyable game, especially considering its counterpart on the cartridge. FFII removes much of what makes FFI so annoying: it is obvious where you’re supposed to go next, and dungeons are small, simple, and laid out logically. Random encounters are still far too frequent, but because the game’s levelling system is readily broken (you can attack yourself for stat boosts), they are never a great hindrance. Based on what I’ve seen, I think FFII is near IV’s quality.

In the year of gaming that 2010 shall be, I hope to complete both of the above games. I will also probably acquire and beat Final Fantasies III and V (for DS and GBA respectively) so that I can say I’ve played all of the original six Final Fantasy games.

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: The Ace Attorney series is one of my favourites, and one that forces the DS near the top whenever I consider what might be the best game system. Because the first game in the series is hard to find in stores, I started with the second game in the franchise, loved it, moved on to the third, loved it, and then went to eBay for the first, this game. I went into Phoenix Wright pretty sure there were five cases, and so I was quite confused when I was finishing the fourth case and everything seemed to be tying up so neatly. It turned out that there was a fifth case, but it was one added later on when the game was ported to the DS, and so it has little to do with the rest of the game, and a lot to do with being on the DS. I found the first four cases to be of the same caliber as those found in the rest of the series, but the fifth case was slow, painfully long, and non-engaging, with just a few highlights coming from the DS-specific gameplay. This game is probably my least favourite of the series, but still a great game in its own right.

F-Zero: Maximum Velocity: A lot of the games in my collection were not bought with a “must have” mindset. Indeed, much of the fun in collecting games for me comes from obsessively looking for deals, waiting for sales, and scouring bargain bins. Buying F-Zero: Maximum Velocity stands as one of my proudest miser moments. I was in EB one day, staring at the lock-box of old games as I always do, and found a copy of this game for just a couple dollars. That’s cheap even for that box, where games are usually at least $6. The game was fairly enjoyable once I found a control setup I was comfortable with, although it doesn’t really add anything new to the original F-Zero formula. The game’s main Grand Prix mode isn’t set up for portable gaming very well, requiring you to play five tracks in a series (I would have preferred four, with one more series instead), and then sit through your results which are slow and unskippable.

After getting very close to purchasing a Hori GameCube Digital Controller, something designed specifically for playing handheld games on the GameCube, despite the now slightly crazy prices the thing goes for online, I had a flash of brilliance. Actually, it was my brain accessing a memory: I can use my GBA with the GameBoy Player! Although the GBA uses the same d-pad as the GameCube controller (literally, the same part), the GBA’s d-pad is positioned better, and is not sunk in like the d-pad on the GCN’s controller.

I’ve tried this new solution with a little F-Zero: Maximum Velocity, and found that, while not ideal, this control method is a vast improvement over the other options. The game kicked my ass every time I tried it all the way up until the GBA-GBP method, but now it seems easy.

Welcome to Brannigan 2009, Brannigan 6. It’s now time for the annual speech

Good evening. In less than an hour young adults from here will join others from around the world, and you will be launching the largest celebration in the history of mankind.

Mankind… That… word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences any more. We will be united in our common interests.

Perhaps it’s fate that today is in the month of November, and you will once again be fighting for our birthdays. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from annihilation. We’re partying for our right to live. To exist.

And should we win the day, the month of November will no longer be known as Wes and Newbs’ birthday, but as the month when the world declared in one voice, “We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!” We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive!

Today we celebrate our Birthday.

I’m not especially distraught about this failing, it was a good effort for a noble cause, and led to a much more reasonable gaming budget. For 2010, however, I want to attempt something more sweeping.

Next year, I plan to use this blog to map the epic journey I take as I systematically collect games for my older systems, and then conquer both those, as well as much of the lingering backlog of my youth. This includes N64, SNES, and even GameBoy games, some of which have been sitting on my shelf for more than a decade, unbeaten.

In a recent The Dungeon video, seen above, I mention that I still have Jurassic Park 2: The Chaos continues nagging at me from the darkest depths of my woe begotten youth. That game takes first place in what I call my “top three gaming demons.” Second place goes to Link’s Awakening, and third to The Adventure of Link. I’ve chosen Zelda games, because it’s my favourite franchise, and a true shame that I haven’t properly experienced all of it yet. Those three games, I predict, will be some of the ones I focus on first in this great undertaking.

I’m always worrying that Shufflingdead is far too gaming heavy, and I initially hesitated to even open this blog here, rather than on a new site, but hopefully Shufflingdead can contain this thing. Actually, it’s possible that by spewing my gaming-flavoured guts out here, I’ll be less inclined to talk about games everywhere else on the site.

I’m calling this blog “The Dungeon’s Boss” for several reasons. One, I want it to be obvious that this thing is about my experiences and opinions with games; I am “The Dungeon’s Boss.” Two, I want it to be loosely associated with my “The Dungeon” videos, which have a feel that I want to emulate here, and which often cover similar topics. Three, I wanted a nerdy reference, but decided a D&D reference (The Dungeon’s Master) didn’t make much sense; I went with what I pretend is a Zelda reference instead.

So, occurring at undetermined intervals hereafter, stay reading for answers to such burning questions as “what has Newbs been playing?,” and “what games has Newbs taken off his backlog this week?”

Three open letters:
Jewel
Amy Lee
William Shatner

Two blog posts:
On Blogging and Minish Cap
Minish Cap: Complete

And one Word of the Week:
Intense

These old updates eventually spawned the Blogs and Things of the Week sections, which have both become integral parts of Shufflingdead.com. In looking over these early attempts at creating small, less structured updates to the site, I became inspired. I’ve decided to start a new blog here at Shufflingdead, called The Dungeon’s Boss, the first update of which will be viewable later today.

If you have any thoughts regarding the news section, tags, or anything else on the site, you can let me know about them by using the all new contact page. Oooh. I’d be especially interested to hear opinions on Shufflingdead’s layout, since I’m playing with that right now.

I haven’t stopped thinking about the development of Shufflingdead, and am dedicated to keeping the site interesting to both our readers and to myself. Over the next couple of weeks, I plan on first shifting to a two-column layout rather than the current three, then adding tags to the content on the site, and finally launching a “news” section.

