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The Industry of Hell, Part 1: The Companies are Mentally Deficient

September 6, 2003 Games No Comments

There are very few things which I am actually qualified to do. I don’t have the training or skills to drive a car, operate on people, tie the ends of balloons and pretty much everything else that people do. I have, however, spent uncountable hours sitting in front of my computer studying every aspect of the video game console industry. As sad as this sounds to even myself, I spend at least an hour a day reading, thinking about and discussing video games. That doesn’t even count the occasional day I’ll spend doing basically nothing but. Even sadder than that, I spend far less time actually playing games. This obsession I have with all things gaming visually qualifies me as an industry expert. In an article of four parts I will be discussing every aspect of this industry which enchants me so. Before I begin, I should mention that I don’t know a damn thing about computer gaming, and will not be, at any point, discussing it whatsoever. Without further ado, I present to you: The Industry of Hell.

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A Complete User’s Guide to Magic: The Gathering

August 8, 2003 Games No Comments

Magic: The Gathering is a card game in which players build a deck filled with creatures and spells, then battle one another for domination of the magical world of a nerd’s dinning room table.

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E3 Makes Me Tingly

June 2, 2002 Games No Comments

Last week, the gaming world’s version of hot sex, E3, ended. E3, or the Electronics Entertainment Exposition, is known for revealing all the secrets hidden deep within the gaming scene, this year was no exception. More than this though, it provides an excellent vantage point to make wild predictions about the future and fill all of your cute little eyes with harsh black text.

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Review: Dance Dance Revolution

February 27, 2002 Games No Comments

Now I know that you’re thinking “This is going to be the best article ever written”…uhhh…ok maybe not. Maybe its more like “This is going to suck but some guy in a ski mask is forcing me to read it for some reason”…that’s more likely. Now that I’ve got my ski mask on, let me begin on the real topic here. DDR
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Bill Gates’ Head on a Pike!

August 3, 2001 Games No Comments

It would seem at long last that all of the game consoles have been released and the results are starting to come in. The PS2 is still in first due to it’s huge head start, giant game library and millions of Eminem/Limp Bizkit/preppy punk bastard drooling fanboys. The X-Box is in second (in the US anyways) due to the Eminem/Limp Bizkit/preppy punk bastards who were paid into thinking the PS2 was for nerds and “HOMO GAY FAGGY FAGOTS.” While the Gamecube is in a close third thanks to its so called “kiddy” reputation and Bill Gates’ money.

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