Cosplay Idol: The Biggest Loser

Hello and welcome to the first ever Shufflingdead.com Cosplay Idol. Today, we’ll be looking at six examples of the art of cosplay, and scrutinizing them for costume authenticity (and wank potential).

sulci: I always pick Ulala in Sega Superstar Tennis for DS. As for cosplay, I think we all have to admit that the girl is pretty hot, and that her costume is very well done.

Newbs: Now this is the kind of cosplay I like to see. Asian broads wearing pink wigs and shorts skirts is pretty much my number one fetish. I approve heartily of this particular example, and thoroughly enjoy objectifying this lovely young lady.

sulci: Thigh highs, short shorts, high cut tops. I’m sure this is another stunning example of what Newbs likes to see in cosplay. Apparently this guy, “Man-Faye” is uber famous in the cosplay world.

Newbs: This is pretty much the opposite of the preceding picture, and represents everything wrong with cosplay today. First of all, this is a man, goddamn it, and I can’t do anything with pictures of men! The only redeeming quality of this guy is that he’s dressed as Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop, and she was pretty stylin’.

sulci: Aaah, Blood Elves from WOW, the first really nice looking playable characters for the Horde side (aside from that one troll face) ladies. Aside from the slightly off-putting foot long ears, and the fact that the lady here is wielding a blade instead of magic, it’s a decent attempt at probably the most over-cosplayed race. Where are the trolls, damnit???

Newbs: I don’t know what the fuck sulci is talking about. All I see is another fine Elf that I wouldn’t mind impaling with my +8 mithril sword. I was, at first, uncomfortable with the giant pointy ears, but I’m starting to think they could be useful in the barracks.

sulci: What the fuck is this. I don’t know what game she is from, or why she appears to only have one leg, but it is pretty disturbing. Plus her latex (I assume), if you look closely, has sweat stains or something on it. I guess from far away it’s a pretty cute costume (aside from the leg thing), and the hat looks well crafted. But why is it a different colour? And is she yawning or laughing? I’m so confused!!!

Newbs: sulci, I don’t think you’re showing enough respect for Midna, of The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess fame. First of all, those aren’t sweat stains, that’s where I drooled all over her. She’s got a white foot that blends in with the harshly lit ground, and her helmet is the colour of a damn helmet. Now stop whining and start fantasizing about this tight piece of Hylian ass.

sulci: Now this is a cosplay I can appreciate. The three main characters from Death Note, Misa Amane, Light Yagami, and the notorious L. Stoic faces and emo-inspired costumes from a pretty good manga series results in an A from me.

Newbs: What the fuck is this bullshit? I can’t beat off to this OR make fun of it. These guys are from some anime series? Who cares! Let’s get back to the sexy ladies.

sulci: Ok No0bz, last one then. Here is a fine example of cosplay from a classic game. Look, he is even holding a ring. That’s fucking authentic. Still not sure if it’s a girl or a boy though, but I’m pretty sure the real Sonic was a lot flatter. So, what do you say Newbs? Gonna jack off to that?

Newbs: I reserve judgment on masturbatory value until after deciding if this hideous thing is a man or a woman. I think I see some breasts, but that is an awfully strong jawline. I also have to wonder why this human has chosen to only paint half of his/her face, forcing me to see so much of the hideous face that lies beneath this sad attempt at an anthropomorphic abomination. I can’t stand to look any longer, let’s end this thing here.