You might have seen some strange things going on with the front page this past weekend, and that was from me doing some early tests on these changes.

My plan is that I will have a daily news item appearing on the site, complete with sarcastic commentary from its poster. I’ll then shift to only having a couple TotWs running at a time, but continue the same number of total updates.

As I like to say, let’s begin.

That’s the only video they have on YouTube, but Ménage à Twang has plenty more songs on their MySpace.

As development of what I’ve been calling “The New and Thrilling Shufflingdead.com” continues, I’ve reached the point that I must now consider Phase 5 and beyond. Let’s look at the phases thus far:

Phase 1: Finish porting site over to WordPress
Phase 2: Update at least minimally
Phase 3: Promote site
Phase 4: Expand the Shufflingdead empire

All of those have now been accomplished, and for those that require an ongoing effort, those efforts continue. Now, what is Phase 5? Phase 5 is Increase quality. I’ve already laid out much of what I want to see happen with regard to content on the site: more articles, more videos, more comics, and more TotWs, with many of those things being contributions from people who aren’t me.

The other thing that I haven’t mentioned before is that I am also slowly trying to get the TotWs rejuvenated. Last week saw the rebirth of “Prehistoric Organism of the Week” as “Creature of the Week,” and I want to consider what other old TotW I can bring back like that, I’ve been mulling over “Game Character Q&A” specifically.

Phase 6 and beyond are still unknown.

Biggest Successes

While I only accomplished 30% of the list, much of what I managed to complete was not simply coincidental. The effort that has gone into Shufflingdead, and that I hope continues even now that the list’s deadline has passed, has very much been in response to the Shufflingdead-related goals of the list, like #64, expand the Shufflingdead empire.

Even some goals that were left incomplete still managed to be a positive force. I’m thinking specifically of #11, get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity. I didn’t get quite that ripped, but I did work out a lot more than ever before.

I also consider the list itself to have been incredibly successful and enjoyable. I liked having a little something to blog about each week, I liked having a convenient list to refer to when I was bored, and I especially liked the list as a motivating force in actually doing things other than lying on the couch. The summer of 2010 will certainly feature another such list.

Biggest Failures

Although I can write off a lot of the missed goals as simply being unreasonable, there were several completely doable goals that I just didn’t get around to, and that would have been incredibly fun and satisfying. I’m disappointed that I didn’t even look into #45, perform stand-up comedy, for example. I consider those kinds of missed goals to have been my biggest failures relating to the list, not the broader 70% incompletion rate.

Lessons for Next Year

I’ve learned that it’s vital to set realistic goals with clearly defined finish lines. While some of my goals were as simple as #98, see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, others lacked clarity, like #46, avenge my childhood. Some goals were virtually impossible, like #94, attend the real Olympic games. Well, there were no Olympic games going on in the summer of 2009. Granted, I had declared the summer of ’09 to end whenever I say it ended, and so I only say virtually impossible, because I could have stretched the summer all the way until the winter of 2010. That reminds me of another important lesson: have deadlines for your goals.

Even when goals are not unrealistic, I’ve learned that they still need to take into account my life as it is. #32 declared “buy more Magic cards than there are cells in my body.” I think I meant that goal to be metaphorical; I just wanted to buy lots of Magic cards. Having said that, I simply did not have the money to be buying large numbers of Magic cards this summer, and so the goal was a poor one. Additionally, buying Magic cards is not much of an ambition, and completing the goal would have been more depressing than satisfying.

For next year’s list, I certainly plan on including some of the more reasonable missed goals of this summer, but it will mostly be new material. Finally, I want to be able to actually complete the full list in a four month window, even if that means not declaring my intention to conquer death, as per #67.

Hello,
Following my viewing of Watchmen this evening, I made my traditional post-movie visit to the men’s washroom. I noticed that the floor was quite wet, and although curious, I was not overly concerned. As I was exiting my stall I heard the toilet completing my flush, and was then blasted with a torrent of ejaculating toilet water. I flung the door open and leaped from the stall like an action movie star. My friend who was washing his hands at the time witnessed the event, and described the water reaching 7-feet high.

My initial awe at the event caused me to leave the premises as soon as I had informed a staff-member of the danger lurking in the men’s room. It did not occur to me at the time to confront a manager and discuss the horror which surely warranted a recompense of some kind. I come to you now to ask sincerely for some payback for the terror which I endured on your premises.

Goals Completed this week:
1. write every day

Most days, I at least updated this site, and the days that I didn’t, I was working on other writing projects.

10. fuck

It was awhile ago, I didn’t say anything to be respectful of the lady.

12. get off from a blowjob

If I were to quote this as “get… a blowjob,” it would be quite true. I’m checking this one off.

21. collaborate with [person] creatively

We’re working on something.

27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich

True if you ignore the “until I’m rich” part. I think this goal was figurative, I couldn’t literaly spend $0, but I spent very little.

36. don’t succumb to The Man

I just got a job, which might sound like succumbing, but I continue to update Shufflingdead, and refuse to let my job get in the way of that.

37. don’t be lazy

I’m still not the most active person, but I did a lot better this summer than I usually do in terms of actually putting some energy into living.

64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

A successful new video series, 10 updates a week, and a rapidly growing hit count all tell me I did this one.

89. own Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

Just ordered on eBay.

Final tally: 30% done!

Note: later research led me to discover that it wasn’t so much different battery-save technology, but rather simply, the inclusion of an internal clock that causes the game to die. Overall, the argument still stands, as the inclusion of such a feature did cause the game to have a limited life expectancy, and one shorter than normal cartridge games.

I purchased Pokémon Gold, new, when the game was first released. Recently, I went to play the game again and found that it no longer functioned properly. My save data had disappeared, and when I attempted to start over, found that the game is no longer capable of holding save data.

Researching this issue led me to discover that the Pokémon Gold and Silver games were made using different battery-save technology than your other cartridge-based games. This was an intentional design of the Pokémon Gold and Silver games, and the loss of functionality of these games must have been anticipated. I am absolutely dismayed to find that I was misled into purchasing a product with a built-in life expectancy. I have a long history of purchasing Nintendo products, and have come to trust in the quality of those products. In this instance, I have found my trust in your company to have been betrayed.

