February 8th, 2010 by
Newbs -
This week’s Shameful Human works behind the protective veil of anonymity, he or she is whoever wrote the “Intro” story for Sonic the Hedgehog 4 on the game’s official site. The events of the early, slightly better, Sonic games is lovingly recapped by this person in a series awkwardly written, comma-abusing paragraphs. Allow me to begin by analyzing one such paragraph.
Their reunion is short lived however, as Eggman resurfaces and begins kidnapping Sonic friends again, in an effort to create more workers to finish his ultimate Weapon – The Death Egg! Teaming up with the newly met, Miles ‘Tails’ Prower, Sonic embarks on a new mission through West Side Island in an effort to free his friends and ensure Eggman does not obtain the 7 Chaos emeralds to fuel the Death Egg.
I see run-on sentences everywhere! It doesn’t help that the tone of the piece echoes that of your typical, confused, adolescent Sonic fan-fic writer, either. I want to focus in on one error in particular though, about half-way through this little chunk of mangled English. It’s the gem “Teaming up with the newly met, Miles ‘Tails’ Prower, Sonic embarks on a new mission…” You see, the problem is that when you insert a little aside mid-sentence like that, the sentence still has to make sense with the aside taken out. What the writer is implying is that Sonic is embarking on a new mission with his newly met self.
It would be giving SEGA too much credit to think that this entire butcher-job was done on purpose to parody the rough translations found in early video games. I have to single out whatever unqualified moron wrote this shit, or pasted the original Japanese into Babel Fish and used whatever was spit out, because it’s clear that person has incredible luck, and I deserve to be massively jealous of it. I want to murder the English language in a cushy writing job for a company that no longer cares and in which no one can be bothered to review my work.
[source]
February 8th, 2010 by
Newbs -
If you’ve ever rubbed one out to Megan Fox, then you are a freak lover no different than the porn hounds scouring the net for triple-breasted-albino-shemales. It turns out the Transformers star and over-exposed victim of objectification has brachydactyly, a genetic trait which gives her short thumbs. The horror!
Megan Fox’s recent appearance in a Motorola Super Bowl commercial featured a close-up of her hand which wasn’t her hand at all, but actually the hand of a, well, hand model.
You can see Megan’s abhorred thumb in the image above. It’s a little stubby, but close enough to normal that the magazine that the picture ran in didn’t even bother to “fix” it in Photoshop.
Watch the commercial to goggle at the freak after the jump.
→ Continue reading BREAKING: Megan Fox imperfect
February 8th, 2010 by
Newbs -
I just logged into Facebook as a means of procrastinating at work (by work I mean my basement from which I update this site) and found the layout had been changed yet again. The new layout streamlines navigation a little by moving requests, messages, and notifications up to little tabs beside the Facebook logo. Other features have been made easier to find with a re-worked left side-bar. The news feed can now be navigated be viewing either top updates or the most recent ones. This introduces YouTube-esque games of whoring for comments and “likes” in order to boost the visibility of your updates. It’s an especially useful/abuse-able and welcome change for shameless self promoters with websites like myself.
Overall, the changes are an incremental improvement, but not especially shocking or revolutionary. Expect your friends to be whining about it non-stop for the next week before they get used to it, just like they have with every other layout change on every website ever.
The changes come with the sixth birthday of Facebook, which has become a ubiquitous social-networking website for everyone worth talking to. Founder Mark Zuckerberg, who created Facebook to meet girls, has bragged that this week also marks Facebook membership crossing the stunning 400 million mark.
[source]
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