After watching the movie Bitch Slap we felt that we should share some of the extremely valuable life lessons it teaches.
1. Have big tits? Have boobs at all? You must show them off at all times. Just in case you were unsure before.
2. When in the desert, high-heeled shoes are not actually an impediment. No, not even if you are attempting an illegal salvage of riches, having a naughty water fight with a host of lesbians, or are involved in a frantic kung-fu fight.
3. A naughty water fight featuring a host of lesbians can save any movie. Period.
4. Hot people are apparently fire retardant. In fact, after being set on fire or being the victim of an explosion they will not only escape with zero burns, but they will rise from the ashes with their clothes burned away and their body smudged with soot and glistening with sweat, actually making them appear hotter.
5. All Asians have ridiculous accents and must dress as slutty schoolgirls. And they’re all kinky as hell, and of course, know kung fu.