As happens every year about this time I have gotten sucked into constantly refreshing all the various gaming sites I visit. That’s because it has just been E3 2004. Electronic Entertainment Expo, or for those of you still confused, a big video game convention featuring booth babes and free toys. Now I run a website so “fringe” so “out there” and “hip” that I have not been invited to this digital orgasm, but I do have unprecedented knowledge of just what happened down there and so I will fill you all in.
Firstly, I don’t give a fuck in funky town what anybody besides Nintendo is doing, and all my knowledge about all the other companies is really just me assuming that they’re doing evil anti-Nintendo things just to spite me personally. As is tradition, E3 started off with the big three console makers doing big presentations. I have no clue what anybody else did, all I know is that Nintendo did a gaping anus’ worth of glorious announcements that have thrown the world into a state of euphoric shock.