Brannigan 2007 Speech and Song

Each year at my birthday, known as The Brannigan, I perform a special speech and song. These are the speech and song from Brannigan 2007.

Speech:

I’d just like to thank everyone for coming to Brannigan 2007. It’s time now for the annual speech and song. As many of you know, this has been the year of drama, and this speech is dedicated to all of those who got caught up in it. This is called Coronation of Newbius One.

Fellow Nerds, I come to you in the wake of recent events, to issue a call to reason. Let no human deny the perils of our time. While we battle one another, divided by the petty strife of our common history, the tide of a greater conflict is turning against us. Threatening to destroy all that we have accomplished.

It is time for us as nations, and as individuals, to set aside our long standing feuds and unite. The tides of an unwinable war are upon us. And we must seek refuge upon higher ground, lest we be swept away by the flood. The Corner is no more. Whatever semblance of unity and protection it once provided is a phantom, a memory. With our enemies left unchecked, who will you turn to for protection?

The devastation wrought by the age invaders is self evident. We have seen our homes bought and communities contributed to by the calculated blows of adulthood. We have seen first hand our friends and loved ones consumed by the nightmarish careers. Unprecedented and unimaginable, though they may be, these are the signs of our time.

The time has come my fellow Nerds, to rally to a new banner. In unity lies strength. Already many of the dissident factions have joined us. Out of the many we shall forge an indivisible whole. Capitulating only to a single throne. And from that throne, I shall watch over you.

From this day foreword let no human make war upon any other human. Let no Nerd agency conspire against this new beginning. And let no man consort with aging powers. And to all the enemies of humanity, seek not to bar our way, for we shall win through, no matter the cost.

Song:

Thank you. I will now butcher a song. This is by Janis Ian, with contributions from me, it’s called Twenty-three is Number One.

I learned the truth at swenty-three
That love was meant for beauty queens
and high school girls with clear skinned smiles
who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
were spent on one more beautiful
At twenty-three I learned the truth

And those of us with ravaged faces
lacking in the social graces
desperately remained at home
inventing lovers on the phone
who called to say – come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn’t all it seems at seventeen