Neckbeard & Wolfshirt: Lent Me Tell You…

New Donkey Kong world record holder: Hank Chien

The King of Kong is a film I find myself recalling often, being amused and entertained by it all the time, even without re-watching it. It turns out I’m not the only one who was moved by the movie, so was 35-year-old plastic surgeon Hank Chien. He started playing Donkey Kong after seeing the movie, and now he’s the new world champion.

Before the movie, Chien had played Kong once, and dismissed it, thinking “this game stinks.” After seeing the film, though, Chien decided to have another go, and began playing seriously in November 2008. By September of 2009 he had managed to score over a million points, and by February of 2010 he was feeling confident about breaking the record.

Chien’s record setting score stands at 1 061 700, a mere 11 500 points beyond famed mullet-man Billy Mitchell’s infamous record.

Chien’s great taste doesn’t end with film and classic games, it also extends to modern games. He’s a big fan of Super Mario Galaxy.

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Palin comes to Canada, resonates with local idiots

Sarah Palin, my sworn nemesis, recently visited the city of my birth to give a paid speech to throngs of adoring morons willing to pay $150-200 to bask in the glory of her ignorance.

Calgary is the galactic central core of Canadian conservatism, so it shouldn’t be too surprising that many residents would be fans of a woman who opposes “dangerous” ideals like universal health care. Speaking of which, Palin remarked during her talk that she was taken into Canada for health care during her childhood. She called that fact “ironic,” but I’m surprised she didn’t call it “confusing.” After all, according to Palin, Canadian-style health care is nothing but rationing and death panels. How the hell did she make it out alive?

The Globe and Mail profiled one fan in particular in their coverage of this event, someone named Stephanie Hansen; her story is especially disturbing. Hansen is an 18-year-old who visited the event wearing a pin with Palin’s face on it. She called the talk “enlightening,” despite admitting that she isn’t very knowledgeable about Palin’s politics. She explained “I admire how she can have a family and still be able to work as much as she does and everything she does.” It’s easy Stephanie; she doesn’t waste her time thinking.

Of the 1 200 who attended, about half gave Palin a standing ovation. For what, I’m not entirely sure, although I would guess it had something to do with her affirming their own misguided beliefs.

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