Your form asks that I let you know how you may help. I would like to be sent a copy of the game’s remake, Pokémon HeartGold, upon its North American release. I would accept this gesture as an apology for your grievous mistake, and an adequate recompense for the disappointment I have suffered at the hands of your product.

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
37. don’t be lazy
40. watch 2001: A Space Odyssey
48. sing Kelly Clarkson at karaoke
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
68. clean out university email account
71. buy [person] a SomethingAwful forums account
73. upload old, embarrassing pictures of my friends to Facebook
75. learn how to ride a bike
79. draw Amy Lee
89. own Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

Numbers 40, 48, 68, 71, 73, 79, and 89 have all been added, as I feel that I can reasonably get them all done in the one week that I have left. Next week, I will be crossing off a ton of stuff anyway, as I have several “do [blank] every day” type goals, as well as some half-done goals that I’m just going to give myself, but I really want to go out with a flurry of crossing-off.

Ongoing Goals:
1. write every day
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich
36. don’t succumb to The Man

When I make my final update next week, I plan on running through the longer term goals and deciding which ones I can claim to have accomplished. If I do not succumb to The Man by then, then I suppose I will have completed that goal. However, even though I worked out nearly every single day this summer, I will surely be unable to say that I am in good enough shape to fuck with impunity.

Goals Completed this week:
17. cackle like a comic book villain

Recently, I posted a video on YouTube in which I discussed with my female guests the MMO genre of games. One viewer replied “two girls talkin MMO’s…this dude has definativley won.” When I read that, I cackled like a comic book villain.

21% done!

Nothing will replace Screwy in the Friday slot, as I’d like to have a proper two days off from the site every week. I don’t quite know what will replace the slot opening up on Wednesday. My hope is that one of the many people claiming to be working on stuff for me will step forward and give me some content.

My eventual goal is to run, each week, two comics (one by me, one by someone else), two videos (one The Dungeon, one SDGR), two articles (one by me, one by someone else), and 4 Things of the Week (at least one by someone who isn’t me).

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
37. don’t be lazy
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
75. learn how to ride a bike

I’ve decided that summer will end with my 16th to-do list update. That means that after this post, I will only have two weeks to complete my 80 remaining goals. I’m going to cut my losses on some of the bigger goals, and just do as many of the smaller ones as possible in a goal-completing flurry.

Ongoing Goals:
1. write every day
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich
36. don’t succumb to The Man

While I’m sure that when things conclude I’ll be able to cross #1 off the list, I’m becoming rather confident that some of these other ones will not be done in time.

Goals Completed this week:
16. become a video game ninja
23. clean out my porn folder

I’ve decided to give myself #16 because of a stunning Tetris accomplishment. I played for 75 minutes and reached 1347 lines. My final score was 3,127,721

As you can see, I played for 75 minutes and got 1347 lines! I could have kept going too; I forced myself to stop in order to escape the time-draining nature of the activity.

20% done!

When asked “please tell us what you think about Intro Packs” I responded:

Intro packs are ridiculous. What is the purpose of a 41 card theme deck that isn’t legal in any format? The booster pack included is of little value to me, I prefer to know what I’m getting and usually buy singles or at least draft.

When asked “please tell us what you think about Fat Packs” I responded:

I have no need for a (terrible) Magic novel, or any of the other paraphernalia offered in the Fat Packs. Please, instead, sell products that your customers would appreciate, such as singles or reasonably priced dual lands.

I encourage others to respond to the survey and give similar answers. Intro and Fat packs are both awful products that could easily be replaced by far more desirable ones. The questions you get will vary depending upon what you say at the beginning of the survey, but presumably you’ll get a chance to stick it to Wizards no matter what.

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
16. become a video game ninja
23. clean out my porn folder
37. don’t be lazy
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
75. learn how to ride a bike

You really have to wonder just how lazy a person must be to try and fail, for an entire summer, to get up at 6am. That makes #37 my real goal, I suppose, to be followed by all the others. If I could just not be so lazy.

I added #75, learn how to ride a bike this week. I felt I needed something where I could really apply myself, but that would also be free. Additionally, riding a bike will help fulfill goal #11, get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity.

Ongoing Goals:
1. write every day
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich
36. don’t succumb to The Man

I think I’d like to re-apply myself on goal #1, and do some truly hardcore writing. Henry Chinaski has inspired me.

Goals Completed this week:
60. be able to say “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.”
66. go to Animethon

I managed to complete #66 this weekend, and it allowed me to simultaneously fulfill the requirements for #60, because of, well, Animethon.

18% done!

Garfunkel and Oates have plenty of great videos on their YouTube channel.

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
16. become a video game ninja
23. clean out my porn folder
37. don’t be lazy
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

Hilariously, I still haven’t finished cleaning out my porn folder, even though I did my music folder in a single sitting. The difference is, I suppose, that the porn is much more “distracting.”

I’ve switched from trying to wake myself up via alarm to via radio. Hopefully, maybe, there will come a time when I don’t just turn the damn thing off, feel annoyed, and roll over.

Obviously, I’m still struggling with #37, considering the length of this week’s update.

Ongoing Goals:
1. write every day
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich
36. don’t succumb to The Man

I’m working on it, damn it!

Goals Completed this week:
24. clean out my music folder

16% done!

In the modern era of webmastery, you can’t just sit by and hope search engines like you, you have to reach out to your audience (otherwise known as whore yourself) and get them to give you a hand.

Right now, the Shufflingdead.com fan page on Facebook has a mere 17 members, and that’s only 17% of the 100 needed for the page to get a custom URL. Otherwise, we’re stuck with an ugly, crazy URL, and that’s not good for anybody.

So please, check out the Shufflingdead.com Facebook page, and become a fan today!

By the way, welcome to Facebook week!

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
16. become a video game ninja
23. clean out my porn folder
37. don’t be lazy
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

The new goal this week is #23, clean out my porn folder. As with so many things in life, a porn folder left unchecked can easily go from small and orderly to unkempt and unmanageable. I’m trying to tame the wild porn folder by re-ordering some things, and deleting a lot more.

