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How to Make People Hate You Part III: Newbs

February 2, 2002 Society No Comments

Well, I didn’t expect to do a third article in this section but it seems it is required. This is by far the most offensive article I have ever written. You see, some of you are in desperate need of making me hate you. As usual this “puppy” is in three parts.

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The Trouble with Tang

January 27, 2002 Society No Comments

Why Tang do you ask? Its simple. Plain and simple…Completely plain…and completely simple…
Ok…its not simple at all…

In Pashtu(one of 2 languages spoken in Afghanistan) Tang is the word for Marijuana. You might think that that’s a coincidence…but really…think about it…IT’S TANG!! The only people that would ever actually drink this refreshing non-fruit 100% flavoured drink in a freezer pouch are astronauts…but then you have to ask yourself…is it really Tang that these astronauts are drinking? They always say that they send the brave space-farers into space with large quantities of Tang…but that might just be code in Pashtu for them sending some unusually intelligent potheads into space to test the effects of this illicit substance that we will now refer to as “Chem X” under almost 0 Gravity.
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What’d you say about Perverts?

January 27, 2002 Society No Comments

As I was sitting at my computer waiting for something of astronomical proportions to happen — I started to think. This being the thing that I was waiting for I decided to write yet another article to celebrate.

Now needing only a topic that I could write about, I did the only thing that is possible in this situation; I did the ritual Google search on the first word that came to mind —pervert. Now you might think that I came up with large amounts of child porn, as well as pictures of convicted pedophiles…but lo and behold Google spoils us again with red M&M.

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I Dare You to Have More Fun Than Me

January 19, 2002 Society No Comments

For all of you who might not know, Tim Horton’s is Canada’s national restaurant. They sell donuts, coffee and that’s about it. In the United States I believe they have a similar chain of donut shops called Krispie Kum Donuts. Any ways, Tim Horton’s is a magical place filled with new and exciting adventures just waiting to be unlocked by you and your trusty cohorts. When my friends and I have a little extra energy and are looking for a wild night on the town we head to the local “Hortons.”

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Can You Feel It?

January 5, 2002 Society No Comments

Today children we’re going to talk about “feelings.” I am relentlessly researching this thing called humanity and I recently came across this funny thing these creatures are obsessed with, it’s called emotion. Apparently when someone tells you you aren’t fit for reproduction it causes “hurt feelings.” As far as I know, taking a direct hit to your feelings is along the lines of 4 d6 damage. Ouch! On the other hand, when someone tells you you have a “sexy bod” you gain an unprecedented amount of positive stuff..? I have taken the painstaking effort of listing a few of these feelings and how you can use them to manipulate the masses.

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