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An End to Pets

August 4, 2007 Society No Comments

You’ve seen it before, you’re hanging out with somebody, and one way or another that person comes into contact with some animal, and they explode into a high-pitched, cutesy-voiced tirade about the animal. They faun over it, pet it, rub it, and cast little bits of personality onto it “you’re a good boy, aren’t you!” I’m sure that almost everyone in Canada has seen hundreds of cats and dogs in their lives, yet somehow it’s a time-stopping orgasmic bliss for some people every single time. You can’t do anything but roll your eyes, saying a word of protest would toss you into the realm of social leper.
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Secular Christmas

July 31, 2007 Society No Comments

The same call is made every year it seems “put Christ back into Christmas!” Well, I welcome a secular Christmas; it can be a fun time for us non-believers as well. Do not fret Christians, you can keep your holiday, but I think I’ll borrow the non-religious bits for myself.
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Pluto is Not a Planet

April 28, 2007 Society No Comments

I’m brilliant, it’s impossible to deny. It’s easily proven too. For years I’ve been saying that Pluto should not be considered a planet, and it seems astronomers have finally caught up to my all encompassing understanding of everything, and set the solar system right.

You see, Pluto’s orbit is whacked the fuck out, it just doesn’t line up with the eight real planets of the solar system. It likes to hang out with the other hoodlums of the Sol system, a gaggle of ice balls in the Kuiper belt who could never afford a better orbit. Real planets have nice, clean, round orbits close to the sun like Earth and Mars. Sometimes they blow their wealth on a giant body and hang out a little further away like Jupiter. Pluto could just never compete, and scientists have finally shown the little bastard the door.
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Our lives!

May 30, 2006 Society No Comments

There’s this scene in an episode of Seinfeld, George and Jerry are sitting at their usual spot in the usual restaurant talking about their usual women problems, when my all time favourite tv moment occurs:

Jerry: Ahh. [puts head down]
George: What?
Jerry: What is this? What are we doing? What in god’s name are we doing?
George: What?
Jerry: Our lives! What kind of lives are these? We’re like children. We’re not men.
George: No, we’re not. We’re not men.

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Ageism

April 18, 2006 Society No Comments

Some forms of discrimination have been fought with massive social movements, yet ageism persists, seemingly with wide acceptance. I suppose that that’s because dying to fight the discounts senior’s receive at restaurants isn’t quite worthy of the cause. Still, when particularly blatant forms of ageism get brought up, such as the recently approve curfew for minors in Sherwood Park, discussion starts to happen.
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