#16 continues with mixed results. I feel that I’ve really upped my Mario Kart Wii skills, unlocking much of what I had left. Still, a few nagging things remain, and I’ve sort of lost interest. I’ve started playing DDR Mario Mix and StarFox 64 again, with the hope of unlocking everything/earning all the medals in both games. While my initial progress in both is promising, I can’t help but think I’ll lose interest with these as well before I’ve truly mastered them.

Ongoing Goals:
1. write every day
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich
36. don’t succumb to The Man

I’ve decided to add a category of ongoing goals to these weekly updates in order to keep the “Currently Pursuing” list fresh while still demonstrating my commitment to completing these longer term goals. These are goals that are a little harder to say that I’ve definitively completed, or that will simply be completed automatically when the summer ends so long as I keep working on them until then.

Goals Completed this week:
26. come up with a list to post in my room of decrees to live by

I have a long tradition of posting a list of certain rules to live by on the tack-board in my room. The previous list held several items relating specifically to school, like “don’t buy food at school.” Since I’m done school, a new list was needed. The new rules/decrees are: don’t spend money, read and write, get up early, and apply for jobs. All of which actually relate to the summer goals list as well, they’re a sort of super-refined version of the list, containing only the most broad and important pursuits.

15% done!

The most common phrases are quite dull now. In the past, most people were being brought to the site by searching for Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny, I think due to some unusually highly ranked images on an image search. That’s been corrected, so it’s a lot of “shuffling dead” and “summer to do list” now.

Of the 302 search keyphrases that have led people to Shufflingdead so far in the month of July 2009, 24 contain the word “cock.” That may sound like a lot, but I’m personally disappointed because I had read through it earlier and thought I had seen a lot more. Still, 8% of all searches that led people to the site were related to “cock,” I suppose that’s not entirely surprising considering how frequently the word’s been used over the history of the site. Some of the particular searches that used the word are a little more surprising though, highlights include: “anakin sucks emperor s cock,” “shots of scottish cock,” and “french hockey mask cock.” I like to think that someone, somewhere, is fantasizing about Anakin Skywalker and Emperor Palpatine fucking, desperately searching for some fan art or fan fiction that depicts it.

Out of all the other search keyphrases, one other stands out to me, “using unprotected sex in d&d.” That’s just inspiring. I wonder what sort of skill check you should make to see if you got knocked up. Nature?

Currently Pursuing:
1. write every day
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
16. become a video game ninja
37. don’t be lazy
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

For the past week I’ve really focused on #16, but it’s turning out to be much more difficult than I had expected. I’ve now gotten all golds in the target practice in Perfect Dark as well as cleared the first three levels on Perfect Agent, but I feel like that’s about as far as I’m going to get in that game, and that’s not very ninja-esque.

I wonder, as I always do, if this will be the week I finally start waking up at 5am.

Goals Completed this week:
70. clean out my old school junk
98. see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Well, I boxed up the remainder of my school notes that were sitting around and threw the boxes into my closet with all of the other boxes of school junk. That’s enough cleaning for me. Going through every single item I’ve received or written on from kindergarten through year five of university is a project for a distant future when I’m so old I can’t do anything more interesting.

I also saw Harry Potter 6 this week, it was pretty good! I enjoyed the teenage drama, which was always my favourite part of the books. I also thought the kids’ acting has really improved, but the acting skill of Hermione’s breasts puts them all to shame.

14% done

Currently Pursuing:
1. write every day
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
16. become a video game ninja
37. don’t be lazy
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

New to the list of goals I’m currently pursuing is #16, become a video game ninja. I’m looking at getting back into some older games that I might have beaten but never truly conquered. Along with listed goals like #3 complete Ocarina of Time 100%, #4 unlock Luigi in Super Mario Galaxy, and #55 beat all levels in Donkey Kong Country 2, I’m hoping to go back and unlock more, if not everything in: Perfect Dark, TimeSplitters: Future Perfect, Mario Kart Wii, F-Zero GX, and others. My ninjahood will be unquestionable!

A new goal that I have for myself over the next few weeks is to have a more intensive pursuit of all the goals on my list, with the hope that I can knock a bunch of the quick and easy ones off to make way for more of the big goals.

Goals Completed this week:
38. don’t be gross

Just before sitting down to write this update I clipped my very repulsive toenails into submission. With this, along with the recent accomplishment of #33 keep my pubes shaven, and a generally less horrifying disposition towards life, I feel that I can claim to not be gross.

12% done!

Check it out.

Currently Pursuing:
1. write every day
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
37. don’t be lazy
38. don’t be gross
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

The newest addition to this list is #1, write every day. I made it #1 on the big list because I felt it was probably the most important and most profound entry out of everything on the list. I want to be a writer, and writers write constantly. I’m starting to push myself more to try to get the site updated every single day, as well as to work on other writing projects that I have in mind, and so this seems like a good time to formally dedicate myself to the objective.

Goals Completed this week:
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
77. have Shufflingdead updated three times a week

The time finally came to admit that talking about this to-do list eight weeks running was enough to call #35 completed. Similarly, Shufflingdead has been update three times a week for the same number of weeks, I see that as the new baseline for the site and am now looking to update it even more than that, and so #77 has also been accomplished.

11% done!

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
14. make more money than God and then become God
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
37. don’t be lazy
38. don’t be gross
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
77. have Shufflingdead updated three times a week

The new item I’m pursuing this week is #14, make more money than God and then become God. I need to start making money, I’ve been broke long enough. Of course, I’ll have to do this while minding goal #36, don’t succumb to The Man.

I still don’t have a clear idea of how to go about accomplishing this particular goal. After all, even if I manage to get a job that doesn’t involve succumbing, any job with an employer likely doesn’t pay well enough to make more money than God. Questions such as “who is God?” and “how much money does he have?” also present themselves.

Goals Completed this week:
33. keep my pubes shaven
82. earn 800 Club Nintendo Coins and get something awesome with them

I think I’ve managed to maintain my pubes long enough to cross-out #33, no one should be subjected to reading about my status with regards to that particular goal every single week. I managed to get exactly 800 club Nintendo points just before the deadline and decided to go with the Hanafuda cards, I’m anticipating displaying them on my nerd shelf.

9% done!

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
33. keep my pubes shaven
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
37. don’t be lazy
38. don’t be gross
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
77. have Shufflingdead updated three times a week

I decided not to add anything new this week since I’d rather continue pursuing these things and see what crops up otherwise. Once I’ve cleared a few of these, I’ll move onto other, even more absurd quests.

