The Breaking of the Fellowship

It seems like only yesterday that I wrote an article slamming an evil organization called the International Baccalaureate cult. It was a horrifying group who struck terror into the hearts of teachers and students alike. Then suddenly, in a flash of brilliant obviousness I realized something, there is no more IB! That’s right, not only did I graduate, so did those IB’s! Their fellowship has been disbanded, only small clusters of their once proud society remain.

“I wonder what will be happening to all those wacky IB’s!” you probably just exclaimed. Well I’ll tell you the only way I know how, by making a list with funny faces!

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The Evil Couple Who Ruled the IB’s
As everyone knows, anyone who was popular in high school ends up picking up garbage using one of those poky sticks, and anyone who was unpopular ends up inventing ingenious devices which alow you to communication through a phone line without actually using the phone (for the purpose of making it easier to ask out IB girls, of course). Obviously, someone who was an actual group leader in high school who had the ability to have people killed on a whim and probably managed to get laid at least once, will end up cleaning office windows with their tongue.

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Ladies From the Harem
Perhaps the most memorable group in the IB organization is the harem of young ladies who would seduce me with their strange obsessions of things like Full House and yet still manage to be aware of the future of “cool stuff” far in advance. For example, the harems ladies would have had their rooms plastered in Steve Irwin posters in 1996 and been listening to The Village People in 1884. The ladies are headed off to University now, where they will slowly become less trendy and eventually end up as cold hearted CEO’s.

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The Lynch Mob
Congratulations lynch mobsters, your destiny is to become a homeless alcoholic bum and die fighting an alley cat. Lucky for you, you’ll be so inebriated you’ll think you’re valiantly attacking someone who threatened your precious IB queen.

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That Punk Who Always Beats Me at Video Games
Take over the planet.

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It may be true that another “fresh batch” of young IB’s will be arriving at the high school most shortly but unfortunately for the majority of human society I will take them all under my wing and teach them the way life was meant to be lived. You see, while all those suckers who finished with 96% averages are off to University, I’m taking my time and making sure there isn’t someone from my high school who I didn’t harass enough. This means I’ll have plenty of time to carefully instruct the future “movers and shakers” of our planet on things like how to kill Gannon, the proper method of masturbation and how important is to have more mp3′s than all your friends.