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Volcano!

June 6, 2006 Dating No Comments

In all the crazy schemes that people have created to lure mates, all their brilliant ploys have had one incurable weakness, that is–until now. The problem is, of course, cock-blocking. The act of one’s friends, supposed friends, or mortal enemies interfering with your attempts to win the affections of whatever life ruining fuck-hole or fuck-stick that you happen to be after.

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Project Reality

August 26, 2005 Dating No Comments

What is Project Reality? Project Reality is a great scheme, nay the greatest scheme, to get laid which I have ever devised. It is an all mighty and absolute regime which I will instigate upon my very own life, with the singular goal of picking up the ladies. At Project Reality’s core is this simple rule: forget everything I think I know about the female gender and do some really fucking crazy stuff with unrelenting voracity. This plan is not a specific series of tasks to complete, but more of a series of guidelines which I will follow en route to some sweet action. Though I am speaking for myself, any young man may follow my lead, by all means boys, hop aboard the Awesome train.

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Ascension

January 30, 2005 Dating No Comments

Have you ever looked at your keyboard? I mean really looked? If you have a standard keyboard as I do, you might be able to notice the regular letter keys and the space bar form the shape of a woman’s crotch. Go ahead, cover up the extra keys with your hand and take a look, do you see it? This is like a test I guess, if you see it, then that probably means you’re a man who’s just come back from his first ever trip to the strippers. If you don’t see it, well I’m not sure what it means, that has nothing to do with strippers.

As you’ve probably guessed, I just had my first adventure to a so called “strip joint.” I’d like to start off by offering my take on the event. Once I got past the preposterous cover charge and the meddling waitresses, I started getting scared as hell of a few things. My anger turned to fear as it occurred to me that there’s always a chance of getting shot or stabbed; afterall, this is where Tony Soprano conducts business meetings. I started wondering if I’d be forced to interact with the strippers some how, hassled for money maybe, that sort of thing. All of that got pushed out of my mind pretty quickly though, and here’s how: there was a naked woman dancing on a poll in front of me. The great thing about the strippers is that the critics are completely wrong about them; it’s not demeaning to women and it doesn’t make them seem like objects. I found the point at which the girl tried to get money from me to be as intimidating as fuck. I realized just who had the power at that very point, she wasn’t being demeaned, I was. So what does this all mean, you might be asking? Well it means that seeing women take off their clothes on stage is better than seeing them do the same on video, but that it doesn’t make wank material.

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How to Get Laid in University

December 27, 2004 Dating 5 Comments

You know what? It’s true what the movies say, it’s really easy to pick up chicks while attending University. After just one semester I’ve already gotten laid more times than I can count. Let me share with you now a few of the strategies that I’ve found to work best.

The first really successful strategy that I discovered was the “talking to attractive quiet girl strategy.” There had developed an odd scenario before a particular class of mine, where every day the same few people would get there really early to stand around in the hall and wait. Being the busy, important guy that I am, I was one of these people. I quickly noticed a girl at this little gathering that stuck out, she was hot. I’m not talking about any normal definition of hot, you know, involving big tits, dick sucking lips and a tight ass (though she did have the fairest body in all the land). I’m not even talking about any of those fetishes I have, she didn’t have red hair and freckles, she didn’t look really young and wear braces, and she didn’t wear a choker and gaming t-shirts. No, I mean that this girl somehow transcended all that into some kind of category of lovely that I cannot even define. One day I managed to talk to her before heading into class, I even managed to continue the conversation long enough that we went into class together and sat together. Why, before I new it we were talking all the time. Oh… uhh, second thought, I did not pick this girl up. She started ignoring and avoiding me after a few days. It was a positive learning experience though; start conversations with girls and you’re likely to end up with ones that have virtually no interest in saying anything to you. It’s impossible to get a girl if she doesn’t communicate her need for cock!

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I am Probably a Woman

June 2, 2003 Dating No Comments

I wrote seven dating articles before this one about various schemes and plots detailing ways in which a guy can trick a girl into going out with him. I now write but one article about how a guy can trick a girl into breaking up with him. The reasons for wanting a girl to leave you vary from man to man, maybe you’re just not gettin’ what you need, maybe she’s draining all the time you used to use for updating your website, whatever.

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