I am actually making progress on #11, if I move my hand around, I can see muscle in my forearm that I couldn’t before. And yet, if I suck my stomach in as much as possible, and then poke at it, I still can’t find any damn muscles there.

I’ve been enjoying doing my new series of videos, The Dungeon, but they haven’t caused an explosion of new readers for the site, and so I’m still not satisfied enough to cross off #64.

Goals Completed this week:
25. finish fixing Shufflingdead.com

As I said here, the planned repairs on Shufflingdead are now done, but in the process of repairing the site, I found more stuff I wanted to fix. I’ll probably take care of those things later on, but I’ve done enough to strikeout the goal, anyway.

7% done!

Note that the links on the left to the forums and the old site are gone. The old site is gone, so there’s nothing left to link to, and the link to the forums is now on the right, where all of the other community and networking links are.

The effort required to bring over Blogs, Cock Wars, Comics, and Things of the Week was minimal compared to porting over Articles. I had to sift through hundreds of text files and associated images, refer to a database I was kind enough to myself to make to keep track of all the old updates, update code, and copy and paste so much damn stuff that I can’t help but marvel.

My main problem was determining how to reorganize the categories into a fewer number of more logical categories. Some of them were based on the topic of the articles, and some on the type of article. I was especially worried that if I started changing everything around, that I’d lose incoming links and Google page rank. Then, just Tuesday night, I discovered that I can change URLs as much as I want, and WordPress will redirect people using the old links to the correct pages! I had a pretty merry stroll around the room when I found that out. I’ve decided that articles will be organized according to their topic, although I haven’t quite finished sorting those out yet, so some stuff is still getting moved around. The point is that it’s up now.

Well, almost everything is up. I decided to delete the most embarrassing of the embarrassing. Not surprisingly, there’s still plenty up to be embarrassed about, and even when the text itself isn’t embarrassing, a lot of the images are weirdly sized and positioned. The URLs are also not remotely optimized for search engines. I’ve finished fixing the site as much as I had planned to, but fixing it has caused me to find more stuff to fix.

Now, onto the continuing development of the new and thrilling Shufflingdead.com:
Phase 1: Finish porting site over to WordPress
Phase 2: Update at least minimally
Phase 3: Promote site
Phase 4: Expand the Shufflingdead empire
Phase 5 and beyond: still unknown

Phase 1 is done! Phase 2 is going well and continues (although my eventual goal is to get the site updated twice a day)! Now it’s time to smash into Phase 3! I’m still considering how I might do this.

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
25. finish fixing Shufflingdead.com
33. keep my pubes shaven
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
37. don’t be lazy
38. don’t be gross
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
77. have Shufflingdead updated three times a week

I’m getting pretty excited about the now nearly complete #25. I think it’s safe to say that I’ll be crossing that one off on next week’s update. The fixing is going well, and yesterday I discovered something that made me believe that WordPress is a magical thing. I’ll make a dull, detailed list of all that’s gone on to fix the site once it’s done.

The new item that I’m pursuing this week is #77, although I guess I’ve been pursuing that one for awhile already. The site’s been updated three times a week four weeks running, and even more than that lately. That’s another one I’ll give myself in a few weeks.

Goals Completed this week:
2. replay some of my old favourite games

I replayed No More Heroes more thoroughly, getting the real ending, and I also blew through New Super Mario Bros. (just playing to the end, not unlocking stuff). I’m sure there will be plenty more games that I replay, but two is enough to count this goal done.

6% done!

Join Shufflingdead.com in celebrating Captain Picard Day, today, June 16th. However you want to celebrate, by making the Captain a fine gift, shaving your head, or even killing Sisko’s wife, just remember to engage.

Currently Pursuing:
2. replay some of my old favourite games
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
25. finish fixing Shufflingdead.com
33. keep my pubes shaven
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
37. don’t be lazy
38. don’t be gross
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

Many goals on my list are pretty vague in terms of what’s actually needed to complete them. For example, #35 states that I want to run a weekly blog update about the to-do list. This post is the fourth such update that I’ve run in a row, so I’m wondering if I can count it yet. I realize that this is a summer to-do list and that it might make sense to wait until I’ve done it every week of summer, but I also said summer would end whenever I say it ends (and that this is also a bit like a life’s to-do list), so I don’t think I’m required to do an entry every week for the rest of my life to count the goal as done. I guess I’ll wait a few more weeks before I call that one.

The new goal I’ve added this week is #25 finish fixing Shufflingdead.com. I’ve been shuffling many, many very old files relating to old articles around on my computer, getting ready to enter them into WorPress. As they are so old, a lot of them are also very embarrassing, and so I’m weeding out the few that are so atrocious I feel the need to take them out of the reach of public viewing for good.

Goals Completed this week:
74. attend my university convocation

I’ve officially graduated from university! Good life, here I come!

5% done!

Currently Pursuing:
2. replay some of my old favourite games
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
33. keep my pubes shaven
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
37. don’t be lazy
38. don’t be gross
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

The only new goal I can really say that I’m pursuing this week is #2. I’ve been playing through No More Heroes again, inspired by the recently released trailer for the sequel, which has got me pretty excited. I might consider playing Mario Galaxy again, thanks to the announced sequel to that. Actually, replaying New Super Mario Bros. seems most likely, I’m pretty pumped about New Super Mario Bros. Wii. The fact that I know all about this indicates that I’m still struggling with #37 and #38.

I sprained my ankle, which means running is out for now, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped my attempt at #11. Indeed, I’ve dug out the weight bench once again (I’ve made small goes at weightlifting a few times), and am in the process of “getting ripped.”

I feel that #64 won’t be complete until I’ve really done something new with the site that earns actual notice from the internet world outside my immediate fandom of real life friends. I’m considering more YouTube videos, that might be enough.

Goals Completed this week:
47. go walking with [person]

4% done now!

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
33. keep my pubes shaven
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
37. don’t be lazy
38. don’t be gross
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

Most of these haven’t changed from last week. For some of them I feel like progress is being made, and for others progress has stalled. #64 continues as I work on the site’s Twitter, deviantArt, and YouTube pages, and I’ll probably be able to cross it off sometime soon. #7 is a much bigger struggle, I just gravitate towards staying up all night, reversing that is proving pretty tough.

