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Movie Maundering #3 – Constantine

Image: Constantine cover art. Copyright Warner Bros.


John Constantine has been able to see demons since he was a child. Nobody really knows why. Unfortunately for him, it has led everyone he knew to think that he was crazy, so he tried to kill himself. He was legally dead for two minutes, but then resuscitated. This leaves him damned in the eyes of God, having committed the deadly sin of suicide. In a quest for redemption of the highest order, Constantine spends his time banishing demons back to the plane of Hell to make the world a better place and find himself in Heaven as a reward.

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Things We Learned From the Viewing of Bitch Slap

Image: Cover art for Bitch Slap. Copyright IM Global.

After watching the movie Bitch Slap we felt that we should share some of the extremely valuable life lessons it teaches.

1. Have big tits? Have boobs at all? You must show them off at all times. Just in case you were unsure before.

2. When in the desert, high-heeled shoes are not actually an impediment. No, not even if you are attempting an illegal salvage of riches, having a naughty water fight with a host of lesbians, or are involved in a frantic kung-fu fight.

3. A naughty water fight featuring a host of lesbians can save any movie. Period.

4. Hot people are apparently fire retardant. In fact, after being set on fire or being the victim of an explosion they will not only escape with zero burns, but they will rise from the ashes with their clothes burned away and their body smudged with soot and glistening with sweat, actually making them appear hotter.

5. All Asians have ridiculous accents and must dress as slutty schoolgirls. And they’re all kinky as hell, and of course, know kung fu.

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Games in Review #3 – Mario Power Tennis

June 28, 2010 Games 1 Comment

Welcome once again to Games in Review, featuring reviews, evaluations, and general commentaries for games that I, Weskimo, have completed.

This week’s topic is a game that has brought me many hours of sport-oriented enjoyment, Mario Power Tennis for the Nintendo GameCube.


Mario and his friends and enemies are back, and this time they’re competing in a Tennis tournament. That’s about it.

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10 Ways to Improve The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time for 3DS

June 24, 2010 Games 6 Comments

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is frequently referred to as the greatest video game of all time, and rightfully so. Ocarina brought Hyrule to life with stunning polygonal graphics and revolutionary controls. Now, nearly 12 years since its release, comes word that this beloved game is being remade for the Nintendo 3DS.

With the madness of E3 2010 receding into the past, it’s time to take a hard look at Ocarina of Time in its original form, assess the hints we’ve been given so far with regards to its 3DS remake, and ponder the possibilities. What follows is my wishlist for the upcoming 3DS version of Ocarina of Time.

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UPDATED: Predictions for Nintendo’s E3 2010 Conference

June 19, 2010 Games 1 Comment


Here we are, looking back at E3 2010, and it’s safe to say Nintendo’s conference was a stunner. I’m a little surprised at how well my predictions went down, considering how hopeful they were. I managed to score 10/50. Have a look below to see what I got right.

Original article:

June 15, 2010 will see Nintendo launch a new era, that’s for certain. We already know that the company will be showing off the 3DS and, most likely, Zelda Wii, but the highly secretive company hasn’t said much else. Being just 10 days from the historic moment, and unable to contain my excitement any longer, I’ve decided to throw together my official predictions for Nintendo’s E3 2010 conference.

I’ve divided my predictions into two sections: DS/3DS and Wii. Each section is ranked from most likely to happen to least likely.

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