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Normal People Conversations

August 29, 2003 Society No Comments

Over the past few months I have, to the horror of many, gotten myself a job, and, to the horror of even more, started regularly meeting with an expanded group of peers. These two factors have caused me to become suddenly exposed to the whopping three different conversations which normal humans participate in.

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The Plans of One Creator Of Society

July 25, 2003 Society No Comments

Last night an incredibly hot and entirely naked girl showed up at my front door with a rather embarrassed look on her face. She explained she had been masturbating with some sort of ultra high tech dildo in front of my house, but had lost control of it and it had flown over my house, and probably ended up in my back yard. So we went back there to look for the thing and found a hole in the middle of the yard. Thinking the thing had burrowed itself into the ground we decided to dig. The girl, still somewhat aroused, ended up getting distracted and using the shovel handle as a pleasure device. I continued to dig, and after about half an hour found not only the dildo, which was still in perfect working order, but also a large treasure chest.

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The New High School Cliques

November 4, 2002 Society No Comments

Anybody who’s seen “Grease” knows that once upon a time, after that war, then before that other one, there were only three “cliques” in high school, they were: greasers, preppies and nerds. The groups were divided 48% greasers, 48% preppies and 4% nerds. The preppies and the greasers were almost constantly at war with each other but occasionally united to keep nerds in their place.

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The Breaking of the Fellowship

August 9, 2002 Society No Comments

It seems like only yesterday that I wrote an article slamming an evil organization called the International Baccalaureate cult. It was a horrifying group who struck terror into the hearts of teachers and students alike. Then suddenly, in a flash of brilliant obviousness I realized something, there is no more IB! That’s right, not only did I graduate, so did those IB’s! Their fellowship has been disbanded, only small clusters of their once proud society remain.

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See ya ladder Chef Torte Charley Boy Trebeky

June 30, 2002 Society No Comments

The Magic Reflection Pool of My Brain

Hiroshi Yamauchi, former president of Nintendo, provided me with the “good stuff.”

That’s right, the elusive web master who runs this deliciously delectable piece of the internet has graduated. I shall now talk about myself for awhile, as it makes me feel old and wise.

It’s been 12 long, arduous years since first I entered that little brick building where all my dreams would be crushed and my life molded into something sort of close to almost normal. Who could have guessed that I would have made great accomplishments like updating a website almost every week, beaten Super Mario RPG at least twenty times, worn virtually the same thing every single day, or, the greatest of all my feats, received a “Certificate of Participation” from Fitness Canada.

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