The new additions are #37 and #38. Not being lazy is going to be absurdly difficult, it’s pretty much my modus operandi, and in recent weeks it’s actually gotten worse. I’m not entirely sure what an end to laziness even entails, probably pursuing more things from the list.

The thing about being lazy is that at least people can readily identify it. If you ask someone on the street what a gross person is, they might give you an example of a celebrity that terrifies them, “Jeffrey Jones is gross,” but they probably couldn’t give you a definition. So how do I not be gross? Have more showers? Not be perverted? Be perverted but not talk about it? For me, #38 is really a sister goal of #37 and may actually be achieved simultaneously. Not being gross, for me, is not being utterly lethargic.

Goals Completed this week:
72. transplant and trim my bonsai

3% done. That’s something, I guess, but my pace has slowed (last week I completed two items). Hopefully I’ll be able to win lottery this week, and then I’ll really start knocking down some goals.

Currently Pursuing:
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
33. keep my pubes shaven
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire

Do you know what a skinny-fat person is? Allow me to use Urban Dictionary to explain: “A dude who has a gut and little girl arms. It is an implied insult that he does not benefit from fat guy arms, by which fat guys at least get to be tough looking.” This is a not inaccurate way of describing my physical appearance. I am a skinny fat person, and that’s not at all conducive to fucking with impunity.

So far #11, and its sister goal #7, are progressing, although slowly. I practiced my b-balling skills on the asphalt court of the mean streets on Saturday, and it made my shoulders hurt and filled my socks with sweat, so that must count as exercise. I’ve also slowly shifted my wake-up time from 2pm at the start of May to a more reasonable 10am, although it’s still nowhere near the 5-6am that I’m imagining I will need to jog without having to fear hecklers.

#64 is also coming along. I started up a Twitter page for the site, so that’s something.

Goals Completed this week:
63. delete fake users from Shufflingdead forums
65. jerk off tonight

2% done already! Obviously, those were just as challenging as learning French or conquering death will be.

Like Lawrence’s cousin, I don’t do shit, I have no life. Well, alright, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I have a life, it is a very dull life, and it consists of the following:

• sleeping in until at least noon
• laying on the couch (either to watch TV or play video games)
• watching videos on YouTube
• trawling Facebook for pictures of hot girls I know
• reading personals on Craigslist to make me feel better about myself
• walking
• drinking
• playing Magic
• playing D&D
• generally nerding it up

Check out my latest progress reports:

Summer ‘09 To-Do List: Concluding Ruminations

List making has been an obsession of mine over the last few years; I’ve made lists for everything from games I want to beat to places I want to travel to. I think lists are great, it’s very satisfying to cross things off of them. I’ve decided to start up a new list, it’s not going to be a master list of all the other lists, or even a remotely exhaustive list. This is something like a cross between a summer to-do list, and a life’s goals list, with summer ending whenever I say it ends. I’m going to come back each Wednesday and discuss my progress with the various goals listed, and cross them out as I accomplish them. Yes, this kind of to-do list is very “what I did with my blog in 2004,” but what is Shufflingdead if not 5 years behind the rest of the world? Names have been removed to, as they say, “protect the innocent.”

1. write every day
   
2. replay some of my old favourite games

3. complete Ocarina of Time 100%
4. unlock Luigi in Super Mario Galaxy
5. make another D&D campaign
6. run
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
8. get driver’s license
9. destroy [person] in an argument
   
10. fuck

11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
    
12. get off from a blowjob

13. write like death is upon me, and that my efforts will be the only thing for which I will be remembered
14. make more money than God and then become God
15. reign fire down upon the wicked
    
16. become a video game ninja
    
17. cackle like a comic book villain

18. read Watchmen
19. start a podcast
20. start doing game review videos again
    
21. collaborate with [person] creatively

22. get my writing published and get paid for it
    
23. clean out my porn folder
    
24. clean out my music folder
    
25. finish fixing Shufflingdead.com
    
26. come up with a list to post in my room of decrees to live by
    
27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich

28. when I’m rich, spend lots of money
29. move out of my parent’s house
30. buy a house
31. buy a car
32. buy more Magic cards than there are cells in my body
    
33. keep my pubes shaven

34. own a godly video game collection (to go along with my godly place in the universe)
    
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
    
36. don’t succumb to The Man
    
37. don’t be lazy
    
38. don’t be gross

39. buy a suit
40. watch 2001: A Space Odyssey
41. get my passport
42. perform oral sensual pleasuring on a woman
43. write a novel
44. be TIME’s person of the year AGAIN
45. perform stand-up comedy
46. avenge my childhood
    
47. go walking with [person]

48. sing Kelly Clarkson at karaoke
49. go on a vacation outside of North America
50. visit western Europe
51. visit eastern Europe
52. visit Japan
53. have an orgy with a bunch of Japanese women in my Tokyo hotel room
54. titty fuck Fuko, Anna Ohura, and/or Hitomi Tanaka
55. beat all levels in Donkey Kong Country 2
56. meet a celebrity
57. be a celebrity
58. be published on a website other than my own
59. become death, the destroyer of worlds
    
60. be able to say “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.”

61. finish [person]‘s website
62. see [person]‘s tits
    
63. delete fake users from Shufflingdead forums
    
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
    
65. jerk off tonight
    
66. go to Animethon

67. conquer death
68. clean out university email account
69. run a successful gaming website
    
70. clean out my old school junk

71. buy [person] a SomethingAwful forums account
    
72. transplant and trim my bonsai

73. upload old, embarrassing pictures of my friends to Facebook
    
74. attend my university convocation

75. learn how to ride a bike
76. learn French well enough to watch Amelie without subtitles
    
77. have Shufflingdead updated three times a week

78. build a Lego tower out of all my Lego
79. draw Amy Lee
80. read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
81. read Mona Lisa Overdrive
    
82. earn 800 Club Nintendo Coins and get something awesome with them

83. go to the opera
84. go to a musical
85. see another of Shakespeare’s plays performed
86. go on a hot-air-balloon ride
87. learn how to swim
88. own a telescope
    
89. own Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

90. watch all of Freaks and Geeks
91. go to a free yoga lesson
92. try zorbing
93. win NaNoWriMo
94. attend the real Olympic games
95. be elected to political office
96. become Doctor Newbs
97. take a design course
    
98. see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

99. be the Nerd Olympics champion
100. two chicks at the same time

30/100 Goals Accomplished
Strikethrough indicates goals I have accomplished.
Bold indicates goals I am currently pursuing.

