Summer ‘09 To-Do List

“Well you don’t need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he’s broke, don’t do shit.” -Lawrence, Office Space

Like Lawrence’s cousin, I don’t do shit, I have no life. Well, alright, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. I have a life, it is a very dull life, and it consists of the following:

• sleeping in until at least noon
• laying on the couch (either to watch TV or play video games)
• watching videos on YouTube
• trawling Facebook for pictures of hot girls I know
• reading personals on Craigslist to make me feel better about myself
• walking
• drinking
• playing Magic
• playing D&D
• generally nerding it up

Check out my latest progress reports:

Summer ‘09 To-Do List: Concluding Ruminations

List making has been an obsession of mine over the last few years; I’ve made lists for everything from games I want to beat to places I want to travel to. I think lists are great, it’s very satisfying to cross things off of them. I’ve decided to start up a new list, it’s not going to be a master list of all the other lists, or even a remotely exhaustive list. This is something like a cross between a summer to-do list, and a life’s goals list, with summer ending whenever I say it ends. I’m going to come back each Wednesday and discuss my progress with the various goals listed, and cross them out as I accomplish them. Yes, this kind of to-do list is very “what I did with my blog in 2004,” but what is Shufflingdead if not 5 years behind the rest of the world? Names have been removed to, as they say, “protect the innocent.”

1. write every day
   
2. replay some of my old favourite games

3. complete Ocarina of Time 100%
4. unlock Luigi in Super Mario Galaxy
5. make another D&D campaign
6. run
7. wake up so early that I can run with impunity
8. get driver’s license
9. destroy [person] in an argument
   
10. fuck

11. get in good enough shape to fuck with impunity
    
12. get off from a blowjob

13. write like death is upon me, and that my efforts will be the only thing for which I will be remembered
14. make more money than God and then become God
15. reign fire down upon the wicked
    
16. become a video game ninja
    
17. cackle like a comic book villain

18. read Watchmen
19. start a podcast
20. start doing game review videos again
    
21. collaborate with [person] creatively

22. get my writing published and get paid for it
    
23. clean out my porn folder
    
24. clean out my music folder
    
25. finish fixing Shufflingdead.com
    
26. come up with a list to post in my room of decrees to live by
    
27. don’t spend any money until I’m rich

28. when I’m rich, spend lots of money
29. move out of my parent’s house
30. buy a house
31. buy a car
32. buy more Magic cards than there are cells in my body
    
33. keep my pubes shaven

34. own a godly video game collection (to go along with my godly place in the universe)
    
35. run a weekly blog update about this list
    
36. don’t succumb to The Man
    
37. don’t be lazy
    
38. don’t be gross

39. buy a suit
40. watch 2001: A Space Odyssey
41. get my passport
42. perform oral sensual pleasuring on a woman
43. write a novel
44. be TIME’s person of the year AGAIN
45. perform stand-up comedy
46. avenge my childhood
    
47. go walking with [person]

48. sing Kelly Clarkson at karaoke
49. go on a vacation outside of North America
50. visit western Europe
51. visit eastern Europe
52. visit Japan
53. have an orgy with a bunch of Japanese women in my Tokyo hotel room
54. titty fuck Fuko, Anna Ohura, and/or Hitomi Tanaka
55. beat all levels in Donkey Kong Country 2
56. meet a celebrity
57. be a celebrity
58. be published on a website other than my own
59. become death, the destroyer of worlds
    
60. be able to say “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.”

61. finish [person]’s website
62. see [person]’s tits
    
63. delete fake users from Shufflingdead forums
    
64. expand the Shufflingdead empire
    
65. jerk off tonight
    
66. go to Animethon

67. conquer death
68. clean out university email account
69. run a successful gaming website
    
70. clean out my old school junk

71. buy [person] a SomethingAwful forums account
    
72. transplant and trim my bonsai

73. upload old, embarrassing pictures of my friends to Facebook
    
74. attend my university convocation

75. learn how to ride a bike
76. learn French well enough to watch Amelie without subtitles
    
77. have Shufflingdead updated three times a week

78. build a Lego tower out of all my Lego
79. draw Amy Lee
80. read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
81. read Mona Lisa Overdrive
    
82. earn 800 Club Nintendo Coins and get something awesome with them

83. go to the opera
84. go to a musical
85. see another of Shakespeare’s plays performed
86. go on a hot-air-balloon ride
87. learn how to swim
88. own a telescope
    
89. own Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

90. watch all of Freaks and Geeks
91. go to a free yoga lesson
92. try zorbing
93. win NaNoWriMo
94. attend the real Olympic games
95. be elected to political office
96. become Doctor Newbs
97. take a design course
    
98. see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

99. be the Nerd Olympics champion
100. two chicks at the same time

30/100 Goals Accomplished
Strikethrough indicates goals I have accomplished.
Bold indicates goals I am currently pursuing.

• Summer ‘09 To-Do List: Week 15
• Summer ‘09 To-Do List: Week 14
• Summer ‘09 To-Do List: Week 13
• Summer ‘09 To-Do List: Week 11
• Summer ‘09 To-Do List: Week 9