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The Drunkening

June 16, 2002 Society No Comments

I think this is called “getting plastered”

Once upon a time, I wrote a couple of horribly short articles which supposedly contained the English language. These articles were about having fun. They talked of things like “funny hats” and “whipped cream.” I was convinced that I could defy all of societies deeply held beliefs that the only way to have fun was to get ridiculously drunk with a bunch of people. Well, it would seem that all it took was time to prove me wrong. No one ever escapes society, killing you is too easy, they want your mind! Sure you can make the claim that at every point other than the time which you are pouring the rancid liquid down your gullet you don’t drink, but that tends to be a paradox. Now, the easy way to get out of swearing to yourself that you would never drink is to stick a clause in your little “deal.” Something like “I will not drink unless doing so would lead to sex or ridiculous amounts of money” works. A perfectly moral solution to all your problems!

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More Humans

June 8, 2002 Society No Comments

Once upon a time, I wrote a dastardly article which listed many different types of humans. I swore on my mother’s grave that I’d describe some more types of humans in the future, and so I have!

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The Alliance is Strong!

May 25, 2002 Society No Comments

After much deliberation, “The Alliance” has chosen me to be their presence on the internet. At first they were going to set up their own site but that was decided against when they realized that this way I’ll be the one getting killed. Now, let’s get down to business!

As you are well aware of, The Alliance is comprised of mostly anonymous scary internet people. The most powerful and outspoken leaders of our group have, however, revealed their true identities and today I will tell you just who runs this little operation of ours.

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Becoming the Beatnik

May 4, 2002 Society No Comments

Those of you who live on the planet earth are already aware that the single greatest type of human is the rare and elusive beatnik. A group shrouded in mystery and dark secrets, beatniks can only be found by the most patient of all those in search of their magical way of life. The only type of people who I actually wish there were more of are the beatniks, which is why I have painstakingly spent my hard earned time to write you a three step program to becoming a beatnik.

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Tune up Your Speakers Ladies!

April 27, 2002 Society No Comments

Ahh, having fun. Often associated with the people of earth, having fun is something that has been partaken in for a many a decade. I have previously described several other forms of fun to you, my dear reader, but today is a step forward in my writing skills. I am sworn to secrecy regarding all of the things I am not about to divulge, which is why I will be using a set of code words in place of more revealing words:

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