Welcome to Brannigan 2008, Brannigan 5. The finest Brannigan that there has ever been.

It’s now time for the annual speech and song. This year it’s actually a speech followed by a poem.

Speech:

Welcome! Welcome to a new year at Brannigan!
Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are:
Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
Thank you!

Poem:

This poem is dedicated to a fine young lady who I know. Don’t worry, she gave me permission to do this.

This poem is called “My precious”

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.
DMUSER has a Magic card named Grim-Poppet.
Monopoly is my game, not into Bop-it.
You always turn me down, sure wish you would stop it.

At Brannigan last, one long year ago today.
If I recall, my love for you I did convey.
On our dates I would split the pay.
I’m just really really cheap that way.

And now it’s time for a refrain.
How I honour that John McClain.
Zoolander, film with Billy Zane.
Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain.

I do enjoy it when we fight.
While my views are always right.
And yours certainly a little light.
I still think you’re lookin’ tight.

Last time I wrote a poem for a girl.
She never let me give her a necklace pearl.
But she did date me for a whirl.
How ‘bout it woman, even though I make you hurl?

Thank you.

Speech:

I’d just like to thank everyone for coming to Brannigan 2007. It’s time now for the annual speech and song. As many of you know, this has been the year of drama, and this speech is dedicated to all of those who got caught up in it. This is called Coronation of Newbius One.

Fellow Nerds, I come to you in the wake of recent events, to issue a call to reason. Let no human deny the perils of our time. While we battle one another, divided by the petty strife of our common history, the tide of a greater conflict is turning against us. Threatening to destroy all that we have accomplished.

It is time for us as nations, and as individuals, to set aside our long standing feuds and unite. The tides of an unwinable war are upon us. And we must seek refuge upon higher ground, lest we be swept away by the flood. The Corner is no more. Whatever semblance of unity and protection it once provided is a phantom, a memory. With our enemies left unchecked, who will you turn to for protection?

The devastation wrought by the age invaders is self evident. We have seen our homes bought and communities contributed to by the calculated blows of adulthood. We have seen first hand our friends and loved ones consumed by the nightmarish careers. Unprecedented and unimaginable, though they may be, these are the signs of our time.

The time has come my fellow Nerds, to rally to a new banner. In unity lies strength. Already many of the dissident factions have joined us. Out of the many we shall forge an indivisible whole. Capitulating only to a single throne. And from that throne, I shall watch over you.

From this day foreword let no human make war upon any other human. Let no Nerd agency conspire against this new beginning. And let no man consort with aging powers. And to all the enemies of humanity, seek not to bar our way, for we shall win through, no matter the cost.

Song:

Thank you. I will now butcher a song. This is by Janis Ian, with contributions from me, it’s called Twenty-three is Number One.

I learned the truth at swenty-three
That love was meant for beauty queens
and high school girls with clear skinned smiles
who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
were spent on one more beautiful
At twenty-three I learned the truth

And those of us with ravaged faces
lacking in the social graces
desperately remained at home
inventing lovers on the phone
who called to say – come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn’t all it seems at seventeen

My hopes are that with this new, less embarrassing version, I will be inspired to update more, and that my “staff” will feel the same way, and that those “staff” will tell their “staff” to start updating, until eventually the site is updated semi-regularly!

Let us begin!

Speech:

This poem is for someone, but you know who you are. This poem is called Brannigan’s Love. (pause)

Brannigan’s Law
I’ll get you like Doctor Claw
A pact made in Warsaw.

Is like Brannigan’s love
Not a concept of wuv
Enterprise orbits above.

Hard and fast
Like the Black Pearl’s mast
And a fireball cast.

Just turned twenty-two
This day I rue
Balls are still blue.

Song:

(bow) I shall now butcher a song.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried.
I’ve had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say – not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way.

Speech:

Alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits. I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Song:

It´s been a long road, getting from there to here.
It´s been a long time, but my time is finally near.
And I will see my dream come alive at last. I will touch the sky.
And they’re not gonna hold me down no more, no they’re not gonna change my mind.

Cause I’ve got faith of the heart.
I’m going where my heart will take me.
I’ve got faith to believe. I can do anything.
I’ve got strength of the soul. And no one’s gonna bend or break me.
I can reach any star. I’ve got faith, I’ve got faith, faith of the heart.

• Advice
• Computers
• Conspiracies
• Dating
• Extracurricular
• Fun
• Galleries
• Game Reviews
• Games
• Guides
• Humans
• ICQ whore
• Interviews
• Personas
• Politics
• Pop Culture Pain
• Project LiveJournal
• Reviews
• School
• Society
• Unfunny

These are the most common searches that people performed on search engines which lead them to this site in May 2007:

Uhh, yeah, fascinating stuff. This page and the two images that appear on it are consistently some of the most accessed files on the entirety of Shufflingdead. That says a lot about the internet and human fascination with supposedly erotic fan art, I think I’m going to try to take advantage of this in the near future.

Yeah, I still have to upload basically the entire site to a new server, but at least the forums are working.

As soon as I have time, you can expect a cutting review of my former host, page-zone.com.

I Blame Humanity
The Game

What I can say is this, shufflingnerds.com is officially relaunched as of right now.

You may have noticed some small changes to the navigation of the site, including a new link, TotW, or “Things of the Week.” Essentially, these will be small updates made throughout the week and be of a weekly nature, if that makes any sense.

That probably didn’t make any sense; hopefully this list can do the explaining for me. Since I make my updates in the dead of night I consider them to be made on the days listed, however the date in brackets is when you humans will actually see them:

Sunday (Monday) – Prehistoric Organism of the Week
Tuesday (Wednesday) – Shameful Human of the Week
Wednesday (Thursday) – Pro-Con List of the Week
Friday (Saturday) – Word of the Week
Saturday (Sunday) – Open Letters to Celebrities

Mondays (Tuesdays) will see the return of articles, and Thursdays (Fridays) will see the return of comics. Together, all of this means that Shufflingdead will, in theory, be updated every day with at least a little something. Just what the TotW thing is on a particular day will change over time, and some weeks will be theme weeks, meaning that all of the TotW things will connect somehow. Hooray!

It’s not all bad though; the site will stumble on with Version 9 until I have learned glorious PHP and CSS for myself, at which point I will upgrade the site with an updating program of my own. At some point Shufflingnerds.com will also be relaunched, hopefully with an all new work ethic.

While I was repairing the site from its meltdown, I felt that tinge pride, that I was once again overseeing my empire of HMTL.

Thanks to these guys, and Wikipedia, I have learned that there is such a thing as Nerdcore, the mind boggles.

At which point I have to download an illegal crack in order to play my legal game, with the legal CD in the drive.

There are a number of class action lawsuits going on against various companies that use copyright protection software that then voids the players abilities to play the game legally. I’m hoping that they’re all successful so that the copy protection racket can finally tumble like a house of cards.

There has to be a better damned solution.

• Cover Page
• Chapter 1: Womankind
• Screwy
• Ol’ One Eye
• Wood
• Screwy: The Gathering
• Grand Adventure
• The New Girl – This is the new one!
• (a bunch more comics here)
• I Blame Humanity
• (some more comics here)
• The Game

This has to do with two things:

One – My First Aid course. Why the fuck do people have to take a course about “First Aid”. The entire course is invalidated by the fact that every chance they get they tell you “It doesnt’ really matter what you know, or do…just call 911 and try to make the person comfortable. As long as you know some basic CPR, you’re good.”

This makes no fucking sense to me. If I’m going to spend 15 hours of my evenings learning a skill that I could learn in about 10 minutes, I should damn well be getting paid for it.

Two – Krondomatic is in China.

Yes. You heard me. Krondomatic is in China. She decided roughly a week and a half ago that she was going halfway around the world. This has caused me unheard of amounts of stress.

You may laugh. Even scorn me for my concern. And though I know it will be most likely completely uneventful, at least in the horrible plane-crashing “Alive!” kind of uneventful; I challenge any one of you to have your woman go halfway around the planet without you, and not be at least a little worried.

Anyway, enough excuses, I’ll have a game review or something up for next Wednesday unless my house burns down and the world ends.

Chances are if you’re reading this, then you’ll have already seen my first such article right above this on the front page.

Note that these will be in the original form that I wrote them, so you could call these the “director’s cut.”

At least I’m getting paid crazy amounts of money.

Anyway, the review should be up….soonish.

(Newbs we both owe the jar $1 now.)

Now having originally seen about half of the first season when it started in back in 2001, and just coming off of Voyager and DS9, I realized it for what it was — Unmitigated Shit. That’s with capitals.

But, since Newbs recently was all aquiver about T’Pol and her sexy ass, and [mostly] because I had nothing else to watch, I started up on Season 1, and have been watching 4-6 episodes a day since then.

It’s still unmitigated shit. But not as bad as it was above. The writing actually gets marginally better near the end of Season 1, and quite a bit better by the middle of Season 2. Hopefully it’ll be good by Season 3, and spectacular by Season 4…just in time for it to be cancelled.

Such is life.

Commander out.

For now you can access the old site here while I move everything over.

Pretty fucking ridiculous, wouldn’t you say?

1. Link to the Past
2. Ocarina of Time
3. Wind Waker
4. Minish Cap
5. Majora’s Mask
6. Oracle of Ages
7. Oracle of Seasons

Well there you have it, that’s some important shit to know if you’re planning on writing my biography. There are many other Zelda games, and indeed I do own them all, some day I’ll play them through and then those shall be ranked as well. Now that Minish Cap is out of the way, I can finally return to the games I’ve been trying to play and/or replay for the last millennia or so: Majora’s Mask, Legend of Zelda, Resident Evil 0, Metroid Prime[hard] and Metroid Prime 2. It’s not that I’m a nerd of immeasurable stature, I just have no attention span and so must switch between games every meal or so.

Is Penny Arcade a blog? Of course not, it’s an online comic strip. It just happens that the guys who run PA like to sometimes wax poetic about the latest developments in the world of gaming, and sometimes the skinny one likes to talk about recently spawning some kind of “hu-man”. That raises the question then, if the PA guys can run a comic strip where they get to yammer on about everything and nothing all at once on their front page, then why can’t I? But of course I can, and it isn’t blogging because I say so.

Why Newbs, what game have you been playing lately?! I’m glad you asked that, dear Universe, for these days I am playing The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap. It’s not every day you get to play through a brand new Zelda game. Unless Madden is your favourite game franchise, you don’t get to play a brand new game from your favourite franchise every day either. Thus far, (and I’m very near the end) this thing is simply amazing. The game borrows and expands on elements from all the previous Zelda titles as these games always do. It’s as if Link to the Past and Wind Waker got together for some hot, gooey fornication to provide the graphics. There are many examples of gameplay elements evolved from previous Zelda titles as well, even Four Swords. I’m telling you now; Newbs recommends this product for human consumption.

Fair Newbs, are you presently, figuratively speaking, beating off to any celebrities? That is an excellent question, because indeed I am. This is no chick from a band as usual actually; it’s a man I like to call “The Captain”. Here, read now as I write him an open letter.

]]> http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/newbs/on-blogging-and-minish-cap.php/feed 0 http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/newbs/the-alliance-and-some-compliments.php http://shufflingdead.com/blogs/newbs/the-alliance-and-some-compliments.php#comments Sat, 14 Aug 2004 05:01:01 +0000 Newbs http://shufflingdead.com/?p=884

[Gandalf Stormcrow]

Newbs Response:
What the fuck is the Holding Company? Sounds like some Communist rhetoric. Just what kind of operations have you performed? I have been under the impression that The Alliance performs all of the largest operations of anything ever.

I am officially appointing you “Guy In Charge of Spying on the Holding Company.” You seem to have an in with this perspective new enemy. You can gather data about who they are, what they do, and precisely why The Alliance should hate them.

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